Fug File: Fug The Cover

Fug or Fab the Cover: Taylor Swift on British Vogue

I shouldn’t like this:


That hair is mullet-adjacent, and she’s wearing both a jacket and sweater-tank that fell right out of a time capsule from 1984 — and yet something about it is appealing to me. Maybe I just really miss Olivia Newton John. Maybe Taylor Swift is working on a secret reboot of the Physical album and this is a coded signal. Let me tell you, that music video is just crying out for a live VMAs reinactment — frankly, I can’t imagine why this hasn’t already happened. Someone find us some braided headbands and everybody, get to work!


Well Played Cover: Jessica Chastain on Harper’s Bazaar UK

I kind of wish she were smiling, but I get it. This is the Imposing But Beautiful Portrait of The Lady of the House Hanging Over The Fireplace In a Mansion:


And as such, it is dead on fantastic. You may remember a version of this dress from the time Sarah Paulson went to the Emmys, or that time Felicity Jones looked awesome, and the truth is that I like it best here, where it’s not supposed to be anything but over-the-top and mad crazy impressive expensive looking, and perfect for her to wander past, fifty years hence, drinking a cocktail and sharply informing her grandson’s terrible fiancee that she was once the most beautiful woman in New York and she remembers very well how to destroy her enemies, before sweeping off to smoke out on the terrace and think about her youth. Also: Polka dots.

(I just noticed that there’s a story in this issue by Princess Eugenie. I am interested to see if the byline on the actual article reads “Princess Eugenie” or Eugenie York. I totally understand why they’d refer to her using the former on the cover, but using “Princess Eugenie” as your byline might give me a case of the side-eyes.)


Fug or Fab the Cover: Reese Witherspoon on Vogue

Vogue wisely timed the release of this cover and photo shoot with the release of one of their 73 Questions videos with Reese. SYNERGY. I have popped it after the jump for you to watch, if you’re so inclined — her house is FANTASTIC, and conveniently currently for sale. My favorite part is the cameo by her Oscar, although I wish they hadn’t mentioned it at all. As for the cover: I’m not wholly convinced, but I LOVE the insides. I guess being beautiful on the inside is important.

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Fug the Cover: Kate Hudson on The Hollywood Reporter

Someone in Fug Nation brought this to our attention by noting that Armani and Hudson look like their own wax figures.

Kate Hudson and Giorgio Armani on The Hollywood Reporter

This is true of Armani. Kate Hudson looks more like her own demon waxwork that failed quality control, and now lives in a vault someplace with nothing to do but fantasize about revenge arson and snack on spirit gum. It has been possessed by the spirit of the person who taught Jennifer Morrison about topknots, and had one really rough day last week when the 110-degree heat blew a fuse at Public Storage and the a/c went out, and damn, now she has to save up for a faceoplasty.


Well Played Cover: Lorde on Elle Magazine, October 2014

Contrast this beauty to that Ariana Grande nightmare from Marie Claire. There is something amazingly throwback about this — the cloud of hair, the brow, the minimalist makeup, the devastatingly pouty expression. It’s perfectly retro without being musty or dated. Really breathtaking.

[Photos: Elle]


Fug the Cover: Ariana Grande on Marie Claire, October 2014

The good news is, Marie Claire found a way for Ariana Grande not to look exactly the same as she always does.

Ariana Grande on Marie Claire, October 2014

The bad news is, it’s only because they made her look like an cockeyed Ariana Grande impersonator — still blank, just off — who does children’s birthday parties and, weirdly, a couple bachelor ‘dos.

This photo on the inside is much better: