Fug File: WTF

WTF: Chloe Sevigny

In case you’re wondering if Chloe Sevigny ever wakes up and desperately misses her days of being a sister-wife on Big Love…

…the answer is obviously YES, YES, A THOUSAND TIMES YES.

[Photo: AKM/GSI]


What the Fug: Daisy Lowe

Oh, Gwen Stefani. This may be inappropriate of me to ask, but might you have a word with your stepdaughter? Because I am almost out of them.

Daisy Lowe in see-through outfit (1)

All I can muster is a bilious sting of NO WHAT STOP ACK HOSE EVIL BOO IT BURNS. Why is it opaque ONLY at her FEET? Seriously, it would have looked BETTER if she had just put on boots with her lingerie and left off the body hose. Otherwise, she is dressed as someone’s disorganized intimates drawer.

What’s more:

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What the Fug: Kristen Stewart in Chanel, Part 2

You saw what she wore to arrive at the Chanel show today, but have you seen what she wore to leave? (Do not ask me why she’s changing clothes to leave a venue: I can only assume she wanted to be wearing this and not her mesh harem pants when she arrived at her next event, which is, actually, totally fair.)

That hat and the glasses are so Madonna Circa 1986 that I can’t even be that mad. Well, I’m mad at the pants — I swear to you those too once lived on a sale rack at Contempo Casuals, way Back in the Day, and I was mad at them then, too — but her head feels too Desperately Seeking Susan for real rage.

[Photo: AKM/GSI]


What the Fug: Kristen Stewart in Chanel

You’ve done it again, Kristen and Karl. You are a dynamically, dismally deranged duo. Although, I must be honest: I get a tremendous kick out of this asshattery, more than I do the continued Diormat Jennifer Lawrence, because I feel that Kristen Stewart knows exactly what she’s doing and how people are going to react to it, and is enjoying it tremendously.

[Photos: Splash]


WTF: Keira Knightley in Delpozo

One on hand, this is crazy. On the other hand, she is being adorable throughout this press tour.

Keira-Knightley (1)

She looks like if Mrs Roper won the Lottery and invested in some REALLY high-class caftans. They’re glamorous and glorious and high-fashion and…still a wacky caftan. But I can’t really be too peevish with someone who has clearly popped out for her Q&A saying, “HI GUYS I’M IN A CAFTAN!”

It’s almost MORE amusing when she’s seated:

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What the Fug: Jennifer Lopez in Versace


Jennifer Lopez at Versace show, July 2014

“Am I wearing pants, you say? No. Because I am the girl who is down to earth, not that Garment person who sucked Funfleck into a vortex of boo, and who selfishly wears TWO LEGS. I do not NEED two of everything when people are starving in wherever. So no, these are not pants. They are PANT. Pantalones? No. Pantalone. Tee hee. Get it? Pant alone?!?!? But you already knew I am a poet, lovers, from when I wrote I Luh Ya Papi, which I am going to suggest to be the new national anthem, lovers, because it is all about the sex, and guns, and I put it down for a brother like you // Give it to you right in the car, that’s you. Lovers, if you listen to The Star-Sparkly Thing, you will hear that it is also about those things — rockets glaring red, bursting bombs, and ramparts, come ON, lovers, tell me you knew! — and so I just want to make America newer and then also hear myself every time those swimmers in tiny pants win gold medals. Maybe THEY should wear PANT also. But no, there is no one who can PANT like the Lopez. Stand there and look at me and try not to unbuckle my hip with your eyes. It is not possible. See you on the medal stand, lovers.”

[Photo: Splash]