Fug File: Freaky Fug Friday

Freaky Fug Friday: The Results


Congrats to all the amazing entries on this week’s entry! Behold the winners of Amy Spalding’s new book The Reece Malcolm List:

THE TASK: Please write an acrostic poem about Elle’s footwear. (A reminder: this is an acrostic poem. If you read horizontally down, the first letter of each line spells something.)
lobelia:

Hey look over there,
It’s Muhammad Elle-Li!
She floats like a cute little butterfly
Stings like a fugly footwear bee

Dana:

Fanning, thy game plan must be to perplex,
Onward and upward, toward fugly apex!
Our feet hide in fear of each new contraption;
To you orphan footwear flies, seeking adoption.

Thy boots suit neither pioneer nor Jane Austen,
Rally girls from Texas, soccer players in Boston;
And yet you caper and grin wide with glee,
Is it to celebrate a high seed year for thee?
Thomas Jane and Fug Nation share this attitude,
Oh Elle!
Really, we’d prefer your feet nude.

Yates:

Sweeter times, they were, when
Harold Hill came to town.
I fell for Tommy Djilas, when
Papa – Mayor Shinn — wasn’t around.
Oh wait. That’s a musical, set in the
Oughts. Am I crazy? The
Proof is in these boots that
I bought. (Egads.)

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Freaky Fug Friday: Elle Fanning


Aw, Ellen Fanning is so cute. She is even basically making this work:

The dress is cute for sure; the shoes are what would happen if the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader boots decided to have a baby with Doc Martin. But Elle loves herself some crazy shoes. After all, CAN WE EVER FORGET THIS? It haunts my dreams. And yet, even hideous shoes are entertaining, and that is because shoes are the best. They rarely make you feel like your body is too fat/too thin/too square/too round/too pointy/whatever it is that you worry about with your figure. They are just pretty, or delightfully CRAZY, or amusingly HIDEOUS, and as much as I hate the GIRLZ LUV SHOES!!!!!!!! stereotype, because I also enjoy sports and books about serial killers, I must admit that I DO luv shoes. Therefore, I present this week’s Freaky Fug Friday:

THE TASK: Please write an acrostic poem about Elle’s footwear. (A reminder: this is an acrostic poem. If you read horizontally down, the first letter of each line spells something.)

THE RULES: All entries must be posted in the comments of this post by 9 p.m. Pacific time on Sunday.

THE PRIZE: We are so excited to be giving away THREE copies of the great new YA book by Amy Spalding (a Fug National!), The Reece Malcolm List. Per Amazon: “Devan knows very little about Reece Malcolm, until the day her father dies and she’s shipped off to live with the mother she’s never met. All she has is a list of notebook entries that doesn’t add up to much. L.A. offers a whole new world to Devan—a performing arts school allows her to pursue her passion for show choir and musicals, a new circle of friends helps to draw her out of her shell, and an intriguing boy opens up possibilities for her first love. But then the Reece Malcolm list gets a surprising new entry. Now that Devan is so close to having it all, can she handle the possibility of losing everything?”

You guys are going to love it — it is chock full of cute boys and musical theatre! — so get to writing. This contest is open to ALL READERS, even if you live on the moon.

[Photo: WENN]

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Freaky Fug Friday


I am SO EXCITED about the prize for this giveaway! We are thrilled to be giving away five (5) AUTOGRAPHED COPIES of the new Jackie Collins book The Power Trip — which is classic Jackie Collins, which means you guys are going to love it. It opens with a man getting shot whilst in flagrante delicto. How delicious is that?

Speaking of delicious:

NIGEL YOU ARE AGELESS. Coco is likewise generally flawless.

THE TASK: If you follow Jackie on Pinterest — which you should — you know that one of her favorite boards is called SMOKIN’ HOT and it’s just pictures of hot dudes. It’s awesome, and it will make you happy. In honor of those hot dudes, and the many hot dudes she’s written about, and all the hot dudes in her current book, please pretend that YOU are writing a Jackie Collins-esque novel (glamorous, sassy, action-packed fun) and describe for us the character you’d create who would eventually be played in the ABC Mini-Series Event by Nigel Barker as seen here.

THE RULES: All entries must be posted in the comments of this post by 9 p.m. Pacific time on Tuesday (giving you some extra time this go around.) We’ve been having issues with people being able to comment; if you run into technical issues, please ping us on Twitter so we can get a handle on the extent of the problem. Thank you!

