Fug File: Fugs

American Idol Finale Fug Carpet: Jennifer Lopez in Zuhair Murad


jennifer lopez cannes opening ceremony

“You heard wrong. My television show is not cancelled. My television show is having its quinceañera next year and must then leave to become a woman. So do not get it twisted. You do not CANCEL the LOPEZ. But you know who is going to get canceled? Mother Nature, for spitting in my face. I may only be partially eclipsing my groin, lovers, but I will totally eclipse the sun WITH MY FIST when I fly up and punch it into 2020. Unless… is this a test? Am I learning what it feels to be blind, like that Hairdevil man who Plugfleck played in the movie where he met Jennifer Garbage? Is this teaching me about the heroes who don’t no never mind lovers I still want to punch so take your stupid sun and stop lighting the Lopez. I make my own spotlight.”

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]



Fug the Show: Wolf Hall recap, “Master of Phantoms”

Well, this escalated quickly. Additionally: although this final episode was, I thought, VERY strong and easily the most compelling of the series, I also felt like we were missing some connective tissue in the story. I know that Masterpiece has a way of trimming scenes between the original and the US airings — which drives me bonkers — but I rather felt like this particular episode was counting on the viewer’s knowledge of basic history to fill in the blanks. Obviously, everyone who wasn’t in a coma throughout history class knows that Anne Boleyn loses her head — there is no historical tale used more often to wake up high school students after lunch than Henry VIII and his many wives, and for extremely good reason — but it seemed weird to me from a narrative perspective that we never got a scene where Anne was specifically told it was OVER, for example. That doesn’t take away from how great this episode was, but: LET’S DISCUSS.


Cannes Opening Ceremony Fugs and Fabs

Some people dig the whole Globes-to-Oscars stretch, but for my money, the Met Gala rolling into Cannes is the most wonderful time of the year. Except for Christmas, because PRESENTS.

[Photos: Getty]


Fugs and Fabs: Sienna Miller in Cannes

First Sienna Miller got a Vogue story about how she’s incredibly in-demand — after barely being in Foxcatcher and being sort of okay but beside the point in American Sniper — and now she’s a Cannes juror? Team Miller is having a good year.

[Photos: Getty, Fame/Flynet]


Amusingly Played: Pink

We don’t have too many Pink sightings these days, so I’m glad she at least ATTEMPTED a cape when she swooped back into our lives.

pink BMI Pop Awards

But I want Pink to swan around in only the most lush and expensive caftans, and this cape instead looks cheap. Like she’s a sorceress on a budget. Which NEVER ends well. One minute you’re promising to swap eye of newt for eye of frog just this once, and the next thing you know, the spell that was supposed to give you Cate Blanchett’s skin actually turns Intern George into a fireplace screen.

[Photo: Getty]


Cannes Red Carpet Well Played: Lupita Nyong’o in Gucci

Well, what better place to go Full Princess than the opening gala of Cannes?

[Photos: Getty]