Fug File: Look Into Pants

Can’t Fug The Moonlight


Obviously, I don’t know what LeAnn Rimes is going through right now.

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

But if I were allegedly seeing a dude with whom I’d cheated on my husband, and whose very angry wife keeps giving vitriolic quotes to the tabloids for use in articles where I am made to sound like a shameless harlot whose groin is a sin magnet, I would maybe lean away from wearing shirt-dresses that look like I just dashed out of the waxing salon to feed the parking meter, before going back inside and getting a nice married-man-grabbing Brazilian. It just doesn’t seem wise, you know?

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Fug Power


PEOPLE OF THE WORLD:

[Photo: Splash News]

You know how there’s that old gag about tagging the words, “in bed” to the end of every fortune cookie’s fortune? Like I had one last night informing me that my personal happiness lies in achieving my professional goals. Which is much more salacious if I am achieving said goals….IN BED. I propose that the GFY version of that involves adding the words, “look into pants,” to every Spice Girls song lyric that comes to mind until our sweet lady Ginger here gets the message.

For example:

“People of the world: look into pants! Every boy and every girl: LOOK INTO PANTS!”

Or:

“If you wanna be my lover, you gotta LOOK INTO PANTS!”

Or:

“Come a little bit closer, baby, get it on, get it on. Cause TONIGHT is the NIGHT that we LOOK INTO PANTS.”

Or:

“I’m giving you every thing/ All that joy can bring/ This I swear./ And, all that I want from you/ Is a promise you will LOOK INTO PANTS.”

And so forth. I understand that Ginger might think — being British — that we are imploring her to wear knickers rather than trousers, but considering how perilous her situation appears in this photo, I think we’d love it if she was sure to wear BOTH, no? I thought so. Now, go forth and sing.

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Fug Pains


Sigh.

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

The way this week is going, she’ll probably recreate this tonight, only with an actual gun and me grasping my fresh gunshot wound and begging her both for my life and to PUT ON SOME PANTS.

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Fuglycat Dolls


I never understood why everyone flipped out about Kate Gosselin’s haircut. Yes, it’s not great, but it’s also not the first of its kind. Posh Spice did it long before the reverse-mullet was even a glint in Kate’s eye, and even Kimberly Wyatt — who I know is of The Pussycat Dolls only because that’s what the Internet keeps insisting — beat her to it.

Hopefully this is not an ongoing pattern for them wherein Kate picks up their messy thirds. Because we all know Posh has gone pantsless before, and sure enough, here comes Kimmy:

[Photo: Splash News]

That’s not a shirt. That’s two flannel pillowcases pinned together at the shoulders. I’ve seen infants in more full-coverage outfits, and half of their ensembles involve the word “Pampers.” Please, Kate Gosselin, do not pick up this cue from your hair twin. I already accidentally saw paparazzi photos of you flashing your underwear; I do not need any more of you (or your odious ex) in my life.

But, back to Kimberly Wyatt: Based on the facial expression of the woman behind her, I have a sneaking suspicion that Kimberly here is using those tights as trousers, espousing the tragic “you can’t spell ‘panty hose’ without ‘pants’” school of thought. Let’s take a look-see:
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Random Fug


This photo is from an event held in support of David Carradine Memorial Fund.

I didn’t know this was something that actually needed to be spelled out for people, but here goes: even when the deceased in question died under suspiciously saucy circumstances, you are NOT ALLOWED to attend anything that involves the phrase “memorial fund” dressed like a streetwalker. And that’s not hyperbole. I have actually seen prostitutes hanging out in front of the Donut Hole on the corner of Highland and Melrose WEARING THIS. DIAL IT DOWN, HONEY. For your own good. 

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Fugger Face


GUESSSSSS WHOOOOOOOO?

[Photo: WENN.com]

You’ll never guess! You’ll never, never guess. You’ll simply never, never, never never never never hazard a guess. IT’S SUCH A CONUNDRUM!

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