Fug File: Fugs

Well Rocked: Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson


Times are slow, but I just thought you should know…

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Hercules premiere

… that even when pickings are slim on the red carpet, The Rock is still in the kitchen whipping up something fragrant.

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Fine: Mariah Carey


The thing is, I don’t think Mariah Carey actually has a style, other than tight tube dresses of varying lengths.

Mariah Carey at Hercules premiere

And I don’t think she cares.  I suppose the way Mariah plays it, she ends up being a lot more timeless than the Rihannas and Rita Oras of the world, whose photo albums someday will scream of being a pop culture time capsule. There’s a part of me that respects that a star of her wattage doesn’t bother to play a strenuous styling game (or even really learn red carpet pose science) because she presumably figures her presence is enough — and then there’s a part of me that wishes she’d recruit some insane ball gowns and dazzle and frighten us by dabbling in all the most dire trends, because she is Mariah Carey, dammit, and that should be part of the show. So, Fug Nation, play Fantasy Stylist for Our Lady of the Seventh Octave, right down to picking out her dresses if you so choose. Would you keep it simple and transcend the trends, or would you live it the hell up? What would you do, in her shoes, besides possibly get rid of those shoes?

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Fug Factor: Cheryl Cole in Ralph & Russo


I really love this line, and I want more people to wear it, because some of what’s come down the runway has been stunning and so far it’s been in limited deployment.

Cheryl Cole in Ralph & Russo (2)

And so of course, Cheryl here has popped up in a really disappointing one that is not so much harshing my buzz as sanding it down to a bloody nub. That velvet chunk is incredibly awkward there, like it and ONLY it was properly fertilized and seeded.

Oh, and if you think you caught a whiff of something transparent in the skirt…

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Letter of Truth: I Hate Math


Hey y’all!

So, it’s been like kajillion years since we talked and do you know why that is? It’s because I never leave the house anymore and when I do, I look just like any old normal lady person who’s going out to the Home Depot and then to California Pizza Kitchen for half a BBQ Chicken Chopped Salad, just like any other normal lady person who sometimes trips over her giant wedges and then has to be helped into the Costco and so now she’s not wearing them for a little while because her doctor said something-something arthroscopic something.

See?

THIS IS THE PERSON I WAS ALWAYS MEANT TO BE Y’ALL. Pleather catsuits are exhausting. Oh right also I’m never out anymore because I guess I have that show in Vegas and it’s keeping me busy but what’s ACTUALLY keeping me busy in Vegas are three things: the slots, and also they have a Serendipity there now and I’m really busy trying to find it (I only know it’s there because I saw it on an episode of Food Network Star and also there was an ad in the LAS VEGAS MAGAZINE that’s in my dressing room).

You know who else hasn’t left the house lately? JESSICA BIEL I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS.

But anyway the whole reason I popped up today is because according to “sources” (the photographers who were with me today) some lady just walked up to me and GAVE ME THIS NICE RUG and I thought you should know that you’re still living in a world where strangers give former teen superstars really nice rugs just out of the goodness of their hearts. Not everything is as terrible as you think it is. Also, I wanted you to see that I look cute with this short haircut and actually I ALSO look better in sunglasses.

Maybe I’ll talk to you later. Am I on X-Files again this season? I kind of hope not. None of those people could sing and Demi Moore kept dipping the end of her extensions in my Diet Coke.

BYE!

Britney!

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Eva Fuggoria


This event was in the name of HER foundation, partially…

… so someone should’ve found her a dress that didn’t look like a chocolate wrapper flattened by a child’s motorized 4×4. Or at LEAST teach the child to run over it in a way that gives it a flattering shape. MY GOD, WOMAN. Don’t you KNOW who you ARE?

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

 

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Well Played, Allison Janney


Do I LOVE the shoes? No.

Does it ruin anything? NO. That sound you hear is my inner child bemoaning my outer crone for not growing up this splendidly.

[Photo: Splash]

 

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