Fug File: Fug Madness

Fug Madness 2016: Where We Are & What’s Coming


Two rounds of Fug Madness matchups are in the books, and we’re down to our final sixteen. So far, Rooney Mara (1), Lady Gaga (2), Diane Kruger (3) and Rihanna (4) are the biggest dominoes to fall. None of them made it to the Sweet 16 despite their high seedings; the likes of Emily Ratajkowski, Kanye West, Chloe Sevigny, and most surprisingly Serayah were enough to kick them all to the curb.

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Click to view and/or print the bracket as it stands, with the Sweet 16 playing out today and tomorrow, and then the Elite Eight doing battle on Monday and Tuesday of next week. We have three KardJenners left in the group. Four, if you kount Kanye. Which feels right. Listen, we can’t pretend they ALL don’t exist, or else it would be a Fug Madness of LIES. And if Kim and Kylie can get by this week’s opponents, they’ll face off in the Elite Eight. So the herd is thinning. Trust.

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Fug Madness 2016, Round Two: Madonna Bracket, Part Two


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This bracket had another 50-50 tie, percentage-wise, with a vote-count margin almost identical to that of Mara vs. Bosworth. By a mere 47 votes, Beyonce squeezed past Rose McGowan’s mesh pants, for the right to take on decisive victor Chloe Grace Moretz (bye bye, J. Moore). Nobody REALLY thought Swifty could take out J.Lo… and indeed, she did not. La Lopez’s easy victory sets the table for her to feast on another musician: Ellie Goulding, who beat back Swift rival Katy Perry, 55 percent to 45 percent.

Portmanteaux: Chloyonce, Jellie

Put a ring on it

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Fug Madness 2016, Round Two: Charo Bracket, Part Two


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In which January Jones takes on Kylie Jenner — surely the first and last time these two will be pitted head-to-head in anything? — and Gwen Stefani (who somehow knocked off Zendaya!) gets Charli XCX. Who probably wishes she were Gwen Stefani.

Let’s Not Waste Any More Time

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Fug Madness 2016, Round Two: Bjork Bracket, Part Two


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Well. The Battle of the Kates ended at 50-50, percentage wise, though one of them did have an edge of 45 votes. And so it is that Kate Mara moves one step closer to a face-off against her sister. Standing in her way: A hella-mighty Jaime King, who made quick and easy work of Elizabeth Olsen. Malin Akerman continues to lurk about the fringes of Fug Madness, once again departing early, this time at the hands of Rooney Mara’s 76 percent of the vote. She gets Emily Ratajkowski, who edged out this year’s unusually disheveled Amber Valletta with a two-thirds majority.

My portmanteaux: Roonily and Jaimara.

fire it up

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Fug Madness 2016, Round Two: Cher Bracket, Part Two


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Last week, Miley EASILY dispatched Gywneth Paltrow — whose recent Jumpsuit From Hades wasn’t eligible this year – to meet up with Nightgown Enthusiast Jennifer Morrison, who took 57% of the vote over Keke Palmer (you’ll be back, Keke!). Miranda Kerr just BARELY squeezed past Selena Gomez, advancing thanks to fewer than 100 votes. She’ll be meeting Kate Hudson, who dispatched Taylor Schilling, but not as smoothly as you might have thought. Could Kate be about to go down?

That’s up to you.

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Fug Madness 2016, Round Two: Madonna Bracket, Part 1


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Kate Capshaw may have been Lady Gaga’s stiffest competition ever in an early round, but Gaga still managed 58 percent of the vote. Serayah had no such challenge against Nicole Kidman, snagging 86 percent of the vote there — a margin nearly identical to that which Hailee Steinfeld earned against Sienna Miller. Amy Schumer did marginally better against Cate Blanchett, but still lost to the lady. Will Cate make it one round further, or will she sink to the starlet? Can Serayah take out Gaga? FIND OUT NEXT.

The portmanteaux here: Seragah and Haite.

insert theme song here

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Fug Madness 2016, Round Two: Charo Bracket, Part One


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Is Kim Kardashian on her way to the first ever Fug Madness repeat? She EASILY mowed down Bella Hadid in the first round with 95% of the vote (a shout-out to that brave 5%, though. I love you guys for holding strong), but she’s got to get through Irina Shayk today. For her part, Irina BARELY squeaked past Solange, with 55% of the vote, and may be tired from that battle. You know, figuratively. In our other game, two Fug Madness GIANTS go head to head, in the form of Chloe Sevigny vs Rihanna. Chloe bested Julianne Hough with 70% of that game’s votes, and Rihanna, as ever, made victory look easy against Chrissy Teigen. Again we battle!

To arms!

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