Fug File: Fugs

Fugs and Pieces, March 28th 2014


First of all, we’re excited to note that we’re going to be attending this event in support of our friend Pamela Ribon’s new book, Notes to Boys, this Saturday (March 29th). We will be…performing. And yes, there will be drinks.

– We’re also going to be at the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books, coming up in April. Our panel is Sunday, April 13th, at 12pm on the YA Stage, and we’re appearing with fellow authors Robin Benway and Lauren Myracle. We will be in the depths of working on our new book, The Royal We, so we’ll probably be extra crazy, which is always fun for everyone. Come out and say hello, Los Angelenos! COME WITNESS OUR CRAZY.

– Yes, on the off-chance you haven’t heard, Heather and I are working on a new book. It’s an adult book — not in the sense that it’s XXX-rated (although people do misbehave all over the place, which has been fun to write), but simply in the sense that it’s not a Young Adult book the way Spoiled and Messy are — called The Royal We, and we’re really, really excited for it. You can keep up with our progress, and all kinds of book things, over at our book blog, but of course we’ll make sure all the big headlines pop up here at GFY as well.

– Finally — and I swear I’m almost done with the personal stuff and will soon move onto juicy links and hot dudes as usual — yesterday we found out that NBCUniversal is shutting down Television Without Pity (and, in fact, shuttering its archives, which I think is a terrible loss for internet pop culture criticism from an anthropological standpoint if nothing else; fine, I also wish I’d printed out all my Kingpin recaps, because that show featured a man-eating tiger and it was amazing and those recaps might be the only thing that proves it ever existed). As many of you know, back in the day Heather and I were both recappers at TWoP (dating from the days when it was still Mighty Big TV), which is how we met in the first place. If not for Television Without Pity, none of us would be reading GFY right now, because it would not exist. I can say with complete sincerity that Television Without Pity changed the entire course of my life; it gave me a career for which I am profoundly grateful, and it either directly and it indirectly introduced me to a huge number of people whom I love very much. Heather, in fact, never would have met her husband if not for TWoP, because she moved to Los Angeles when her writing there landed her a job out here. ["Jess and I were having a Sliding Doors moment all day yesterday -- if not for MBTV/TWoP, where would we be, who would we be friends with, and what would our lives even look like? It's too immense a house of cards to fathom." -- H] The site changed after it was sold to NBCUniversal — and that’s okay; everything changes — but it was profoundly important to us, and I needed to pour some out. Going forward, you can find many of the old school recappers (and TWoP’s founders) at Previously.TV and — as always – here, in the form of me and H. If you feel so inclined, we welcome you remembering the good times in the comments; I’m sure the old guard would love knowing if the site meant something to you, as it did to us.

– This was possibly my favorite shout-out to TWoP, over at the wonderful Smart Bitches, Trashy Books. (Which is definitely one of my favorite site names, ever). (Smart Bitches, Trashy Books)

–And now back to your regularly scheduled programming: in this week’s Vanity Fair Who Wore It Best Battle: TWO POPES ENTER. ONE POPE LEAVES. As Olivia takes on…you know, the Pope. The Pope. (Vanity Fair)

Let’s talk about TV show theme songs over at Pajiba. (Did you know that the “It’s JESS!” from the New Girl theme is what Heather uses as the sound cue when I text her? It’s true. I love that despite the fact that obviously I never hear it. ["I did make her text me once while she was in the room so she could hear it." - H]) (Pajiba)

– This is one of the reasons I love Vulture: Let’s Remember Christopher Meloni’s Psychotic Oz Love Story. (Vulture)

– ALSO: Mark L. Walberg Explains How to Host a Crazy Reality Show. (Vulture)

– A kid in Pittsburgh has discovered that if the US government just switches from Times New Roman to Garamond, it will save $136 million bucks. FONTS TO THE RESCUE. (CNN)

– Science has finally proven that it’s a bad idea to pee in the pool. (Smithsonian)

– The hed for this article is my everything. It has SO MANY THINGS in which I am interested: “Demons, mummies and ancient curses: should the British Museum be afraid? The British museum already teems with spooky objects. Could an ancient Assyrian artwork prove one curse too many?” I don’t know, but I hope someone’s writing a book where the answer is YES. (The Guardian)

Turns out Vanity Fair AND Harper’s Bazaar BOTH wanted Kimye for their covers, and they decided to go with Vogue. Kim, it seems, didn’t want to work with Terry Richardson at Harper’s, to which I say with complete sincerity: seriously, Kim, at last we agree on something. (Refinery29)

– This is one of those articles where I know I can just give you the headline. AHEM: Sorting 19th Century British Novelists Into Hogwarts (The Toast)

Lainey wonders if we miss Tom Cruise and you know what? I kinda do. (Lainey Gossip)

– Did you really think I’d let this week end without giving you some pictures of Cumberbatch? Please. (Celebitchy)

– The new Madewell collection is really cute. Leave me alone, I’m SPENDING MY FEELINGS. (Fashionista)

Why is the guest seat on the set of the new Late Night so small? Now that is all I can see. (Previously.TV)

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Freaky Fug Friday: Well Played, Melissa McCarthy


I am basically just delighted to have an excuse to give props to Melissa McCarthy, who looks so cute in this:

Cute dress, well-accessorized, fab lipstick, and great shoes. I basically want to buy everyone a round. But instead,  we are going to give away three books.

