Time for perhaps my favorite column of the year. As summer draws to a close and we look forward to fall, fashion week, and awards season, it’s time to figure out which celeb won blockbuster movie season’s red carpet. Gwyneth and her side-butt? Zoe Saldana and her ice skating costume? Michael B Jordan and his infection grin?
“Mother Goop was concurrently shilling her second cookbook and a partnership with trainer Tracy Anderson. Yes, Gywneth was literally out selling her perky ass.”
In which we choose ten of last night’s most cracked out get-ups, like this one:
“Because obviously what the VMAs are missing is a low-rent Gwen Stefani impersonator straight from an uncontrolled binge in the bead aisle of her local craft store. Say a prayer for the hot glue stick that died for this look’s sins.”
You guys, seriously, there’s nothing I can say other than: You REALLY have to see some of these. For example, from April, 1992:
“…while she could not have divined that American Horror Story someday would put the final nail in the Gimp-costume coffin, she did presumably have time to talk herself out of this during the 45 minutes it doubtless took to put it on.”
Including a couple people we haven’t featured yet on GFY, like the one that necessitated this comment:
Because what girl doesn’t want to look like her boobs are growing out of her shoulders?
Which artist is that? And whom else did we spotlight? Pop over to The Cut to see.
In which we do a long and dishy Cannes roundup, including:
“…this loud housecoat was even more aggressively hideous than the tackiest efforts of Cannes. It’s dumpy, it’s cheap-looking — it looks like it clashes with her very soul. Certainly it chafes ours.”
To whom could we be referring? Find out, and read the rest over at The Cut!
In which we applaud the people who maybe looked insane, but also MADE A FREAKING EFFORT LAST NIGHT. For example:
“We feel dirty even saying this, but Miley really turned it out in this (lined, thank you, Marc Jacobs) fishnet number. She gets bonus punk points for that crazy hair, which is like There’s Something About Mary by way of Billy Idol.”