Fug File: Who Fugged It More

Vanity Fair Oscar Party: Who Fabbed It More, Amy Poehler or Patricia Clarkson

These two both killed it this year, in similar enough patterns that I’ve decided to be heinously cruel about it and make you choose.

Let’s start with Patricia Clarkson:

This is so good. SO good. The pattern is fabulous. It’s a combination of gleaming marine life and fireflies at night. It makes me want to go camping. Which is how I know I need to stop looking at it, because I am not a camper of any stripe, unless there are bathrooms and also beds and tents that are more like cabins, and electricity. So, I’m a hoteler.

Anyway. From that fabulousness to this one:

A bracelet — and a gorgeous one — is a check in the Poehler column. As is the fact that she looks better here, I think, than she’s ever looked, with the exception of the Globes. Actually, I give this more credence than the Globes because there is actually less pressure on this, and that’s often when people get sloppy, but instead she’s in a Peter Som gown that’s unusual and flattering and graceful, still formal but not constrictingly so. Whether you vote based on gowns alone, or past performances weighed against current success… that’s up to you. Consider this choice a warm-up for Fug Madness in two weeks.

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[Photos: Getty, Fame/Flynet]


Oscars WTF: Whoopi Goldberg

When we saw Whoopi wearing this, we assumed it was the beginning of some elaborate joke about Julia Roberts’s outfit from the Globes:

And then NO JOKE MATERIALIZED. Friends, I am confused. For one thing, Whoopi’s get up looked like she made it at home – which is one of the reasons I thought it was a joke. For another…well, who would wear this again if it wasn’t a joke, unless you’re doing it to make Julia’s version look more streamlined and fabulous (which this does)? I was going to say that Whoopi was planning to crack on Julia, but thought better of it considering that Julia’s had some rough family stuff go down over the last three weeks, but you can buy a new dress in three weeks if you’re Whoopi Goldberg, especially if that dress only needs to be better than something you threw together for a bit. Or is it possible that we’re all bit players in a new Hollywood psychodrama wherein Whoopi is slowly sliding into a fugue state where she believes herself to BE Julia Roberts? Because, actually, that’s really interesting. Wait while I pop some popcorn, I want to see how this one turns out.

[Photos: Getty]


Who Fugged It More: Katy Perry vs Nicole Scherzinger

These two aren’t wearing the same thing, but both DID change from their BRIT Awards ensembles into something vaguely dated and belly-baring. And the Olympics are ending and football season is over, so it’s the time to go crazy.

I’m sure Katy Perry is tired of dressing like something that popped out of a candy factory, but you can clean it up and class it up and still look youthful, which this does not.┬áIf this had been a whole dress, maybe it would’ve worked better for me, but something about splitting it into pieces only emphasizes the musty cut of the top. It makes the sheerness of the skirt bottom look even more desperate — not for eyeballs, necessarily, but as a last-ditch attempt to bring this into today.

Nicole Scherzinger, who in this picture looks kind of like The Mean Kardashian, also went two-piece:

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Who Fugged It More: Rashida Jones vs. Michelle Dockery

These ladies didn’t wear the same dress from the Prada collection that had faces plastered all over everything, but that doesn’t mean we can’t compare. Michelle’s had the face down on the bottom half of her dress; Rashida’s is more… everywhere:

Dockery wins the hair battle, thanks to Rashida’s apparent feud with grooming products. Neither bodice is particularly appealing to me — both flatten them out, although Rashida’s might be a shade more criminal. Dockery’s looks like the face was concussed by a bag of Skittles; this one looks like the Wizard of Starburst is ripping out her memories and replacing them with an ad for an iPod Shuffle. Dockery’s had shape, but it also sliced her across the chest more; this one looks like a pillow case with cat ears. At least Rashida handily wins the shoe battle — those are awesome — but as for the rest… I might not be able to pick a winner, because that would imply even a modicum of favoritism one way or the other, and that simply won’t do.

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[Photo: WENN]


Fug/Fab Face-Off: Jennifer Hudson vs Chloe Grace Moretz

It’s not every day that a dress someone wore to the Teen Choice Awards gets donned by an adult at a Grammy party. But Chloe Grace Moretz is a pretty mature teen, and Jennifer Hudson has crazy young skin, so maybe they meet in the middle. I would also like to meet them there, but sadly, that ship has sailed straight down my forehead furrow.

On Chloe, Jessica noted that this looks like a Swatch ad come to life, and that was deeply apt. Jennifer’s spiked short cut and sassy red lip give this the right, dressier dose of maturity — it doesn’t look like she’s in a teenager’s clothes, nor did it look like the teenager had stolen hers. I think this dress, as loud and lively as it is, might be a rare breed that can adapt to the wearer and look right when it’s treated properly, and both ladies did that. So I actually think they BOTH pulled it off. If you’re going to dress like the credits of an 80s comedy, at least make sure you look like the star of the movie.

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[Photo: Fame/Flynet]


Who Covered It Better: Kate Hudson on Harper’s Bazaar vs LC on Cosmo

We already wrote up Lauren Conrad’s springy January 2014 cover of Cosmo, and then Harper’s Bazaar came along with what I’d term the grown-up version:

It’s the adult version of the flouncy little bra-top dress, a sexier version of the California beachy-blonde subject, the more famous lady, and obviously, it has cover lines that do not include unexpected lower-case vowels. The color palette is less HOT HOT HOT GET LAID A LOT than it is Be Super Classy This Year Y’all, and instead of an interview about “getting past the haters,” this one simply offers us “the real deal.” It’s like an entire demographic jump north of the other one. The question is, which one do you like better? Neither dress lights me on fire, and both women look charming and fun, but something about the overall mien of this one stresses me out a lot less, plus Kate’s smile here is both so wholly her and so wholly Goldie, in a way that delights me. I’m sure this is just me inching toward Harper’s demo and out of Cosmo’s, but I am going to give this cover the win.

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