Fug File: Fug or Fab

Fug or Fab: Jessica Alba


Well, I don’t dislike the shoes, which is good because her footwear taste and I were in a bit of a fight.

Jessica Alba at Sin City 2 premiere

And she certainly looks pretty, and has on a bracelet. Two nice check marks. But why can’t I muster up any feelings about this? I think it’s because she’s at a premiere of a movie where her character wears chaps. A safe satin cocktail dress — with some flaps and maybe a little too much length — does not feel remotely interesting enough, like she walked up to the line of scrimmage on third-and-eight and ran a play designed to pick up seven: Sure, it’s forward motion, but you still have to give the ball to someone else.

Do you like it?

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[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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Fug or Fab: Laura Ramsey


Laura has done many things since playing Olivia in She’s The Man, but I think we can all agree that it doesn’t matter what they are, because it will never get any better. And that is no joke.

Laura Ramsey at Are You Here premiere

But can this outfit get better? If you said, “NAB,” then you win a thousand dollars (note: offer void everywhere). If you said, “Possibly if it didn’t have that parrot with the massive stuck-together beak trying to tell at me, unless that’s a fish with weird teeth, or something, although that’s not much better, but really, WHATEVER it is, it either wants to snack on my spleen or the essence of my happy place,” then you probably also are correct.

Can this outfit get better?

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Creative Arts Emmys Fug or Fab: Heidi Klum in Project Runway’s Sean Kelly


And JUST like a car wash, she also comes with the option of a wax job.

At the Klum Wash! At the Klum Wash...

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[Photos: Getty, Fame/Flynet]

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Fug or Fab: Heidi Klum in Roberto Cavalli


It’s not that I don’t love a nice suit on a lady.

I’m just not sure I think this is a nice suit. It’s all shiny checkerboard patterns with swirls and flowers and at least one rendering of something that’s either a goblet or a very small birdbath. And there’s a thread hanging off the pants, which look really messy and creased… I appreciate Heidi’s efforts not to go Full Klum on us, but there has to be a better way.

Is she in or AUF?

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[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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Fug or Fab: Katie Holmes in Zac Posen


The new tradition around these parts is to first admire Miss Holmes’s face, I think:

From this angle, this entire thing is very balletic — remember when Katie Holmes was pretending she was A Great Dancer? Not that she’s a abjectly BAD dancer, but from what I can recall, she was basically like That Girl In Your High School Who Dances Competently But She Basically Landed That Part In The Musical Thanks To Charm So Don’t Worry About Saving Her A Spot, ABT. (That link goes to a YouTube video of her “Get Happy” performance on So You Think You Can Dance and I think she suffered from comparison with actual dancer dancers; that said, it’s a GREAT reminder of how good that bob haircut was on her). Apparently, the memo for The Giver premiere-goers was, “wear pink!”

Let’s see the whole thing:

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Fug or Fab: Taylor Swift in Monique Lhuillier


I’ve always been partial to dresses that look like the winning option in a Project Runway Valentine’s Day challenge. Which I realize sounds like a backhanded compliment — that this is a WINNER, but also from an untried designer who will have to make hotpants out of laser printer paper the next week — but I swear I mean it so much more nicely than that.

Is this a winner?

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