Fug File: Fug Madness

Fug Madness 2015, Round One: Charo Bracket, Part Two



As a refresher: The photos and links in each matchup post are NOT the only outfits eligible; rather, they’re a representative sample of the body of work. Polls close after 24 hours, so if you like to research your choices — on our site, Getty Images, Google, whatever — have at it and just make sure you vote before the game ends. If you need a primer on how all this works, peruse the FAQ; if you forgot your bracket, click here. And, most importantly, have fun!

Jump to: 3. LINDSAY LOHAN vs. 14. LORELEI LINKLATER · 6. CHRISSY TEIGEN vs. 11. KATIE HOLMES · 7. CIARA vs. 10. JENNIFER ANISTON
 

2. KAT GRAHAM vs. 15. NOOMI RAPACE

I want to go to drinks with these two. I’m not sure if they would get along, but it would FOR SURE be interesting. They both certainly have a powerful and intriguing aesthetic.

This, for example, is bold and also perfect if later you’re going to break into some kind of choreographed dance:

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This is great if you…have a need to…have…I don’t even know:

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Because I just spent twenty minutes staring at it, trying to figure out what the point even is of any of it. Those aren’t garters. They’re….thigh…chokers? I don’t know. I can’t. I’m old.

This is, at least, straightforward. It is a rubber (?) bra with drop-crotch pants and an actually very cute jacket:

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Kat Graham is also one of those people where I feel like I consistently point out that her FACE almost always looks glorious. The wonderfulness of her head nearly carries off the horribleness of her wardrobe, more often than not.  This, for example, is AWFUL:

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Fug Madness 2015, Round One: Bjork Bracket, Part 2


Jump to: No. 8 Nicole Richie vs. No. 9 Diane Kruger · No. 5 Rosario Dawson vs. No. 12 Anne Hathaway · No. 1 Lady Gaga vs. No. 16 Amal Alamuddin
 

4. KATE HUDSON vs. 13. ASHLEY BENSON

I sort of wish Ash Benzo here was going up against a Kardashian, because at Fashion Week she went full Kim:

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I mean, I watch Pretty Little Liars, being as I’m totally outside their target demo and in total denial about it. And my reaction to that photo was, “WHERE DID THOSE COME FROM?” Not because I think they’re fake j– I actually think they’re pretty clearly not — but because it’s not like we haven’t seen plenty of her before and WHERE were they?

Strapped down, here, I guess:

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It’s as well. Maybe they sent her a telegraph asking that her to obstruct their view of this HIDEOUS shorts-suit.

I suppose you can SORT OF tell she’s got some robust cleav if you look hard enough at her bra here:

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But frankly, I feel creepy about that. Even though she clearly is FINE with people staring at her bra, given that she wore a nearly identical motif another time:

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NEARLY identical, but not. Why anyone needs to own this type of thing ONCE, much less twice, is a mystery that only Butlerdayton Kansasduke can solve. (Sorry, I had to at least TRY to do a March Madness version of his name.)

Ashley does have kind of a young Kate Hudson look to her, so her opponent here is very apt. And Kate is about as shy as Ashley — which is to say, not at all:

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Fug Madness 2015, Round One: Cher Bracket, Part Two


As a refresher: The photos and links in each matchup post are NOT the only outfits eligible; rather, they’re a representative sample of the body of work. Polls close after 24 hours, so if you like to research your choices — on our site, Getty Images, Google, whatever — have at it and just make sure you vote before the game ends. If you need a primer on how all this works, peruse the FAQ; if you forgot your bracket, click here. And, most importantly, have fun!

Jump to: 3. MARION COTILLARD vs. 14. KEKE PALMER · 6. SOLANGE vs. 11. JESSICA CHASTAIN · 7. ROSAMUND PIKE vs. 10. NATASHA BEDINGFIELD
 

2. JENNIFER LOPEZ vs. 15. SARAH JESSICA PARKER

Hola, lovers!

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I think you’ll be DELIGHTED by the depth and breadth of J Lo’s contribution to Fug Madness this year. She BROUGHT IT. There’s the above bra/bib mash-up. There’s the below boob-slings. There are these aggressively-waisted (and perhaps wasted) pants; and whatever in the name of GOD is happening in this moment.

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The Lopez did not shy from jumpsuits!

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Fug Madness 2015, Round One: Madonna Bracket, Part One


As a refresher: Half of each of the four brackets plays today, and the rest of Round one tips off tomorrow (Friday), so to speak. The photos and links in each matchup post are NOT the only outfits eligible; rather, they’re a representative sample of the body of work. Polls close after 24 hours, so if you like to research your choices — on our site, Getty Images, Google, whatever — have at it and just make sure you vote before the game ends. If you need a primer on how all this works, peruse the FAQ; if you forgot your bracket, click here. And, most importantly, have fun!

