My new favorite band is Gunnar, Avery, and Zoey, and if this show goes off the air at any point then those actors need to hit the road together.
Fug File: Fug The Show
Please watch this show, Fug Nation, because it is DISHY. Judith Light snorts blow and drawls a lot! Sue Ellen drinks! People revenge-dance!
I was lamenting the other day the lack of great soaps — and thus, great soaps to parody in the brilliant vein of Tootsie and Soapdish — but Dallas is slinging the heat at night in a way Revenge could only hope to do. Because on Revenge nobody remembers what anyone’s motivations are, or who is blackmailing whom, and why, and what the HELL is even happening (ditto Pretty Little Liars). On Dallas, it’s super clear, and that’s why it works: Cliff Barnes hates the Ewings, no matter what, and lives to make OTHER people hate the Ewings; the Ewings hate Cliff and love winning; Sue Ellen loves alcohol and her son, and her affinity for one increases apace with her disillusionment with the other (just like with JR before him). And all the other allegiance-shifting that happens in between is pretty well plotted, so that you’re never confused, and you can’t be bored because Judith Light does coke and purrs things like, “When morality and money come at each other on a one-way road, morality gets run into the DITCH.” DAMN SKIPPY.
Olivia Pope is not the only person who’s gonna be getting some with a person who has “president” in his job title.
This episode resets the table somewhat — in a nicely REVENGE-y way, although not as lame as a Revenge-y one — so in lieu of proper screen grabs, I’m going to tell you what happens while we look at the new title cards for everyone: FINALLY they are using the split-screen technique from the Dallas of old. It’s divine. I wish they’d change it weekly, though, just to keep us amused. Next time.
I love it when I’m wrong: Teddy did INDEED watch Powers Boothe unplug and move on up to the great big outlet in the sky. This is going to make Thanksgiving so uncomfortable.
In which I get REALLY CAPSY about the twist at the end of episode 20, and Aria wears a bone dress.
Every week I tell myself I’m going to stop doing these, because I think most of Fug Nation quit watching this show because it’s insane, but then one person on Twitter will be like, “I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE UNDERSTANDS,” and then I’m re-motivated. Because I UNDERSTAND. So I might just finish out this season and then abandon ship.
[Screengrabs: Home of the Nutty; Kiss Them Goodbye]