Fug File: Freaky Fug Friday

Freaky Fug Friday: Results

This week’s entries were EXTREMELY funny, making choosing the winners of Amy Spalding’s new book, Ink Is Thicker Than Water, pretty dang hard. I recommend you take a look at them, if you didn’t read them the first time. And with no further ado:

THE TASK: Doesn’t Noomi Rapace here look like the world’s most glamorous witch? Please invent the title of  the autobiography that this woman would write.


Love It or Lisbeth: How I Ditched the Dragon Tattoo and Found My Coven

You Hardly Noomi: My Transformation into Read-a Aura, Drag Queen Witch of the Lanai

Endora’s Game

Joanne Mitchell
Get A Roomi: How Falling in Love Cost Me My Coven

Hex and the City

Thanks to everyone who entered, and if you see your entry here, please check your email!


Freaky Fug Friday: Noomi Rapace

Just in time for the holidays, Freaky Fug Friday is back!

THE TASK: Doesn’t Noomi Rapace here look like the world’s most glamorous witch? Please invent the title of  the autobiography that this woman would write.

THE RULES: All entries must be posted in the comments of this post by 9 p.m. Pacific time on Monday.

THE PRIZE: Yay, this is exciting! We have five autographed copies of the newest book by Amy Spalding, Ink Is Thicker Than Water. What is this fine book about, I hear you wondering. Per Amazon: “For Kellie Brooks, family has always been a tough word to define. Combine her hippie mom and tattooist stepdad, her adopted overachieving sister, her younger half brother, and her tough-love dad, and average Kellie’s the one stuck in the middle, overlooked and impermanent. When Kellie’s sister finally meets her birth mother and her best friend starts hanging with a cooler crowd, the feeling only grows stronger. But then she reconnects with Oliver, the sweet and sensitive college guy she had a near hookup with last year. Oliver is intense and attractive, and she’s sure he’s totally out of her league. But as she discovers that maybe intensity isn’t always a good thing, it’s yet another relationship she feels is spiraling out of her control. It’ll take a new role on the school newspaper and a new job at her mom’s tattoo shop for Kellie to realize that defining herself both outside and within her family is what can finally allow her to feel permanent, just like a tattoo.” Sounds good, right? I’m starting it tonight, and I can’t wait to read it. Get to writing, and win one for yourself (or for a friend)!


Freaky Fug Friday, Prince Harry

Do you guys remember when we recently ran an excerpt from the new coffee table book about Queen Elizabeth, and promised we’d be giving away a copy? That day is today! But first, here’s a picture of Prince Harry wearing a fur-lined hood:

PS: If you’re interested in all things Royal, you should definitely read the interview that Celebuzz ran earlier this week with the book’s author, Jennie Bond, who’s covered the royal family for eons. She does not intend to see Diana, which I feel is true not only for royal watchers, but also Naomi Watts fans, people who are still working on their Sayid fanfic, and most living humans.

But if you’re interested in winning a copy of the book, here’s how that happens:

THE TASK: Per Getty Images, Harry isn’t just trying on the finest winter wear, he’s taking part in a training exercise with the ‘Walking with the Wounded’ 2013 British team, which is planing to race teams from the US and the Commonwealth to the South Pole next month. Next month, I plan to eat some ice cream, which is probably very similar. But while that is a very worthy cause, his saucy fur lining makes him look but one step away from a fur turban and therefore one heartbeat away from starring in his own night time soap opera. And there is your task. Prince Harry stars in a night time drama. Name that soap opera.

THE RULES: All entries must be posted in the comments of this post by 9 p.m. Pacific time on Monday. We only have one copy to give away, so give it your best shot.

THE PRIZE: Hello! I just told you. But if you need more info, per the publisher: “Completely updated to include all the Jubilee proceedings, this authoritative photographic history covers the Queen’s reign. On February 6, 1952, Princess Elizabeth, Duchess of Edinburgh, became Queen on the death of her father, King George VI. The reign that was to see major changes both in the country and Commonwealth and in the role of the monarchy began far away from Britain in a game reserve in Kenya. This book chronicles this remarkable period in the history of Britain’s monarchy in lavish and fascinating detail. The Queen has been constantly under scrutiny ever since she took the throne, and this book presents a balanced and absorbing account of her life and of her role as the head of state in a country and a world that have changed almost beyond recognition in the 60 years since she inherited the throne.”  In other words: TIARAS!


