Fug File: Fug The Show

Fug the Show: The Good Wife Power Suit Ranking, season 6, episode 6


Of all the crossovers I’ve imagined between this show and Scandal, my most urgent and new favorite is Elsbeth Tascioni being Fitz’s Attorney General. Just IMAGINE the beautiful aneurysms she would give Cyrus. It’s my new bliss, truly.

19. Cary

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This poor guy. He doesn’t want to move into the old Lockhart Gardner offices because he perceives it as a step backwards, but of course, he’s outvoted. Honestly, Cary, cockroaches are not acceptable business partners, and I don’t mean metaphorically. Get over it.

Second, he tries to pick up a girl at a law party, and once she finds out he’s Noted Felon Cary Agos, she balks. This leaves him with only a repellent option: a wannabe-vixen who’s turned on by his arrest, which leads to an absolutely cringeworthy exchange in which she expresses disdain for the fact that he wasn’t in prison long enough to be gang-raped, because “that would’ve been a turn-on.” I’m sure she’s meant to be a sarcastic coquette — I hope — but she comes off as a gross moron and so of course Cary gets all over that. Even when he wins, he loses: The two of them get so hammered that he’s barely upright when he gets home and finds out that Linda Lavin is giving him a spot-check, as part of her job in making sure he obeys the conditions of his bail. The girl gives Linda some lip about them doing drugs, and they had to Uber it home, meaning apparently the car took a brief detour into Indiana, which is across state lines. That whole drunken outing was his undoing. Oh, Cary. Your liver is frustrated with you.

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Fug the Show: How To Get Away With Murder recap, season 1, episode 5, “We’re Not Friends”


Every episode of this show begins with footage of the bonfire on The Night Of The MUUURDER With Which People Hope To Get Away.

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It’s all very similar b-roll and atmospherics of crowds partying and fire burning things, cut together in that quick Shondaland style. I wonder how many hours they took with this to make sure they had plenty of coverage. I also wish each shot had some kind of random Easter egg added in post-production. Like, Fitz’s face in the crowd, or Meryl Streep’s Oscar for The Iron Lady plonked ever so faintly into the flames.

Meanwhile, in Pretty Little Lawyers Grove, everyone is huddled up and Michaela is still sobbing and Connor is still hissing and Wes is still giving it all the wide-eyed Huck treatment. Laurel, meanwhile, is getting a call from Frank, which gives me several tiny strokes. Let us count them:

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Fug the Show: Reign recap, season 2 episode 4


In exciting Reign news, this episode involved ZERO GRAIN SHENANIGANS and Mary was kind of awesome in it, for once. She also wore a very good dress. Stay tuned for demonic possession (???), a rather bad performance from a guest star, and railings about how Mary’s ladies-in-waiting are basically REALLY REALLY bad at their jobs.

To start: some poor peasant fool gets menaced by three men on horseback who give him the mark of the devil and force him to give up his soul. He later murders his entire family. There is discussion as to whether this is ACTUAL devilish witchcraft or just some dudes stirring up shit for a variety of reasons + craziness. I’d argue that it would turn out to be the work of Hot, Leather-Wearing Conde (who seems to think it is the work of men, in fact) as a way to Something Something Religion, except of course we’ve seen (WE THINK) a nursemaid being possessed by a dead man. Although she could be in on it. Bash, of course, is pretty sure that we’re all about to get sucked into a fiery pit of hell, thanks to all the ghosts he saw when he was recovering from not having the plague by smashing his forehead against a pillar.

Back at the Castle From Which There Is Never a Progression, Francis and Lola’s son is being christened, and Catherine is throwing the party, because she knows she’s the only human in that castle that they NEVER LEAVE who knows how to get a giant butter sculpture made properly. She also looks fairly awesome in this:

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There’s a HUGE amount of yammering about who shall be the child’s godparents, all of which bleeds into a variety of high-spirited conversations between Mary (wearing, as you can see, a variety of curtain valances strung together) and Lola (who is wearing a GORGEOUS dress that makes her look like she was spirited in from a party at Downton) regarding (a) Lola’s guilt over nailing Francis and having his baby (b) whether or not Mary is sufficiently angry about matter (a), (c) if Lola ought to move out for reasons of awkwardness and (d) if she does, doesn’t that make her a rather crappy L in W?

