Fug File: Unfug It Up

CFDAs Unfug It Up: Victoria Beckham


The thing is, she actually looks fine. Maybe even great.

victoria beckham CFDA Awards 2015

And I think it’s great that Victoria Beckham has carved a space for herself as a savvy and gifted businesswoman, and I will always remember what a great impression I got of her when she did those tiny salon-style fashion shows and narrated the entire thing. But I’m jonesing for a makeover. A poshover. A becksover. Let’s bob the hair again, maybe — angular and cool — or change up the eye makeup so it’s not always exactly the same heavy eye with brown shadows and dark liner and nude lips. Let’s throw in some color. Let’s, for kicks, stand with the other side of the face exposed to the lenses. (Even in her 73 Questions video for Vogue ages ago, she tried to be filmed only from this angle whenever possible.) In short, while this is perfectly fine for a night at which she is representing herself as a businesswoman first and other things second and Posh Spice distantly last, I’m ready for her to shake it up aesthetically. What would you do with her? Hint: Imagine that you are Tyra Banks and she is a Top Model contestant, and then do the opposite.

[Photo: Getty]

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CFDA Unfug It Up: January Jones


I don’t even know why I’m being nice about this. Maybe because I really miss Mad Men and I like her on Instagram? I don’t even know. This has issues. I KNOW IT HAS ISSUES:

2015 CFDA Fashion Awards - Inside Arrivals

But it’s also kind of Samantha Jones Goes To Some Awful Studio 54 Theme Party And Secretly Really Pulls It Off While Carrie Attempts A Tube Top And Strangles a Metaphor in a way that makes me feel nostalgic and sort of thirsty for a cosmo, even though I can’t drink them ever since That One Birthday Where I Had Three in Two Hours. (In my defense, the problem with the cosmo is that it’s served in such an easy-spill container! You slurp up enough cosmo so that you don’t slosh it on your shoes and then the next thing you know IT’S GONE and then shortly thereafter you might barf.)  So, yes, maybe I’m mentally drunk and therefore more positively disposed to everything but I swear if the crotch on the pants weren’t totally insane we might be into this. Maybe? What do you think?

[Photo: Getty]

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Unfug It Up: January Jones


I like the pattern on this, which I am calling Electric Feather.

january jones fox upfront

But the way it’s draped and cut… I’m calling it Frump & Fold. Don’t let it happen to you.

[Photo: Getty]

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Unfug or Fab: Kiernan Shipka


Obviously, this child is made of magic dust.

kiernan shipka nylon young hollywood party

But sometimes it takes more than a supernatural sprinkle, and I’ll be honest, this outfit looks more like someone’s interior-design inspiration board than an actual cohesive garment. For ME, a single spaghetti strap, a napkin, some confetti, a corset that maybe used to be a sofa, and a stripy skirt mainly add up to taking two Advil and going back to bed. I don’t blame her for trying, but this science might be more advanced than even Cate Blanchett could crack. What would you do to streamline this into something worthy of our beloved Sally Draper? Or would you leave it because, like Bridget Jones, you love it just as it is?

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[Photo: Getty]

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Unfug or Fab: Lena Dunham in Mary Katrantzou


I think Lena’s pixie cut looks better on the magazine cover than it does in life.

lena dunham variety power of women

But maybe it’s just that she needs a stronger lipstick. I can’t decide. As far as the outfit goes, the blue shoes are REALLY cute (and play off the back of the dress, which is solid, in that shade), and the pattern on the frock is funky too. I almost love it, but have reservations about whether the sleeve length is the best choice on her, and… Is it just me, or do those pixies work better on people with immaculate posture? I don’t mean that as a knock — I have terrible posture, from all this sitting and typing; it is what it is — but rather that having no hair basically means you have nowhere to hide, so even a fractional slump can end up looking much slouchier than it actually is. It’s a trick of physics or something, and that can drag down an outfit as fast as the garment itself.

Thoughts? Keep the cut, swap or tweak the dress? Keep the dress, plug in a wig? Take two lipsticks and call me in the morning? Discuss.

[Photo: Getty]

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Unfug It Up: Jessica Chastain


You guys know I love a pattern.  HOWEVER:

Jameson Empire Awards 2015

Have I completely lost the plot or does she look vaguely upholstered in this? I mean, her head looks great and it’s certainly not a lost cause. In fact, I think it’s TOTALLY fixable. There just needs to be LESS of it. No sleeves, maybe, or a shorter skirt, or a v-neckline? Should we send someone over there with a pair of scissors? Hit me with your best styling suggestions.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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