Fug File: WTF

What the Fug: Chloe Grace Moretz

Okay, this was going to be about her outfit, but then I read a rumor that Chloe G.M. might be dating Brooklyn Beckham. And for starters, MY EYES, I can’t believe Posh’s child is old enough to DATE; also, I love that, and the only thing making me sad is that Chloe is not Taylor Swift, and thus we won’t get any angsty teen breakup anthems called, say, “Whatever (I Was Way More Into Your Dad Anyway).”

However, I do think Posh would have SOME NOTES about this outfit:

Chloe Grace Moretz Making An Appearance On 'Jimmy Kimmel Live!'

One such note would be, “STOP RIGHT NOW, thank you very much,” and then we’d get, “Who do you think you are?” followed by, “Now don’t go wasting my precious time; get your act together, we could be just fine.” And then, upon final sighting of the hideous plaid water-wings passing as sleeves, she would shriek, “Zig-a-zig ARRRRRRGH.” I’d like to be there. But I’ll understand if she doesn’t think to call me first.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]


What the Fug: Katie Holmes in Michael Kors

Let’s experience this together as I did: First, with a shot of Katie that was in close-up.

Katie Holmes in Michael Kors

I thought to myself, “Well, one-shoulder, but whatever, maybe it has potential. I like her makeup.  I wish she was dating someone that would get Us Weekly to stop writing about Kendra Wilkinson. Let’s fix her up. Is Chris Evans still potentially dating Sandra Bullock? I don’t want to get in the way of that. What’s Henry Cavill up to, aside from putting on Superman tights and probably getting poker tips from Ben Affleck? I’ll have to think about this.”

And then I got on with it and found a full-length shot:

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WTF: Katy Perry in Pepperoni

Dammit, Perry.

Katy Perry Pizza Onesie (1)

Now I’m hungry.

[Photo: Splash]


What The Fug: Kim Kardashian

I’ve decided Kim Kardashian and Kanye are going to take the cultish furor around their coupling and turn it into an actual cult.

It will involve members building her a pedestal out of their own donated money, while she stands atop it, robes flowing, shouting, “Kanye has, like, the best taste.” When we need punishing, she will rip out a chunk of what they built and spend it on high-necked, skin-tight maxi-dresses from Balmain with more embroidery than your grandmother’s living room, or jumpsuits that make her look squat. And the first commandment will be, “Like, no corset should hold that which was given to you, because like, right?” Sometimes Kanye will come over and ask how he’s influenced anybody today, and he will send forty tweets for each person who can’t answer. It’s going to be great.

[Photo: AKM-GSI}


Fugging Ball: Miley Cyrus

My husband walked by as I was examining this photo and he said, “Yeah, you should write about that hat.”

Miley Cyrus (1)

It is amazing that he thought it was a hat, although I don’t blame him for trying to live in sweet, sweet denial. Pretending it’s a hat is a tender way of avoiding the reality that it’s something she attached to her hair:

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What the Fug: Jena Malone

This party was called The For Love & Lemons Annual SKIVVIES Bash.

Jena Malone

NOT EVERYTHING HAS TO BE TAKEN LITERALLY. I realize these are made BY the company, but… from what I can tell, the only other people on the red carpet who decided to go in this direction were people I’ve never heard of, and then the girl who was Coco Rocha’s contestant in her season of The Face (I feel like Coco would be like, “Girl, my whole career is about how you can make a statement without going down Skivvy Boulevard”). And then Christa B. Allen, who wore this:

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