Fug File: Fug The Show

Fug the Show: The Good Wife Power Suit Ranking, season 6, episode 5


I never thought I would say this in a Good Wife recap, but: Stay tuned for the penguin in a top hat. (Scandal, though… I mean, aren’t we ALL just waiting for one to turn up there?)

14. Cary and Taye Diggs

Presumably they’re resting Matt Czurchy because of all the criminal trial stuff he has coming up, so to make up for all that future frowning, they let Kalinda spend a lot of time on-camera worshiping his male form with her mouth.

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The only other thing he does is get suspicious of her commitment to him, which is correct. As for Taye:

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He is Alicia’s co-counsel, and I think he’s JUST bored enough that he’s messing with us by wearing the grey suit with a black vest and a yellow tie, like a bumblebee in a winter coat.

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But then he serves up some soothing lavender. It’s probably overkill, frankly — we are already looking, I promise; our eyes don’t need HELP moving toward him, and that’s a lot of Stuff. But on the other hand, if you aren’t giving Taye Diggs anything interesting to do, then I’m not going to get mad at the show for essentially highlighting him and then circling him in red pen and drawing arrows at his chest.

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Fug the Show: How To Get Away With Murder recap, season 1, episode 4


Jessica and I recently concluded that Viola Davis’s performance is accomplished, yes, but also extremely curious — because she’s so AGGRAVATED-seeming all the time, as if she read the script and went, “Ugh, Annalise clearly hates all these morons.” Between that and the way she walks like her feet hurt, Annalise comes across less like a dynamic, compelling, charismatic force of nature, and more like she’s both existentially exhausted and exhausted by everyone’s stupidity.

Moving on: As with the latest Nashville, there was a Wig Removal in this episode. I kept hoping it was going to be this guy.

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I feel like a golf video: I just want to grip it, and rip it. I could wring it out and have enough oil to cook dinner. I THINK the implication is that he ran over to his pseudo-boyfriend’s apartment — it is, as Jake Ballard would say, a booty call — but he spends a LOT of time looking like his personal odor is troublesome.

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Fug the Show: Reign recap, season 2, episode 3, “Coronation”


a) I HATE Mary.

b) Grain is BORING.

c) You should just assume that any time Mary or any of the Ladies appears on camera, I squawk, “WHAT IS SHE WEARING?” in an unattractive and graceless manner.

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Herein, Catherine is waxing poetic about all the shenanigans she’s got planned for Francis’s coronation and Francis and Mary both whine that the unicorns and elephants seem expensive, given that half of France is starving due to fires set to control the spread of plague (and their own combined terrible mismanagement of, like, EVERYTHING) and that it’s disgusting to be spending so much money in a time of need and Catherine is like, “you DUMBASSES. If the rest of Europe knows we’re poor and starving, they will pounce and take us over. We have to act like EVERYTHING IS FINE. PS: Nice Marchesa, Mary.”  Everyone on this show is so much dumber than Catherine. (In fairness, actual history seems to bear out that Francis, at least, WAS dumber than Catherine.)

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I’m pretty sure that, in the 16th century, proper ladies didn’t wear dresses highlighting the curvature of their bums.

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Fug the Show: Scandal recap, season 4, episode 4


Back in the Felicity days, did anyone ever imagine Scott Foley would have ANY career success threatening to snap people’s necks, and wantonly murdering, and walking casually away from a car he just blew up? Did anyone even imagine that until about halfway through his Scandal tenure?

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And yet here we are. Jake noticed a blinking red light underneath his car, so he turned tail and walked away and then unlocked it, which triggered the blast. Here is my question: B-Nefarious can do pretty much anything in the world and knows every secret there is, but no one there has figured out how to build a bomb without a crimson beacon of warning? Rethink yourselves, B-Cavalier.

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Fug the Show: Nashville recap, season 3, episode 4, “I Feel Sorry For Me”


Yeah, fine, some plot happened, but there is BIG WIG NEWS this week:

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Glenn wears a toupee! Now, I’m pretty sure we all wondered, but I felt bad delving TOO deeply into the baffling mysteries of his scalp, because maybe it was his real hair and there was nothing he could do about the fact that it looked like it was cobbled together from Conan O’Brien’s clippings.Now that we have Confirmation of Toupee, IT’S ON. That sucker was not a RUG, it was a bathmat. From IKEA.

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This photo just made me laugh. It’s the face I might make if anyone were to stick a breastplate on ME. Good luck getting that last arrow with Luke’s name on it through THAT sucker, Cupid.

Okay, I’m going to compartmentalize the stories this week, because it might be easier. First up: Rayna.

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Fug the Show: Reign Recap, season 2, episode 2, “Drawn & Quartered”


This show! This show. Oh, this show. It manages to be confusing and convoluted and overly simplistic at the same time, and it’s as cheesy as a fondue challenge on The Amazing Race but it certainly is entertaining. This week, Mary’s abject stupidity comes back to bite her in the ass and people start getting possessed.

Remember last week when the Plague was in town, killing people off (although no one you REALLY cared about) and ruining people’s lives? Remember? In case you don’t remember, look at all these dead people!

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The make-up department clearly had a blast with the Plague, by the way — all the bodies looked disgusting, so well done, Hair and Makeup.  And the Plague has run its course (I have no way of telling what the passage of time is on this show. I assume it’s been about a week since the previous episode, but you should know that I literally started thinking, “well, Francis comes home, and it probably would have taken him…well, he’s got a baby in a carriage, so he’s not as fast as he would be on his horse, and….” as if I could apply earth logic to a show that — PLOT TWIST — is going to end an episode with a dead man briefly possessing a nursemaid), and poor hot Bash is working his hot ass off going through the palace to find the dead, and assuring they get a proper burial:

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This is only, as you know, my second episode of this show, but I might love him. You’re supposed to, right? He’s the illegitimate son of the king so he has angsty issues, I presume, about his place in this world, which is always sexy, and he’s totally respectful of the dead, which is a plus. I mean, sure, he’s also maybe having visions and last week he spent like forty-five minutes with his face planted on a wall, but still.  I’d also like to note that Bash, so far, can really work a pair of leather breeches.

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