Freaky Fug Friday: Lady Gaga / Megan McCafferty Edition

Welcome to the return of Freaky Fug Friday! The prize this week is so good, Lady Gaga is DOING A DANCE:

I think I speak for all of us when I say that THIS IS AMAZING. She looks like Eliza Doolittle if My Fair Lady were about insurance adjusters.

THE TASK: It is too hot, and this is a long weekend. It seems mean to make you do too much. And ergo, I am going to be picking winners at random again this week. All I need from you is an opinion, in the comments: If you had to be trapped in an elevator with Lady Gaga, which Lady Gaga persona would you choose? This Gaga? Meat Dress Gaga? Gaga In An Egg? The more recent Jazzercise Gaga? Quick Change VMAs Gaga? Those are just Gaga Iterations off the top of my head; You may choose any Gaga you like.

THE RULES: All entries must be posted in the comments of this post by 9 p.m. Pacific time on TUESDAY. Contest is open to US residents only.

THE PRIZE: This will delight you! Megan McCafferty has a new Jessica Darling book out — and it’s a prequel. It’s called Jessica Darling’s It List: The (Totally Not) Guaranteed Guide to Popularity, Prettiness & Perfection, and it is as charming and delightful and darling as you would hope — all you Jessica Darling/Marcus Flutie fans will, of course, NEED to add it to your collection. Per Amazon:

I hadn’t even gotten to homeroom yet and I’d already discovered five hard truths about junior high:

1. My best friend had turned pretty.
2. She didn’t know it yet.
3. It wouldn’t be long before she did.
4. That knowledge would change everything between us.
5. And there wasn’t a thing I could do about it.

It’s the first day of seventh grade. Is Jessica Darling doomed for dorkdom?

New York Times bestselling author Megan McCafferty’s hilarious new novel will have you laughing, cringing, and cheering for Jessica Darling as she learns that being herself beats being popular, pretty & perfect any day.”

It’s technically for ages ten and up — it’s aimed at younger readers than the original Jessica Darling books — but I think it’s enjoyable for all. Good luck!


Freaky Fug Friday

It’s HOT in London, so Rihanna gets a pass for wearing something skimpy:

But I’m just hoping those shorts are well lined. While I do some hoping, let’s give away a book for your summer reading pleasure!

THE TASK: It’s too hot to make you think too hard. And I’m sure everyone in London, including Rihanna here, has thought at least once, “I wonder what they’re going to name that Royal Baby.” So make your predictions in the comments and — like last time — I will pick the winners at random. And! This way, if you’re right, you can PROVE IT to people later. I’m always thinking of ways to make it easier for you to gloat.

THE RULES: All entries must be posted in the comments of this post by 9 p.m. Pacific time on Monday.

THE PRIZE: This week, we’re giving away five copies of Claudia Silver to the Rescue. Fun fact! I am in the midst of reading it myself right now, and enjoying it very much. What’s it about? Ahem:

In this gutsy debut novel, flawed but unsinkable Claudia Silver cuts a wide comic swath through 1990s New York City in her misguided attempts to find love and happiness. Estranged from her bohemian Brooklyn family and fired for an impropriety at work, Claudia Silver is officially in over her head. When her younger sister lands on her doorstep urgently in need of help, twenty-something Claudia desperately wants to offer the rescue that she herself has longed for. But Claudia missteps dramatically, straight into a disastrous love affair that disrupts three very different New York households. Ultimately, she discovers the resilient nature of love where she least expects it—among her own family. Claudia Silver to the Rescue is the fierce yet tender chronicle of the many humiliations and occasional triumphs of a young woman determined to wrest her identity from the spectacular wreckage of her mistake. Uncomfortably hilarious, quintessentially human, Claudia is an unforgettable heroine who shoots for the stars and hits the ceiling.”

This contest is open to US and Canadian residents only.