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The thing is, ALL of these women are TERRIBLE ladies-in-waiting, from what I can see. Mary is ALWAYS traipsing about alone, tossing people into holes full of plague-ridden peasants and making people mad at her, with nary a woman skittering about at the edges of her petticoats, waiting to see if she needs a hanky or something. Eventually, this comes to a head with Lola and Mary, and they really do have it out in a scene that’s well done by both of them, but of course they make up before the end of the hour because there’s a stabbing that needs dealt with.

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Fug the Show: Nashville recap, season 3, episode 5, “Road Happy”


I regret to inform you that the bright ray of hope that was Glenn’s bald head… has been crushed by the weight of that infernal carpet once more. I know. We’ll get through it together, Fug Nation. I promise you this.

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Juliette is out on tour again, pregnant but in skintight dresses that they have to shoot pretty carefully because Hayden Panettiere is WAY further along than her character is. And in fact, shouldn’t she be due pretty soon? This show is going to be a HUGE MESS without her. They’d better give Rayna some layers really quickly, or else make Sadie Stone crazy interesting.

Anyway, Juliette bursts into her dressing room and frowns about how her dress is super itchy against her bump, which, if it existed, would result in her never wearing that dress in the first place. Confusion. But, that’s not the point. This is all an excuse for her to realize that a little birdie has overheard her:

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Fug the Show: Scandal recap, season 4, episode 5


This show made a couple curious choices that make me wonder whether this episode and the one prior – or even the two prior — had the deck shuffled on them a bit. One: Later on, Liv wears the EXACT same outfit she had on midway through the previous one. Two: This show opens with a lengthy segment about the case-of-the-week from TWO weeks ago — The Statutory Rapist Who Did Not Kill Her Stepdaughter — and since NOBODY CARES about that storyline, and even Scandal itself seems ambivalent right now, that’s a very strange thing to do after a strong ending to last week. Now, some of the pieces this week ARE inextricable from each other, and maybe it was just a wardrobe accident or emergency, but I’d be curious to know what (if any) pieces got moved around in the edit. ** Two commenters brought up that maybe this was the result of cutting out the Stephen Collins guest stint? I had forgotten that was supposed to happen (although he was only recurring as a news anchor, so I don’t know if his part would have been THAT major?). He tweeted about it Sept. 23, so it might be a LITTLE tight for it to have been in these episodes, too, and yet anything is possible. Let’s dispose of it quickly and then get to the better stuff:

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As a refresher, they found video of Dead Stepdaughter being harassed in an elevator at her father’s workplace. Now Liv and Quinn are staking out the same workplace, I think — seriously, no one cares — and it’s only interesting because Quinn is a bit nasty to Olivia about why she’s suddenly in there doing the dirty work with them. Olivia responds, “My boyfriend is avoiding me.” Quinn gives her this look as if to say, “OMG, you too? PEOPLE AVOID OLIVIA POPE?” It made me laugh. It’s almost as if Quinn started to like her more in that second. And soon, they see a man appear and fight with a girl they recognize as Stepdaughter’s best friend. He smacks her. The girl reels backward but does not try to escape, grabbing instead at her face, and then the man executes her. They ID the man as a famously crooked ex-cop in D.C. who now does private security for firms like the one owned by Stepdaughter’s father, and the man menacingly tells the FIRST dead girl’s dad that he killed them BOTH to protect some key. But of course, the key is still missing. Why? Read More

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Fug the Show: The Good Wife Power Suit Ranking, season 6, episode 5


I never thought I would say this in a Good Wife recap, but: Stay tuned for the penguin in a top hat. (Scandal, though… I mean, aren’t we ALL just waiting for one to turn up there?)

14. Cary and Taye Diggs

Presumably they’re resting Matt Czurchy because of all the criminal trial stuff he has coming up, so to make up for all that future frowning, they let Kalinda spend a lot of time on-camera worshiping his male form with her mouth.

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The only other thing he does is get suspicious of her commitment to him, which is correct. As for Taye:

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He is Alicia’s co-counsel, and I think he’s JUST bored enough that he’s messing with us by wearing the grey suit with a black vest and a yellow tie, like a bumblebee in a winter coat.

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But then he serves up some soothing lavender. It’s probably overkill, frankly — we are already looking, I promise; our eyes don’t need HELP moving toward him, and that’s a lot of Stuff. But on the other hand, if you aren’t giving Taye Diggs anything interesting to do, then I’m not going to get mad at the show for essentially highlighting him and then circling him in red pen and drawing arrows at his chest.

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