Fug File: Well Played

(Impressively) Well Played: Rihanna in Vetements

Real talk: This dress is prairie-frock craziness. It is WHOLLY via the efforts of Rihanna as a person that she is working this, which she is. When you’re just walking to dinner and yet you look like you might also be shooting a glossy mag editorial feature, a round of applause is in order.

[Photos: Fame/Flynet]


Well Played: Janelle Monae

Leave it to Janelle Monae to make me not hate a jumpsuit.

Janelle Monae

This thing looks like the seat of a fabulous wicker patio chair, and yet she’s wearing it, and it works. This is serious alchemy at work. She turned furniture into a viable fashion statement. It’s magic.

As an aside, I wish “Janelle Monae” had a kicky “Carte Blanchett”-style wordplay that we could employ. My nearest attempt,”Monaegic” (Monae + magic), looks more like the name of an STD medication. And I tried for a pun on “The Midas Touch” but it sounded like the STD itself. I think I need to turn this loose to the brilliant commenters in Fug Nation: Be sharp where I am blunt like softened butter.

[Photo: Getty]


Mostly Well Played: Jessica Chastain in Chanel at Couture Week

Karl Lagerfeld, Jessica Chastain

JESSICA: Hey, Karl!

KARL: Blasphemy!


KARL: Hey is for the casual, pet. Be ORNATE. Dip yourself in Fancy. Coat yourself in flakes of sophistication and then plunge like a nymph into hot cosmopolitan oil. SIZZLE.

JESSICA: Bonjour, then!

KARL: If we must. Pray, why are your hands stuffed in your pockets? That skirt is not a turkey and you are not sage-laced bread. Poultry arms are for the meek. UNCAGE YOURSELF.

JESSICA: I will, okay, su… I mean, oui, bien sur. I guess I’m nervous? This blazer is fantastic, and the skirt is great, but… why is … I don’t mean to question your…

KARL: An ellipsis is an insult without letters.

JESSICA: Oh, wow, I never…

KARL: I believe it was Plato who said, “Hashtag Yolo.”


KARL: Do not beat around the bush. Occupy the bush. Stand up in the middle of the bush and shout, “I WILL NOT BE GARDENED.”

JESSICA: Fine, yes, okay. It’s the bra, Karl. It’s distracting. Right?

KARL: Certainty and correctness are antagonistic bedfellows, sated by hate sex.

JESSICA: This whole thing is so chic and yet everyone is staring at my underwire.

KARL: I believe it was Sartre who said, “Existence precedes essence.”

JESSICA: Yeah, that one is right, but…

KARL: You are responsible for your own actions. The bra existed, so you used it. Do not make me the demon jailer of your feminine Alps. It was you.

JESSICA: But nipples aren’t really my brand.

KARL: Branding is for the thirsty, my child. BE SLAKED.

JESSICA: So just to recap, this thin blouse and my bra and stuff are my fault, and… there was a bunch of stuff about poultry and hate sex.

KARL: I took a voice memo. I shall electronic-mail it to you posthaste, so that learning might be the spawn of our provocative tango.

JESSICA: … Deal.

[Photo: Getty]


Well Played: Alicia Vikander in Rodarte

Maybe the Rodarte sisters take turns running the empire. So one of them sets the design cannon to Circus Crackfest and turns it up to eleven and fires it for five months, and then she taps out and the other one spends some time distilling all those impulses into something that can exist on this plane.

Alicia Vikander

This is sort of like Fancy Prairie Bridesmaid, except more complimentary than that sounds. The reason I tend to have more patience with Rodarte’s ups and downs than those of, say, Givenchy, is because there ARE ups. It’s easier to have a laugh at the bonkers stuff when you know something beautiful will eventually come out of it. Hopefully Givenchy will crawl out of the Kardashian pipeline and figure that out sooner than later.

[Photo: Getty]


Well Played: Michelle Obama in Preen

Dylan popped up for a visit as I was sitting down to write this piece, and so I asked him what he thinks of this frock.

Michelle Obama Leaves Spain

His response: “It looks like zig-zags. Crazy zig-zags. I like it. No, I LOVE IT. THANK YOU FOR WEARING THIS DRESS.” Sold.

Sasha also had on something cute:

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Recent (Mostly) Fabs: Naomie Harris

Time to catch up with one of my favorites. Even if I don’t like what she’s cooking, I’m never bored by the menu.

[Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty]


Well Played: June’s Best Accessories

Feeling spendy this holiday weekend, US and Canadian residents? I’ve got you covered.

[Photos: Getty, Fame/Flynet]

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