Fug File: Unfug It Up

Unfug It Up: Meghan Trainor in Michael Costello at the Billboard Music Awards


I spent all of Sunday outside, at my kids’ school’s spring fair, so I can’t look at this without wanting to pass out from sunstroke.

Meghan Trainor

But aside from how seasonally intense this dress is, I think it’s way, way too much for her. It’s swallowing her whole, and worse, it’s SO dominating that it overshadows what are some truly saucy shoes. At the very least I would like to make this knee-length. And maybe sleeveless? Or just reconceive the top altogether so that she looks less like she’s about to ride into battle, sword aloft, in an ad for Game of War.

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Unfug It Up: Olivia Munn in Balmain


Balmain certainly has done worse.

Olivia Munn

But Balmain could also have done better. I’d have made the top a plain halter, perhaps, instead of designing it to resemble two crossed neckties over a tube top. I’d also have lined the skirt and taken away the strip of midriff. And fit it properly. The only thing here that’s correctly sized to her figure is the footwear, made all the more obvious by the fact that we JUST saw Kate Beckinsale in a visually questionable midriff-baring dress that still perfectly tailored. It can be done, Balmain. Please look up from the Kardashian Instagram feeds long enough to make it happen.

[Photo: Getty]

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Unfug It Up: Jennifer Connelly in Louis Vuitton


Jennifer Connelly is a very willing representative for Louis Vuitton. She almost always wears their creations top-to-toe, soup to nuts, shoulders to shoes; this is no exception.

Jennifer Connelly

They are REALLY peddling those boots right now, and it might be working (well, it’s inspiring me to buy boots made by other people, but still). The bigger problem for me is the clothes hanging out above them. The pattern could have potential, but as-is, it’s like she bought an Elizabethan-inspired leather jacket and then poked her legs through a throw-pillow.

[Photo: Getty]

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Unfug It Up: Zoey Deutch in Dolce & Gabbana


I call this photo, “The Best Worst Position.”

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Because what a thing, to see that dress in action, but what an agony to have to plod up the stairs behind it. No matter what you’re wearing, you’re catching the tired fumes of people’s excited exhalations. I also feel like Zoey Deutch (daughter of Lea Thompson; to me, star of the late, lamented Ringer) has to be pondering how long she’s supposed to wait there before it’s universally accepted that Zoe Saldana has made it far enough up the stairs and/or can be safely passed on the left. They ARE wide enough to have a fast lane.

Let’s take a closer look at Zoey’s gown, which I ALMOST love.

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Unfug or Fab: Priyanka Chopra at the Time 100 Gala


I’m on board with this in the abstract.

Priyanka Chopra

But does it seem like the devil is in the details here? The front of the blazer looks… fine? … but the cut of the sleeves, namely the one on the right, is Janky Supreme. The pants aren’t much better. They’re bunchy and creased and imprecise, like it’s the first time the designer had ever even TRIED to understand how trousers work. Priyanka Chopra’s first Time 100 Gala doesn’t seem like a place where you want a suit virgin to have a First Time.

And speaking of the devil, and details, can we talk about how bad Quantico is? The first half of the season was pretty weak — like, why didn’t they make the present-day stuff five years in the future instead of just nine months, so that they had more TIME for all these Where Are They Now scenarios to play out? Why was all the hair on that one actor’s face — including stubble — EXACTLY the same length? Why does that one character wear SO MUCH MAKEUP and HUGE FALSE EYELASHES for all her training? Why did no one have chemistry? But it got even worse at the midseason break. What school suddenly has a new class that’s ONE MONTH ahead of the new recruits (especially when Wikipedia can tell you they do classes in ten-week bursts only four times a year)? Worse, a class our idiot-heroes had never heard of, with people none of them had ever seen or spoken to before? And what show goes to that lengths of absurdity to introduce new characters, only to make those characters THE WORST and so boring and terrible? Why is Alex ACTUALLY DOING A TERRORIST’S BIDDING? What the hell is even happening on it anymore?

[Photo: Getty]

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Unfug or Fab: Cassie


The thing is, I actually think this dress is gorgeous.

Cassie

I just wish it were a halter top. Somehow, on her body, the deep vee is looking a little pageant — and unfortunately, is also turning her torso into an International House of Boob Pancakes. (To be clear, that is not her body’s fault. It’s just that the steep front cut can be a tougher sell on ladies with a fuller cup size.) Throw in the somewhat messy hairstyle, and… basically, this doesn’t seem to be servicing any of the available glories to their fullest.

[Photo: Getty]

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SAG Awards Unfug It Up: Rachel McAdams in Elie Saab


I’m happy Spotlight won the SAG for Best Ensemble; it’s a strongly acted movie from top to tail, and there’s something really quiet and old-school about it — like, it didn’t need an aggressive CGI bear or any narrative gimmicks (The Big Short) or explosions or anything else; it was just tight narrative and pace and tension. And it was about newspapers, which… man, it will make you really nostalgic for the days when this kind of reporting was a lynchpin of the world.

Anyhoo, Rachel McAdams got to cuddle the SAG statue for a bit:

Rachel McAdams in Elie Saab

I love the shape of this: romantic, full, flattering, TOTALLY the kind of thing you want to wear when two of your exes are in the building. There is maybe a sliver of pizza in the building (I THINK I can see through her skirt?), and her head-styling belongs to a daytime tea party. But my real, primary beef with it is that I think black and beige are, together, about the most boring thing you could do.

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