Fug File: Unfug It Up

Unfug It Up: Jessica Chastain

You guys know I love a pattern.  HOWEVER:

Jameson Empire Awards 2015

Have I completely lost the plot or does she look vaguely upholstered in this? I mean, her head looks great and it’s certainly not a lost cause. In fact, I think it’s TOTALLY fixable. There just needs to be LESS of it. No sleeves, maybe, or a shorter skirt, or a v-neckline? Should we send someone over there with a pair of scissors? Hit me with your best styling suggestions.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]


Unfug or Fab: Hailee Steinfeld in Dior

She’s probably the best person I can think of to give this a try, but surely nobody’s torso needs to be dressed as a Sizzler sneezeguard.

[Photos: Getty]


Unfug or Fab: Amanda Seyfried in Valentino

This actually as easily could’ve been a Well Played With Notes, but whatever. I’m in a voting frame of mind.

amanda seyfried while we're young premiere new york

That dress is so, so cute. I love it. Three enthusiastic thumbs up, with my fourth too paralyzed by longing to move.

But I don’t think I’d have done such a severe, tight updo. Amanda has the most glorious blonde hair, and if she’d let that stuff loose around her shoulders and smiled wide, we’d have bee in SERIOUS business. In every photo that I saw — or that’s come in so far, anyway — her only grin is tight-lipped at best. Maybe that’s because the hair is impeding the movement of her facial muscles, or something. Here’s a side view:

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Unfug or Fab: Taylor Swift in Julien Macdonald at the Elle Style Awards

Never let it be said that T.Swift isn’t savvy: She is in the UK to accept an Elle Style Award, and so she’s wearing a Welsh designer.

taylor swift elle style awards 2015

And this is pretty clearly an attempt to walk on the wilder side, especially on the heels of that exceedingly wholesome apple-pie Vogue photoshoot, where she and Karlie Kloss channeled their best Niki and Krissy Taylor impressions, as if it was YM and the year was 1992. I don’t think Taylor does anything that isn’t meticulously planned and whose effect is thoroughly mapped, and this must be to remind us all that she’s not JUST pop and love and light, but also in her mid-twenties and ready for us to take any forthcoming Dark Times Depicted In Song very seriously. I get it. She can’t just be one thing, but she also can’t go full Miley and start making sex toys out of My Little Pony memorabilia.

I just think the whole isn’t the sum of its parts here. What I like: the green, the dark pedicure, the shoes (more dramatic and less vintage-y than she normally picks), the slicked-back hair, for a change. What I could live with: the dress from the waist down, even though it’s still not my favorite; it’s the part I would salvage if we needed to keep something. What I am not sure about: the makeup. I do think I get the thinking that a purpley vampy lip would’ve taken this too costumey, but the lighter approach seems mismatched. What I really don’t like: the big exposed zipper, and the rest of the bodice. It sits too low, and the straps seem to draw attention to it rather than hold up the whole thing.

Have at it, Fug Nation. How would you adapt this, but still try to keep the more adult vibe Taylor clearly wants to create? Also, someone please introduce her to some more boys, because I think we’re all just about ready for her to have more song fodder. Failing that, she should just leaf through Us and write songs mining the pain of OTHER people’s breakups. I’m eager for her interpretation of, say, whether Common and Serena are having trouble letting each other go (called “Deuce (Advantage: You)”), or of course the pressing issue of Hilary Duff divorcing her Hockey Mike. She could call it “Penalty Box,” or “Two Minutes For Roughing (My Heart).”

[Photo: Getty]


Unfug or Fab: Thandie Newton

In the words of the infamous Kirk Van Houten, father 0f Milhouse, can I borrow a feeling?

The Royal Performance and world premiere of "The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel"

Because other than being enchanted by Thandie Newton’s face, I can’t muster up an emotion here. It fits. The buttons look like brass hip nipples. Does it need to be hoiked at all? But if it is hoiked, then the necklace will REALLY drop into her cleavage. And the white hem at the bottom might make it look like drapes in a way that it wouldn’t if that part were black like the rest. I don’t know what to DO about it, other than to be disappointed, which is where I hope you will come in and lend me a more satisfying emotion — be it ragey or sheer delight.

This may help:

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Unfug It Up: Natalie Dormer

SO CLOSE, right?

InStyle's The Best Of British Talent: Pre-BAFTA Party - Red Carpet Arrivals

I just want to sneak up behind her, snip off those sleeves, THROW THEM IN A FIRE, and then harass her for Game of Thrones spoilers until security comes to escort me from the building. That’s doable, right? Promise me you’ll visit if I end up in jail. I need someone to come by and tell me what’s happening on Scandal!

[Photo: Getty]