THE TASK: We’re all WORN OUT from Fug Madness, and therefore all I ask of you — cue Phantom music – is that you comment with your prediction for who is going to win it this year. I will then choose three winners AT RANDOM, so don’t worry about being correct. It’s just for fun (and also, if you’re right, you’ll be able to PROVE IT).

THE RULES: All entries must be posted in the comments of this post by 9 p.m. Pacific time on Monday.

THE PRIZE: We have three copies of Kirsten Smith’s Trinkets, freshly out in paperback. Per Amazon: “Sixteen-year-old Moe’s Shoplifters Anonymous meetings are usually punctuated by the snores of an old man and the whining of the world’s unhappiest housewife. Until the day that Tabitha Foster and Elodie Shaw walk in. Tabitha has just about everything she wants: money, friends, popularity, a hot boyfriend who worships her…and clearly a yen for stealing. So does Elodie, who, despite her goodie-two-shoes attitude pretty much has ‘klepto’ written across her forehead in indelible marker. But both of them are nothing compared to Moe, a bad girl with an even worse reputation. Tabitha, Elodie, and Moe: a beauty queen, a wallflower, and a burnout-a more unlikely trio high school has rarely seen. And yet, when Tabitha challenges them to a steal-off, so begins a strange alliance linked by the thrill of stealing and the reasons that spawn it.” Sounds like a good read, right? Kirsten is fabulous — you may know her work as a screenwriter; she wrote 10 Things I Hate About You and (one of my personal faves) She’s The Man – and I can’t wait to read the book myself. Good luck!

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Fug Madness 2014: Sweet Sixteen, The Charo Bracket Top Half


(1) RIHANNA vs. (12) ZOSIA MAMET

Personally, I kind of want these two to get stuck in an elevator together for like six hours, because I sort of feel like they might make friends and Rihanna could loosen Zosia up, while Zosia might convince RiRi to wear pants occasionally, and then RiRi could end up guest-starring on Girls as, like, this very deadpan girl who lives across the hall from Shosh and whom Shosh really wants to make friends with, to no avail. Seriously, I think this could work. While I work on my fanfic, check out Rihanna’s archives, as well as Zosia’s, and then get your vote on:

Whose fug reigns supreme?

  • Rihanna (69%, 4,145 Votes)
  • Zosia Mamet (31%, 1,893 Votes)

Total Voters: 6,037

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Fug Madness 2014: Sweet Sixteen: Cher Bracket Top Half


 

(1) MILEY CYRUS vs. (13) KRISTEN STEWART

And now things are getting intense.

Miley’s archive.

Kristen’s archive.

YOUR VOTE:

Whose fug reigns supreme?

  • Miley Cyrus (87%, 5,932 Votes)
  • Kristen Stewart (13%, 867 Votes)

Total Voters: 6,796

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Fug the Show: Revenge Recap, Season 3 Episode 16


Okay, we need to talk about the opening VOs for this show and how RIDICULOUS AND INSANE they are now. A hundred years ago, I recapped the last seasons of The X-Files on Television Without Pity: Original Flavor. And if you too watched TXF, you also know that whenever Chris Carter wrote an episode, they would almost always begin with what I once called “The Traditional Ponderous Scully Monologue,” where it was just words that sound pretty but which, if, say, you were to transcribe them, you would quickly realize mean NOTHING. EVERY OPENING VO ON THIS SHOW IS LIKE THAT. Also a hundred years ago, I recapped a season of Big Brother on which there was a contestant who basically made zero sense at all, so I started just putting nonsense words in her mouth, like, I don’t know, “headphone hydrangea flatbread pizza.”  The opening voiceover on Revenge is like what you’d get if Chris Carter and a Big Brother contestant had a baby and it’s BAD. Anyway. So was this episode. Maybe I’ll just import that X-Files recap instead. It’s the episode where Mulder starts an email to Scully all, “Dearest Dana,” like, I AM SO SURE. GOD.

ANYWAY. This episode literally includes a five minute scene where Jack doesn’t understand how to read files.

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Fug Madness 2014, Round Two: Madonna Bracket, Top Half


 

(1) LADY GAGA vs. (9) SOLANGE

I assume Gaga is relieved she wasn’t bested by an inanimate object. The being said, I feel like in many ways, Lady Gaga IS an inanimate object:

She’s a painting!

She’s a….yeah, I actually have no idea what this is:

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