In honor of Bag’s heroic efforts, I decided to share some of the Weird Photoshop Effects I almost used on the photo to spice up that matchup, before I decided that was unfair. So behold: Alternate Bags. Thank you for coming, old hideous awful frenemy.
And now the results:
(1) MILEY CYRUS vs. (8) JENNIFER MORRISON – Monday, March 24
It’s Miley’s world, and we’re just living in it: She got 97 percent of the vote in an overwhelming victory against challenger Meagan Good and her bad, bad overalls; this pits her against Jennifer Morrison, who had nearly as easy a time of it against Naomi Watts. She earned 85 percent of the vote.
(12) OLIVIA MUNN vs. (13) KRISTEN STEWART – Monday, March 24
Olivia toppled Eva Longoria’s parade of sheers with a 53 percent edge; she faces a surprisingly strong charge from Kristen Stewart, whose 57 percent of the vote kicked Kat Graham’s wackily clad behind out in the first round.
(11) NICOLE SCHERZINGER vs. (14) MADONNA – Tuesday, March 25
Madge’s grill of doom chewed up GOOP and spit her out, to the tune of 70 percent of the vote; the Scherz was barely even grazed by Julia Roberts, who scored only 18 percent of the vote despite that double-vagina’d jumpsuit.
(10) SARAH PAULSON vs. (15) JANUARY JONES – Tuesday, March 25
I don’t know how or why she did it, but January Jones beat Jennifer Lawrence and her Godawful Year In Dior – including the SKIRT PANTS – with a 55 percent majority. She’ll take on fuggernaut Sarah Paulson, who took 55 percent of the vote over Demi Lovato.