Fug File: Fug Madness

Fug Madness 2015, Round Two: Cher Bracket, Part 2


Jump to: No. 6 Solange vs. No. 14 Keke Palmer
 

No. 2 JENNIFER LOPEZ vs. No. 10 NATASHA BEDINGFIELD

I don’t get to talk about Jennifer Lopez that much as myself, because I’m usually writing AS her. So I will take this time to note that I find her deeply, deeply hilarious, and I had grabbed these photos ages ago and then forgotten to do anything with them. So let’s just behold the faces she makes when she’s en route to Idol from her trailer. Whether she is dressed as a Versace sneaker…

Jennifer Lopez Arriving For Tonights 'American Idol' Show

… or a tube of lipstick that you’ve used really unevenly to the point where it’s almost sharp…

Jennifer Lopez Arriving For Tonights 'American Idol' Show

… or as a super fancy, psychedelic Pac Man level:

Judges Arriving For Tonight's 'American Idol' Show

That expression really tickles me. She’s probably just checking that there’s nothing in her teeth, but something about it tickles me silly. I love you, J.Lo, fug and all. Never change.

And as for that fug, let’s get into it. We’ve seen that she wore a dress with one pant leg. We’ve seen that she wore identically themed gowns made of criss-crossing straps — one to the VMAs, and one to the AMAs (with an honorable mention for this white one that’s halfway there). But let’s not forget what happens when she allows Tom Ford to have at her:

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Fug Madness 2015, Round Two: Madonna Bracket, Part One


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No. 2 CHLOE GRACE MORETZ  vs. No. 7 KENDALL JENNER

The battle of the youngsters, or, Outfits They’re Going to Look Back At Eventually And Say, “Ugh, What Was I Thinking?!”

Exhibits A-Z:

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OH KENDALL. Sometimes I look at what she wears and wonder if, like, Kris is just screwing with her and never actually expects her to leave the house in her suggestions. Like, THIS was a mistake:

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It’s just horrifying. I cannot know that much about anyone’s waxing habits beyond my own, thanks.

And this feels like something Kim rejected:

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Fug Madness 2015, Round Two: Charo Bracket, Part 1


Jump to: No. 4 Iggy Azalea vs. No. 12 Irina Shayk
 

No. 1 RITA ORA vs. No. 8 CHRISTINA HENDRICKS 

Christina’s entire run revolves around this:

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It turned her into a wrapped gift to Fug Madness fans. Even her hair seems to have conceded the point and given up on her.

But let’s not discount the impact of the yellow satin turban:

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Fug Madness 2015, Round Two: Bjork Bracket, Part One


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No. 3 CHARLI XCX vs. No. 11 MELISSA GEORGE

In putting this post together, I discovered that I might be in love with Charli XCX. I giggle EVERY TIME I see a photo of her:

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Here, it’s kind of because those shoes are just funny. But it’s also because her face always says “BORED NOW” while her outfit always says, “WELCOME TO THIS PARTY!” Sometimes the party is a rave:

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Sometimes it’s a weird Star Wars convention:

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Fug Madness 2015, Round Two: Cher Bracket, Part 1


Jump to: No. 5 Bella Thorne vs. No. 13 Kate Walsh
 

No. 1 KIM KARDASHIAN vs. No. 9 JENA MALONE 

Jena pushed Mockingjay Part 1 pretty hard this year, but I saw it last night, and she may not even have a LINE (they did shoot them both at the same time, though).  Imagine what she might do to promote the big final movie, in which she presumably SPEAKS.

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I hated this, I’ll be honest. It seems stiff and unflattering, I don’t love the bodice, and she wore vanilla satin platforms, which you can see because the skirt created all kinds of crotch-wrangling issues. I don’t know. It’s not a Fug Madness Starmaker, but it still leaves me reaching for a sweater.

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The Clothes Talk Back: Actress Jena Malone’s Dress Opens Its Mouth.

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There is so much going on here that I actually feel like her dress COULD be getting eaten before our very eyes. That, or it was originally just mesh and then she hung a bunch of fishing lures on it at the last second.

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And, no. Just no.

But let’s also be real: This is just a preamble. It all happened, none of it was ideal, but her campaign is being waged chiefly on the back of this atrocity:

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Fug Madness 2015: Round One Results


Round Two begins right away on Monday, and here are the match-ups that you YES YOU FUG NATION have created with your votes. Also, this year was the first time I filled out a bracket just to see if I could predict where this would go, so let’s see how I did.

 

 

No. 1 KIM KARDASHIAN vs. No. 9 JENA MALONE (Monday)

Lena Dunham got 7 percent of the vote. Which is about 6 percent more than I expected. Jena’s win means the Kim vs. Beyonce deathmatch we’ve all been waiting for won’t happen, but it also means Kim gets That Panties Dress as an opponent.

My bracket: Called ‘em both. The Beygency is real, y’all.

No. 5 BELLA THORNE vs. No. 13 KATE WALSH (Monday)

She’s already dispensed with one teen in Willow Shields. Can Kate Walsh take it to another one?

My bracket: WRONG. I had McPhee upsetting Bella, but that might’ve been wishful thinking at work, because I’m writing Bella’s next matchup and I have a lot more Thoughts about Katharine. As for the other, I actually came close to missing it and putting Willow through, but I changed my mind at the last second because Kate Walsh was one of my dark horse contenders.

No. 2 JENNIFER LOPEZ vs. No. 10 NATASHA BEDINGFIELD (Tuesday)

Natasha kept it close with Rosamund Pike, who came in at a high No. 7 seed in her first season as a Fug Madness participant, but she couldn’t hang with the perennial nutjob and so Natasha scrapes through with 56 percent of the vote.

My bracket: Got ‘em. I didn’t have a lot of faith in Rosamund.

No. 6 SOLANGE vs. No. 14 KEKE PALMER (Tuesday)

Keke knocked out Marion Cotillard by snagging 57 percent of the vote.

My bracket: NAILED IT. Marion certainly could’ve gone far, but she drew a particularly plucky 14 seed. She’s the 2015 Iowa State Cyclones of it all.

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