Fug File: Fug Madness

Fug Madness 2016, Sweet Sixteen: Kanye vs. Klum


If Heidi can’t take down Kanye, who can?

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Fug Madness 2016, Sweet Sixteen: Rita Ora vs. Kourtney Kardashian

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Rita once dated Rob Kardashian. Kourtney is, at least in a technical and biological sense if not perhaps much of a visible or emotional one, Rob’s sister. So this is ALMOST all-in-the-family. One will float off into the sunset, and one will survive to fire her fashion cannons another day.

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Fug Madness 2016: Where We Are & What’s Coming

Two rounds of Fug Madness matchups are in the books, and we’re down to our final sixteen. So far, Rooney Mara (1), Lady Gaga (2), Diane Kruger (3) and Rihanna (4) are the biggest dominoes to fall. None of them made it to the Sweet 16 despite their high seedings; the likes of Emily Ratajkowski, Kanye West, Chloe Sevigny, and most surprisingly Serayah were enough to kick them all to the curb.


Click to view and/or print the bracket as it stands, with the Sweet 16 playing out today and tomorrow, and then the Elite Eight doing battle on Monday and Tuesday of next week. We have three KardJenners left in the group. Four, if you kount Kanye. Which feels right. Listen, we can’t pretend they ALL don’t exist, or else it would be a Fug Madness of LIES. And if Kim and Kylie can get by this week’s opponents, they’ll face off in the Elite Eight. So the herd is thinning. Trust.


Fug Madness 2016, Round Two: Madonna Bracket, Part Two

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This bracket had another 50-50 tie, percentage-wise, with a vote-count margin almost identical to that of Mara vs. Bosworth. By a mere 47 votes, Beyonce squeezed past Rose McGowan’s mesh pants, for the right to take on decisive victor Chloe Grace Moretz (bye bye, J. Moore). Nobody REALLY thought Swifty could take out J.Lo… and indeed, she did not. La Lopez’s easy victory sets the table for her to feast on another musician: Ellie Goulding, who beat back Swift rival Katy Perry, 55 percent to 45 percent.

Portmanteaux: Chloyonce, Jellie

Put a ring on it


Fug Madness 2016, Round Two: Charo Bracket, Part Two


In which January Jones takes on Kylie Jenner — surely the first and last time these two will be pitted head-to-head in anything? — and Gwen Stefani (who somehow knocked off Zendaya!) gets Charli XCX. Who probably wishes she were Gwen Stefani.

Let’s Not Waste Any More Time


Fug Madness 2016, Round Two: Bjork Bracket, Part Two


Well. The Battle of the Kates ended at 50-50, percentage wise, though one of them did have an edge of 45 votes. And so it is that Kate Mara moves one step closer to a face-off against her sister. Standing in her way: A hella-mighty Jaime King, who made quick and easy work of Elizabeth Olsen. Malin Akerman continues to lurk about the fringes of Fug Madness, once again departing early, this time at the hands of Rooney Mara’s 76 percent of the vote. She gets Emily Ratajkowski, who edged out this year’s unusually disheveled Amber Valletta with a two-thirds majority.

My portmanteaux: Roonily and Jaimara.

fire it up