THE PRIZE: You never forget your first Jackie Collins book. I totally stole my mother’s copy of Hollywood Wives when I was 12, and I LEARNED THINGS from it. It’s so cold outside right now, don’t we all need a book that makes us feel like we’re reading it poolside with a fruity drink and a hot pool boy? From Amazon: “A luxurious yacht in the Sea of Cortez, a birthday cruise for one of the world’s most beautiful women and an invitation no one can refuse.   The Power Trip—take it if you dare. From Hollywood icon and mega-seller Jackie Collins comes a thrilling new novel, The Power Trip, set on a state of the art luxury yacht off the coast of Cabo San Lucas. A tropical getaway with a cast of global power-hungry elites turns sour when they find out maybe they don’t control as much of the world as they thought. In The Power Trip you will meet Aleksandr Kasianenko, a billionaire Russian oligarch, as he sets sail on The Bianca. You’ll meet his sexy supermodel girlfriend, whom The Bianca is named after, and five dynamic, powerful, and famous couples invited on the yacht’s maiden voyage: Hammond Patterson, a driven Senator, and his lovely but unhappy wife, Sierra; Cliff Baxter, a charming, never-married movie star, and his ex-waitress girlfriend, Lori; Taye Sherwin, a famous black UK footballer and his interior designer wife, Ashley; Luca Perez, a male Latin singing sensation with his older decadent English boyfriend, Jeromy; and Flynn, a maverick journalist with his Asian renegade female friend, Xuan. You will also meet Russian mobster, Sergei Zukov, a man with a grudge against Aleksandr. And Sergei’s Mexican beauty queen girlfriend, Ina, whose brother, Cruz, is a master pirate with orders to hold The Bianca and its illustrious rota of guests for ransom. The Power Trip explorers the decadent playgrounds of the super-rich . . . and leaves you hungry for more.” FIVE of you will get an autographed hard copy to read on your yacht (or elsewhere). The contest is open to US residents only. Good luck!

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Freaky Fug Friday, Mariah Carey


Mariah Carey is a national treasure. Behold her, in Aspen, doing some “late-night Christmas shopping, with champagne” per our photo source:

Also please note that she appears to be singing. I like to believe that Mimi sing-narrates everything she does. You know: “Do youuuuuuuuuu have this in a sizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzze SIX? Gingham is my jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAmmmmmm.” Etc. I feel like this is actually kind of a believable theory, you guys.

THE TASK: Please compose the BRIEF song that Mariah is singing in this photo.

THE RULES: All entries must be posted in the comments of this post by 9 p.m. Pacific time on MONDAY.

THE PRIZE: This is a really good one. We have one copy of Audrey: The 60s by David Wills, a TREMENDOUSLY beautiful coffee table book devoted to Audrey Hepburn in, you guessed it, the 1960s. Per Amazon: “Among the highlights: Rare and classic images digitally restored from their original negatives and transparencies; never-before-seen publicity photos and candids from the sets of Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Charade, My Fair Lady, How to Steal a Million, and Two for the Road; unpublished outtakes and rarely seen images from Vogue fashion sessions, some not published since their original appearance; previously unpublished photos by Bert Stern, Cecil Beaton, Douglas Kirkland, William Klein, Howell Conant, Bob Willoughby, Pierluigi Pratulon, and many others.” It is a huge, glossy hardcover and the winner is going to LOVE IT.

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Freaky Fug Friday WINNERS!


So excited to announce the winners of Stephanie V.W. Lucianovic’s new book, Suffering Succotash: A Picky Eater’s Quest to Understand Why We Hate the Foods We Hate. Behold:

THE TASK: Please write the sign you would hold up to the paparazzi if you were in Faustino’s ratty sneaks.

The winners!

Corrie: I AM UNDERCOVER. Shhhhhh.

Craig Turner: NOTHING TO SEE HERE. JUST PICKING UP MY PAYCHECK.

Leah: MY OTHER OUTFIT IS A TUXEDO.

Eliza Bennett: WOLVERINE ATTACK VICTIM PLEASE HELP.

Thanks to all who entered, and winners, please check your email!

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Freaky Fug Friday: David Faustino


It just goes to show how little happens during the doldrums of summer that the paparazzi decided to snap pictures of the erstwhile Bud Bundy, David Faustino, exiting an El Pollo Loco, of all things.

Don’t you feel like, if you were David Faustino, just running out for some sweet charbroiled chicken, you’d be all, “…I can’t believe the one time I run out for chicken wearing the shorts I use when I’m working in my wood-working shed, I get snapped by the paparazzi?! YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME”?  I actually might have gone back into El Pollo Loco and made a sign to hold up, so as to explain to them that they’d simply gotten me at a bad time.

THE TASK: Please write the sign you would hold up to the paparazzi if you were in Faustino’s ratty sneaks.

THE RULES: All entries must be posted in the comments of this post by 9 p.m. Pacific time on Sunday.

THE PRIZE:  It is apt that this FFF takes place at a dining establishment, as today’s prize is four copies of Stephanie V.W. Lucianovic’s new book, Suffering Succotash: A Picky Eater’s Quest to Understand Why We Hate the Foods We Hate.  Per Amazon: “Suffering Succotash is a wide-angle look into the world of picky eating, told by a writer who’s been in the culinary trenches. With wit and charm, through visits to laboratories specializing in genetic analysis, attempts to infiltrate the inner workings of a “feeding” clinic, and interviews with fellow picky eaters and adventurous foodies young and old, Stephanie explores her own food phobias and gets to the bottom of what repulses us about certain foods, what it really means to be a picky eater, and what we can do about it.” I’ve read it, and it’s an engrossing and very humorous look at a really interesting subject — and I say that as someone who is both NOT a picky eater, and someone who rarely reads non-fiction, so you know it’s good! You will enjoy it, Fug Nation! So get writing.

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