Fug File: Fug Madness

Fug Madness 2015, Round Two: Bjork Bracket, Part One


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No. 3 CHARLI XCX vs. No. 11 MELISSA GEORGE

In putting this post together, I discovered that I might be in love with Charli XCX. I giggle EVERY TIME I see a photo of her:

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Here, it’s kind of because those shoes are just funny. But it’s also because her face always says “BORED NOW” while her outfit always says, “WELCOME TO THIS PARTY!” Sometimes the party is a rave:

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Sometimes it’s a weird Star Wars convention:

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Fug Madness 2015, Round Two: Cher Bracket, Part 1


Jump to: No. 5 Bella Thorne vs. No. 13 Kate Walsh
 

No. 1 KIM KARDASHIAN vs. No. 9 JENA MALONE 

Jena pushed Mockingjay Part 1 pretty hard this year, but I saw it last night, and she may not even have a LINE (they did shoot them both at the same time, though).  Imagine what she might do to promote the big final movie, in which she presumably SPEAKS.

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I hated this, I’ll be honest. It seems stiff and unflattering, I don’t love the bodice, and she wore vanilla satin platforms, which you can see because the skirt created all kinds of crotch-wrangling issues. I don’t know. It’s not a Fug Madness Starmaker, but it still leaves me reaching for a sweater.

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The Clothes Talk Back: Actress Jena Malone’s Dress Opens Its Mouth.

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There is so much going on here that I actually feel like her dress COULD be getting eaten before our very eyes. That, or it was originally just mesh and then she hung a bunch of fishing lures on it at the last second.

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And, no. Just no.

But let’s also be real: This is just a preamble. It all happened, none of it was ideal, but her campaign is being waged chiefly on the back of this atrocity:

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Fug Madness 2015: Round One Results


Round Two begins right away on Monday, and here are the match-ups that you YES YOU FUG NATION have created with your votes. Also, this year was the first time I filled out a bracket just to see if I could predict where this would go, so let’s see how I did.

 

 

No. 1 KIM KARDASHIAN vs. No. 9 JENA MALONE (Monday)

Lena Dunham got 7 percent of the vote. Which is about 6 percent more than I expected. Jena’s win means the Kim vs. Beyonce deathmatch we’ve all been waiting for won’t happen, but it also means Kim gets That Panties Dress as an opponent.

My bracket: Called ‘em both. The Beygency is real, y’all.

No. 5 BELLA THORNE vs. No. 13 KATE WALSH (Monday)

She’s already dispensed with one teen in Willow Shields. Can Kate Walsh take it to another one?

My bracket: WRONG. I had McPhee upsetting Bella, but that might’ve been wishful thinking at work, because I’m writing Bella’s next matchup and I have a lot more Thoughts about Katharine. As for the other, I actually came close to missing it and putting Willow through, but I changed my mind at the last second because Kate Walsh was one of my dark horse contenders.

No. 2 JENNIFER LOPEZ vs. No. 10 NATASHA BEDINGFIELD (Tuesday)

Natasha kept it close with Rosamund Pike, who came in at a high No. 7 seed in her first season as a Fug Madness participant, but she couldn’t hang with the perennial nutjob and so Natasha scrapes through with 56 percent of the vote.

My bracket: Got ‘em. I didn’t have a lot of faith in Rosamund.

No. 6 SOLANGE vs. No. 14 KEKE PALMER (Tuesday)

Keke knocked out Marion Cotillard by snagging 57 percent of the vote.

My bracket: NAILED IT. Marion certainly could’ve gone far, but she drew a particularly plucky 14 seed. She’s the 2015 Iowa State Cyclones of it all.

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Fug Madness 2015, Round One: Madonna Bracket, Part 2


Jump to: No. 1 Rihanna vs. No. 16 Jordin Sparks · No. 4 Rose McGowan vs. No. 13 Sophia Bush · No. 5 Gwyneth Paltrow vs. No. 12 Julianne Hough
 

8. CARA DELEVINGNE vs. 9. KRISTEN STEWART

These two could not have known that their destinies lay in a pants-off, but what a treat for us that it’s happening now. Your sub-debate here is, in fact, which single pair is empirically just WORSE. My answer might actually be Kristen’s:

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They are: high-waisted, possibly made of a combination of Styrofoam and that stretchy one-ply material they use to make hospital granny-panties for new mothers, FLARE AT THE THIGH, and then cuff at the ankle. Nobody in the world would accept three wishes from this genie. She is untrustworthy.

Cara’s, on the other hand, are full Cracked-Out Circus Performer:

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Fug Madness 2015, Round One: Charo Bracket, Part Two



As a refresher: The photos and links in each matchup post are NOT the only outfits eligible; rather, they’re a representative sample of the body of work. Polls close after 24 hours, so if you like to research your choices — on our site, Getty Images, Google, whatever — have at it and just make sure you vote before the game ends. If you need a primer on how all this works, peruse the FAQ; if you forgot your bracket, click here. And, most importantly, have fun!

Jump to: 3. LINDSAY LOHAN vs. 14. LORELEI LINKLATER · 6. CHRISSY TEIGEN vs. 11. KATIE HOLMES · 7. CIARA vs. 10. JENNIFER ANISTON
 

2. KAT GRAHAM vs. 15. NOOMI RAPACE

I want to go to drinks with these two. I’m not sure if they would get along, but it would FOR SURE be interesting. They both certainly have a powerful and intriguing aesthetic.

This, for example, is bold and also perfect if later you’re going to break into some kind of choreographed dance:

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This is great if you…have a need to…have…I don’t even know:

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Because I just spent twenty minutes staring at it, trying to figure out what the point even is of any of it. Those aren’t garters. They’re….thigh…chokers? I don’t know. I can’t. I’m old.

This is, at least, straightforward. It is a rubber (?) bra with drop-crotch pants and an actually very cute jacket:

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Kat Graham is also one of those people where I feel like I consistently point out that her FACE almost always looks glorious. The wonderfulness of her head nearly carries off the horribleness of her wardrobe, more often than not.  This, for example, is AWFUL:

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Fug Madness 2015, Round One: Bjork Bracket, Part 2


Jump to: No. 8 Nicole Richie vs. No. 9 Diane Kruger · No. 5 Rosario Dawson vs. No. 12 Anne Hathaway · No. 1 Lady Gaga vs. No. 16 Amal Alamuddin
 

4. KATE HUDSON vs. 13. ASHLEY BENSON

I sort of wish Ash Benzo here was going up against a Kardashian, because at Fashion Week she went full Kim:

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I mean, I watch Pretty Little Liars, being as I’m totally outside their target demo and in total denial about it. And my reaction to that photo was, “WHERE DID THOSE COME FROM?” Not because I think they’re fake j– I actually think they’re pretty clearly not — but because it’s not like we haven’t seen plenty of her before and WHERE were they?

Strapped down, here, I guess:

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It’s as well. Maybe they sent her a telegraph asking that her to obstruct their view of this HIDEOUS shorts-suit.

I suppose you can SORT OF tell she’s got some robust cleav if you look hard enough at her bra here:

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But frankly, I feel creepy about that. Even though she clearly is FINE with people staring at her bra, given that she wore a nearly identical motif another time:

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NEARLY identical, but not. Why anyone needs to own this type of thing ONCE, much less twice, is a mystery that only Butlerdayton Kansasduke can solve. (Sorry, I had to at least TRY to do a March Madness version of his name.)

Ashley does have kind of a young Kate Hudson look to her, so her opponent here is very apt. And Kate is about as shy as Ashley — which is to say, not at all:

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