Fug File: Fug The Cover

Recent Fugs and Fabs: Bella Thorne (Including Seventeen Cover)

She’s in Blended — which, not for nothing, is getting some great reviews, and by “great,” I mean reviewers do not like it at all and are really putting a lot of well-done oomph into explaining why; the New York Times review is a thing of brutal beauty — and she is really doing a lot of heavy lifting to promote it. I am generally neutral on the kid, but I have to give her props for putting on a happy face. And for some of these outfits. BUT NOT ALL.

[Photos: Getty, PacCoastNews]


Fug or Fab the Cover: Charlize Theron on Vogue, June 2014

…did Vogue seriously give Charlize a cover for A Million Ways to Die in the West?

I mean, I know they really gave her the cover because she’s Charlize Theron and she’s beautiful but between this and SNL there’s a PR professional out there who deserves an Edible Arrangement, is what I am saying (even if Charlize’s SNL was arguably the worst of this season) because a Seth MacFarlane Joint is not in the Vogue wheelhouse. ANYWAY. Let’s discuss. I rather like the dress, even if she looks like she’s being stitched up like a baseball, but something about her eye makeup rather makes her look as if she’s in the middle of an allergy attack. I guess tis the season. POLLEN IS SO HOT FOR SPRING.

What do you think?

[Photo: Vogue]


Fug the Cover: Shailene Woodley on InStyle, June 2014


Lots of pretty colors on this. But it makes her foot look ENORMOUS — also, y’all, PLEASE stop and think before you do somethint that looks like you digitally removed all traces of her left leg — and the whole pose looks like her direction was to act like she was thinking, “My stars, I have just twisted my ankle at this garden party and I must immediately alight on this patch of grass. But ATTRACTIVELY.”


Fug the Cover: Miley Cyrus on Elle, May 2014

Elle UK put her on the cover nearly a year ago, and I liked it better, mostly for what I will call Facial Awareness reasons. I’ve included those at the end so that you can compare, because I am a giver, and it IS Thursday, so we can call it a throwback.

[Photos: Elle]


Fug or Fab the Cover: Emma Stone in Vogue, May 2014

After the drama of Kimye, a breath of fresh, welcome air in the form of Emma Stone. Vogue, in fact, has a short film — very short, like 2 minutes — of her “preparing” for her newest role up on their website and it is just…she is the most charming person. She might be irresistible. Which is why I wish this cover, at least, was a little livelier? Her face looks fabulous — her brows are amazing — but I worry that the hat (and the weirdly crispy hair) is literally putting a lid on her essential lightness. On the other hand, her actual face looks fabulous. Just stick your hand over the hat and see. Right? Right.

Let’s take a real looksee, including at two shots from the inside shoot, and then come back and tell me what you think.

[Photos: Vogue]


Fug the “Cover”: Miley Cyrus on Seventeen

There has to be a secret story about this cover. Right?

Because that’s not a cover — it’s a “cover,” by which I mean, that’s just a photograph of Miley from a red-carpet event in February. Specifically, this one. And while her face and hair DO look perfectly nice here, it seems INCREDIBLY strange for Seventeen – supposedly one of the premier teen mags, and without even that much competition to worry about — to be slapping a Getty Images photo on its cover. Was it, in keeping with the “Freebie” theme, a money-savings? Is Seventeen too broke for a photo shoot? Is it lazy because it has no competition outside of Teen Vogue? Do we think Miley was scheduled to do one and then had to bail, for some mysterious reason? (This is the one I’m hoping for, because I like gossip.) Or is this happening all the time with Seventeen and I just didn’t notice because I am *cough, cough* a tiny wee bit out of its demographic? I mean, I could’ve dummied up this cover in ten minutes with Photoshop. This can’t bode well. Come on, Seventeen, pull it together. If the world can’t have Sassy or YM anymore, it needs you.