This show is SO EXCITED about Rachel Bilson’s prodigious pregnancy cleavage. They’re also apparently excited about her actual pregnancy, as we will soon see.
To remind you of how we left things: Lemon’s Mean Grandma Betty loaned her a bunch of money to rebuild Fanceeeeee’s after it burned down, but only on the condition that she (Lemon) go on a singles cruise, which she did. BOTH Lavon and George showed up at the docks to declare their love for her, and they’re enraged with and feel betrayed by one another over this. (Lemon doesn’t know any of this; she just sailed off in a great dress holding a cocktail.) Cricket is a lesbian! ToWanda are having a baby! And Zoe declared her love for Wade and Wade was kinda like, “eh,” and let’s just cut to the chase: she spends this whole episode trying to talk him into loving her and he FINALLY shows up at her door and admits it and then she is like, “TOO LATE” and I am like “ARE YOU KIDDING ME” and then it turns out that she’s freaking out because Zoe, like Rachel Bilson, is knocked up. DUM DUM DUMMMM.
Also, speaking of feeling betrayed, there was no Kitchen Pastry:
Rachel Bilson Pregnancy Disguise Number One: Cookware. Zoe spends a LOT of this episode trying to get Wade to love her again — she tries to get to his heart through his stomach, she tries to get there through his wang, but finally, what gets to him is a Come to Jesus from his father, Formerly Crazy Earl. There are a lot of discussions about how Wade is terrified that Zoe is going to break his heart again and ONCE AGAIN I would like to remind this show that Wade DID cheat on her. And yes, it was because he was Self-Sabotaging and whatnot, and I actually don’t think what he did is an unforgivable act from your romantic interest. I DO think the show has sort of decided to pretend it never happened, though, which they don’t need to do. Wilson Bethel is a good enough actor to play the emotional shading, and that mistake was totally in character, and it would be better if we weren’t pretending it never happened. Work with what you did to yourself, show!
Also back in action, AB’s collection of really, really cute daydresses that occasionally are unkind to her armpits:
(They’re always putting her in dresses where it looks too tight at the armpits. Once you’ve seen this, you will never unsee it.) Rachel Bilson Pregnancy Disguise Number Two: Her lab coat. (Wanda’s suggestion is that Zoe declare her love for Wade by running alongside a train while he “ships off to fight the Kaiser,” which makes me think she would enjoy the GFY Goodreads Book Club.)
While these women are weighing how best to make a giant romantic gesture to Wade, Tom has decided BlueBell needs, as you see in the sign, a volunteer fire department, so they no longer need to wait for “those fatsos over in Daphne to come to our rescue.” I mostly only took this screengrab so you can see how resplendent (and crabby) Lavon looks. I believe his pants are seersucker. Long story short: BlueBell CANNOT pull together an effective fire department, in part because Lavon and George continue to be unable to work together, even for the common good, but also because BlueBell has a higher than average number of crackpots and Tom has drafted many of them into this little scheme:
Additionally WHAT THE HELL IS TOM LONG WEARING?