 

Jump to: No. 3 Jessie J vs No. 14 Willa Holland · No. 6 Heidi Klum vs. No. 11 Keira Knightley · No. 7 Kendall Jenner vs. No. 10 Gwen Stefani
 

2. CHLOE GRACE MORETZ vs. 15. LI BINGBING

Sometimes, once we get to writing these, I groan to myself, “Oh, we seeded that person in totally the wrong spot.” Case in point: Li Bingbing, who would have missed this altogether were it not for her Transformers press tour wardrobe. But WHAT A WARDROBE IT WAS:

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It’s A ROMPER AND SHEER PANTS. No, not even pants. LEG BAGS.

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And of course this terrifying window, above which a wintry orgy is happening on her pelvis.

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And for good measure, she dressed up as Big Bird’s most dangerous temptress. She also wore this incredibly ugly Giambattista Valli, in a rare departure from sheers, although there is a tiny sternum keyhole. So, while she didn’t hit a ton of visible (to us) promotional circuits, she picked outfits for maximum shriek-inducement for the premieres we did see.

Don’t hand her the win just yet, though. On the other side of the battle: Chloe Grace Moretz, who was ALL OVER TOWN this past year, and did it in a variety of outfits that were creatively hideous. It’s really easy to look awful in all of the above, and it’s equally easy to FIND that stuff because it’s ALL OVER THE PLACE on every runway. But I don’t know how Chloe even thought to LOOK for this shiny nightmare:

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Fug Madness 2015, Round One: Charo Bracket, Part One


As a refresher: Half of each of the four brackets plays today, and the rest of Round one tips off tomorrow (Friday), so to speak. The photos and links in each matchup post are NOT the only outfits eligible; rather, they’re a representative sample of the body of work. Polls close after 24 hours, so if you like to research your choices — on our site, Getty Images, Google, whatever — have at it and just make sure you vote before the game ends. If you need a primer on how all this works, peruse the FAQ; if you forgot your bracket, click here. And, most importantly, have fun!

 

Jump to: No. 4 Iggy Azalea vs No. 13 Malin Akerman · No. 5 Ellie Goulding vs. No. 12 Irina Shayk · No. 8 Christina Hendricks vs. No. 9 Kerry Washington
 

1. RITA ORA vs. 16. JOHNNY DEPP

Like Kim Kardashian, her fellow one-seed, Rita’s archives are a VERITABLE TREASURE TROVE of delights. I mean, for every amazing look like this one, there are seven totally cracked out get-ups like this one. Or this! This is lunacy! What even IS that? On the topic of, “what even IS that?” I present this fiasco. I also would like to point out that it is in this exact entry where we note that Rita might be Kim’s biggest competition this year, which I think is accurate. And to that point, she even wore something that Kim ALSO wore, in the form of THIS:

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That’s one hell of a Who Wore It Best. Frankly, I’d like to see Kim up the ante and wear this on her next outing:

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Can you imagine? Kim Kardashian shuffling down the street in shower shoes? I worry this might cause irreparable harm to Kanye’s frontal lobe.

Rita’s Walking Around Wear is actually generally entertaining, and by “entertaining,” I obviously mean “crazy.” High-heeled gladiator sandals and one of Maude’s old tunic vests are NOT a pairing I would have ever anticipated:

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Fug Madness 2015, Round One: Bjork Bracket, Part One


As a refresher: Half of each of the four brackets plays today, and the rest of Round one tips off tomorrow (Friday), so to speak. The photos and links in each matchup post are NOT the only outfits eligible; rather, they’re a representative sample of the body of work. Polls close after 24 hours, so if you like to research your choices — on our site, Getty Images, Google, whatever — have at it and just make sure you vote before the game ends. If you need a primer on how all this works, peruse the FAQ; if you forgot your bracket, click here. And, most importantly, have fun!

Jump to: No. 2 Miley Cyrus vs No. 15 Jared Leto · No. 3 Charli XCX vs. No. 14 Selena Gomez · No. 7 Katy Perry vs. No. 10 Julianne Moore
 

6. ZENDAYA vs. 11. MELISSA GEORGE

If you’d wanted to start slow, well… not happening. Or hattening, as the case may be:

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One of my favorite parts of Fug Madness is rediscovering all the stuff that got bleached out of my brain during the course of the year, and this was tops among them. The noise I made was something approaching a shriek. I half expect her to raise a trap door on that thing and reveal Rick Moranis’s face in there.

So, that’s one extreme of Zendaya. Here the other:

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Given that she wore this to the AMAs, the disco-ness of it is at least somewhat on theme, and she’s carrying it off with as much panache as any teenager could. Having said that: It’s still gold-dipped BANANAS.

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I am so glad that Zendaya appears to have put away the bandeau tops in 2015. Her interest in experimenting is great, and laudable, and she has enough personal charisma to sell almost anything. But boob spandex is one road she doesn’t need to traverse, and hopefully she won’t again.

I guess “at least her chest is covered” is the one piece of connective tissue between her and Melissa George.

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