Fug File: Unfug It Up

Unfug or Fab: Winona Ryder


Winona looks terrified, as usual.

Wino Forever

She needn’t be too worried. Despite this also being her standard all-dark aesthetic, she looks really good. The jacket and dress are both cut beautifully and fit with precision. I honestly think all I’d have done is pick a funkier purse and sweep back her hair a bit, so that it looks less like she’s trying to disappear behind it. And maybe… not boots, if that’s what those are. What would you do? Or does this tickle your fancy as-is? I’ll say this: She DOES make the grown-up Lydia Deetz thing work. If she showed up somewhere in fuchsia I might faint.

[Photo: Getty]

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Unfug or Fab: Isabelle Fuhrman in Christian Siriano


I love how unusual this choice is, but y’all, sing it with me: I HAVE NOTES.

AOL Build Speaker Series - Isabelle Fuhrman, "Dear Eleanor"

First, I’d brighten up the lip. Second, I’d lighten up the shoe. This might be a rare instance where beige or white works better than black, because they at least play off the colors threaded into the dress. The black shoes have no relevance to this conversation. I’m totally going to put that to a vote, by the way, too, as beige, black, and white pumps are so often trotted out as neutral choices. Which supposedly neutral shoe would you have chosen, if those were your only three options? STAY TUNED. I’m embedding that poll at the end of this post. Because first we have to talk about the sleeves.

The sleeves. THE SLEEVES, y’all. They are like eyelids on a giant muppet. I can just see Snuffleupagus’s lady-friend batting those at him flirtatiously. I do get that they’re the primary design feature, and yet… they kind of AREN’T, due to the dress itself being a bright color and having a gentle pattern. That is enough for me. If you chopped those suckers off and left the caps over her shoulders — or went sleeveless, short, or even lnog-sleeved — it would be cuter. And as an added benefit, it would make this less jarring:

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Unfug or Fab: Helen Mirren


The dress itself is thoroughly sunny and summery and charming. I’ve no beef with you, friend.

Helen Mirren

But the shoes are like clunky ankle-strap versions of the Guccis that chap my very essence, and the proportions of the sweater are all wrong for this. That’s a very soft-looking summer wine cardigan for when twilight has settled and a breeze has kicked up, but you’re not ready to leave the patio and you just opened a fresh Pinot Grigio. I think I would have left it on the porch swing and found another wrap.

[Photo: Getty]

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Unfug It Up: Meghan Trainor in Michael Costello at the Billboard Music Awards


I spent all of Sunday outside, at my kids’ school’s spring fair, so I can’t look at this without wanting to pass out from sunstroke.

Meghan Trainor

But aside from how seasonally intense this dress is, I think it’s way, way too much for her. It’s swallowing her whole, and worse, it’s SO dominating that it overshadows what are some truly saucy shoes. At the very least I would like to make this knee-length. And maybe sleeveless? Or just reconceive the top altogether so that she looks less like she’s about to ride into battle, sword aloft, in an ad for Game of War.

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Unfug It Up: Olivia Munn in Balmain


Balmain certainly has done worse.

Olivia Munn

But Balmain could also have done better. I’d have made the top a plain halter, perhaps, instead of designing it to resemble two crossed neckties over a tube top. I’d also have lined the skirt and taken away the strip of midriff. And fit it properly. The only thing here that’s correctly sized to her figure is the footwear, made all the more obvious by the fact that we JUST saw Kate Beckinsale in a visually questionable midriff-baring dress that still perfectly tailored. It can be done, Balmain. Please look up from the Kardashian Instagram feeds long enough to make it happen.

[Photo: Getty]

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Unfug It Up: Jennifer Connelly in Louis Vuitton


Jennifer Connelly is a very willing representative for Louis Vuitton. She almost always wears their creations top-to-toe, soup to nuts, shoulders to shoes; this is no exception.

Jennifer Connelly

They are REALLY peddling those boots right now, and it might be working (well, it’s inspiring me to buy boots made by other people, but still). The bigger problem for me is the clothes hanging out above them. The pattern could have potential, but as-is, it’s like she bought an Elizabethan-inspired leather jacket and then poked her legs through a throw-pillow.

[Photo: Getty]

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Unfug It Up: Zoey Deutch in Dolce & Gabbana


I call this photo, “The Best Worst Position.”

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Because what a thing, to see that dress in action, but what an agony to have to plod up the stairs behind it. No matter what you’re wearing, you’re catching the tired fumes of people’s excited exhalations. I also feel like Zoey Deutch (daughter of Lea Thompson; to me, star of the late, lamented Ringer) has to be pondering how long she’s supposed to wait there before it’s universally accepted that Zoe Saldana has made it far enough up the stairs and/or can be safely passed on the left. They ARE wide enough to have a fast lane.

Let’s take a closer look at Zoey’s gown, which I ALMOST love.

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