The GFY Blogiversary SPOILED and MESSY Giveway

Today is Go Fug Yourself’s 9th birthday! In internet years, I think that makes us eligible for Social Security, and it CERTAINLY gives us continued permission to shake our virtual canes at misguided young whippersnappers and yell at them to get their Bieber pants off our lawn.  It’s a big week, because tomorrow our second young adult novel, MESSY, comes out in paperback — at Amazon, at Barnes and Noble, at Indigo (if you’re Canadian, in which case: Happy Canada Day!), and at that cute local bookstore where you spend so much time. Go Fug Yourself wouldn’t be here at all without our amazing, awesome readers, and neither would either of our books (we even dedicated the first one, SPOILED, to Fug Nation).  If we could thank you by coming o each of your houses, handing you a Mai Tai, and directing The Hottie of Your Choice to give you a foot rub, we would — but until that becomes logistically possible, giving away some books will have to do.

THE TASK: This is an easy one. We’ve run so many contests asking you to write a haiku or an acrostic or an epic ballad or a rock anthem that this time, we’re giving you a break. All you need to do is tell us which celebrity you most enjoy seeing on GFY. Super famous — J. Lo! Prince Harry! — to obscure (that crackpot C list actor who lives across the street from you), it doesn’t matter. You don’t even need to tell us why; we only need the who. I will then chose the winners at random. This contest is open to all readers. I will send this prize pack to the Arctic Circle if it comes to that.

THE RULES: All entries must be posted in the comments of this post by 9 p.m. Pacific time on SUNDAY, JULY 7.  (Giving you some extra time because this is a short work week in the US.)

THE PRIZE: As you may have guessed from the above, in honor of our birthday and MESSY’s paperback release, we are giving away a signed copy of each book to nine readers.

“But what are these shiny, delightful-looking books about?” I hear you asking. Behold:


Sixteen-year-old Molly Dix has just discovered that her biological father is Brick Berlin, world-famous movie star and red-carpet regular. Intrigued (and a little) terrified by her Hollywood lineage, Molly moves to Los Angeles and plunges headfirst into the deep end of Beverly Hills celebrity life. Just as Molly thinks her life couldn’t get any stranger, she meets Brooke Berlin, her gorgeous, spoiled half sister, who welcomes Molly to la-la land with a smothering dose “sisterly love”…but in this town, nothing is ever what it seems. DUN DUN DUUUUNNNNN! [eitorial note: perhaps that is not exactly how the copy on the back of the book actually ends.]


When sixteen-year-old Brooke Berlin catches a taste of fame and her movie-star father’s attention, she decides it’s time to take her career to the next level–by launching a blog that will position her as a Hollywood “It Girl” who tells it like it is. But between schoolwork, shopping, and spray-tan appointments, she hardly has the time to write it herself…
Enter green-haired outsider Max McCormack, an aspiring author with a terrible after-school job pushing faux meat on the macrobiotic masses. Max loathes the celebrity scene almost as much as she dislikes Brooke, but wooed by an impressive salary, Max reluctantly agrees to play Brooke’s ghost-blogger — and the site takes off. How long will their lie last? Can the girls work together to stay on top, or will the truth come out and ruin everything they’ve built? DUN DUN DUUUUNNNNN! [ibid.]I am biased, but I am pretty sure that if you like reading, fake movie titles, crazy celebrity parents, blogging/bloggers/blogs, dramatic lies, cute boys, romantic shenanigans, playing Find The Harry Potter Reference, or characters named after vegetables/cheese, then I think you will enjoy our books. Good luck, and I hope you — yes, you – win. Either way, thanks for being here. We couldn’t do any of this without you.


Freak Fug Friday: The Results

A big thanks to everyone who entered to win an autographed copy of J Courtney Sullivan’s great new book The Engagments! Behold your winners!

I THINK her tee-shirt reads, “I am a primadonna. And you?” Personally, I like to think of myself as a pre-Madonna. (I don’t even know what that means, you guys. I’m sorry.)

THE TASK:  Rewrite the slogan on her tee shirt to explain what’s happening here, please.



I Don’t Carrot All!


I went to the workshop “How To Photobomb Yourself Like a Pro” and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.


When the revolution comes, you’ll know what all the carrots were for