Fug File: Fug The Cover

Fug or Fab the Cover: Katy Perry on Cosmo

Apparently, Katy Perry is on every cover of Cosmo this month, all over the world — Cosmo has a bunch of them here; it’s interesting to see which countries get a totally different look, and which have similar covers to the American one, so take a look if you’re into that. I would love to be in a cover meeting just to hear what goes into the decision-making process. I do remember talking to Kim France once, when she was at Lucky, and she told me that non-smiling covers just never sold. I wonder how ones where Katy Perry might be trying to hex you do:

Very sultry! At first I thought she was wearing a hotpants romper and I was all, “oh, KATY.” But now that I know it’s actually a VERY VERY short dress, for some reason, I think it’s rather cute? I don’t know: when you’ve seen a woman wear a bra that shoots firecrackers out of her nipples, you can’t really be shocked by a crotchtacular sequined number. I’m more weirded out by the fact that the holes near the neckline make her look like she has eyes where her armpits are, like she killed a very festive dragon and made it into a dress. That’s not actually a complaint. It’s commitment to a look, though.

How does it grab you?

[Cover: Cosmo/Matt Jones]


Well Played Photo Spread, Mostly: Angelina Jolie on and in Elle Magazine, June 2014

It’s a real pity she’s so terribly unphotogenic.

But seriously: I actually don’t think the cover itself is my favorite. I mean, it’s a comparative science — Angelina is never going to look like a hideous she-beast, not even when she’s in costume as a she-beast for Maleficent — but the brows-raised messy-haired pose doesn’t appeal to me as much as some of the other images in what was apparently a 16-page spread. For some reason it’s too much about the eyebrows for me.

I do, however, like that she recently gave an interview in which she said she doesn’t let herself moan and wail too much about juggling work and parenting because she realizes she has advantages that most people don’t. It feels squarely aimed at Gwynnie’s recent comments, and while I do think Rich People Are Allowed To Have Feelings Too, Gwyneth’s remarks were pretty out of touch — and in a world where most celebrities try so hard to be like, “No, I’m just like you,” it’s refreshing to hear Angelina be like, “Except, I’m not, I have mad cash to pay for things that most people can’t, and it’s disingenuous and in fact disrespectful to working mothers to pretend that’s not true.” In the PR wars, sometimes self-awareness trumps all.

Which cover do you/would you prefer?

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Recent Fugs and Fabs: Bella Thorne (Including Seventeen Cover)

She’s in Blended — which, not for nothing, is getting some great reviews, and by “great,” I mean reviewers do not like it at all and are really putting a lot of well-done oomph into explaining why; the New York Times review is a thing of brutal beauty — and she is really doing a lot of heavy lifting to promote it. I am generally neutral on the kid, but I have to give her props for putting on a happy face. And for some of these outfits. BUT NOT ALL.

[Photos: Getty, PacCoastNews]


Fug or Fab the Cover: Charlize Theron on Vogue, June 2014

…did Vogue seriously give Charlize a cover for A Million Ways to Die in the West?

I mean, I know they really gave her the cover because she’s Charlize Theron and she’s beautiful but between this and SNL there’s a PR professional out there who deserves an Edible Arrangement, is what I am saying (even if Charlize’s SNL was arguably the worst of this season) because a Seth MacFarlane Joint is not in the Vogue wheelhouse. ANYWAY. Let’s discuss. I rather like the dress, even if she looks like she’s being stitched up like a baseball, but something about her eye makeup rather makes her look as if she’s in the middle of an allergy attack. I guess tis the season. POLLEN IS SO HOT FOR SPRING.

What do you think?

[Photo: Vogue]


Fug the Cover: Shailene Woodley on InStyle, June 2014


Lots of pretty colors on this. But it makes her foot look ENORMOUS — also, y’all, PLEASE stop and think before you do somethint that looks like you digitally removed all traces of her left leg — and the whole pose looks like her direction was to act like she was thinking, “My stars, I have just twisted my ankle at this garden party and I must immediately alight on this patch of grass. But ATTRACTIVELY.”


Fug the Cover: Miley Cyrus on Elle, May 2014

Elle UK put her on the cover nearly a year ago, and I liked it better, mostly for what I will call Facial Awareness reasons. I’ve included those at the end so that you can compare, because I am a giver, and it IS Thursday, so we can call it a throwback.

[Photos: Elle]