Fug File: Freaky Fug Friday

Freaky Fug Friday, Mariah Carey


Mariah Carey is a national treasure. Behold her, in Aspen, doing some “late-night Christmas shopping, with champagne” per our photo source:

Also please note that she appears to be singing. I like to believe that Mimi sing-narrates everything she does. You know: “Do youuuuuuuuuu have this in a sizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzze SIX? Gingham is my jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAmmmmmm.” Etc. I feel like this is actually kind of a believable theory, you guys.

THE TASK: Please compose the BRIEF song that Mariah is singing in this photo.

THE RULES: All entries must be posted in the comments of this post by 9 p.m. Pacific time on MONDAY.

THE PRIZE: This is a really good one. We have one copy of Audrey: The 60s by David Wills, a TREMENDOUSLY beautiful coffee table book devoted to Audrey Hepburn in, you guessed it, the 1960s. Per Amazon: “Among the highlights: Rare and classic images digitally restored from their original negatives and transparencies; never-before-seen publicity photos and candids from the sets of Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Charade, My Fair Lady, How to Steal a Million, and Two for the Road; unpublished outtakes and rarely seen images from Vogue fashion sessions, some not published since their original appearance; previously unpublished photos by Bert Stern, Cecil Beaton, Douglas Kirkland, William Klein, Howell Conant, Bob Willoughby, Pierluigi Pratulon, and many others.” It is a huge, glossy hardcover and the winner is going to LOVE IT.

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Freaky Fug Friday WINNERS!


So excited to announce the winners of Stephanie V.W. Lucianovic’s new book, Suffering Succotash: A Picky Eater’s Quest to Understand Why We Hate the Foods We Hate. Behold:

THE TASK: Please write the sign you would hold up to the paparazzi if you were in Faustino’s ratty sneaks.

The winners!

Corrie: I AM UNDERCOVER. Shhhhhh.

Craig Turner: NOTHING TO SEE HERE. JUST PICKING UP MY PAYCHECK.

Leah: MY OTHER OUTFIT IS A TUXEDO.

Eliza Bennett: WOLVERINE ATTACK VICTIM PLEASE HELP.

Thanks to all who entered, and winners, please check your email!

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Freaky Fug Friday: David Faustino


It just goes to show how little happens during the doldrums of summer that the paparazzi decided to snap pictures of the erstwhile Bud Bundy, David Faustino, exiting an El Pollo Loco, of all things.

Don’t you feel like, if you were David Faustino, just running out for some sweet charbroiled chicken, you’d be all, “…I can’t believe the one time I run out for chicken wearing the shorts I use when I’m working in my wood-working shed, I get snapped by the paparazzi?! YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME”?  I actually might have gone back into El Pollo Loco and made a sign to hold up, so as to explain to them that they’d simply gotten me at a bad time.

THE TASK: Please write the sign you would hold up to the paparazzi if you were in Faustino’s ratty sneaks.

THE RULES: All entries must be posted in the comments of this post by 9 p.m. Pacific time on Sunday.

THE PRIZE:  It is apt that this FFF takes place at a dining establishment, as today’s prize is four copies of Stephanie V.W. Lucianovic’s new book, Suffering Succotash: A Picky Eater’s Quest to Understand Why We Hate the Foods We Hate.  Per Amazon: “Suffering Succotash is a wide-angle look into the world of picky eating, told by a writer who’s been in the culinary trenches. With wit and charm, through visits to laboratories specializing in genetic analysis, attempts to infiltrate the inner workings of a “feeding” clinic, and interviews with fellow picky eaters and adventurous foodies young and old, Stephanie explores her own food phobias and gets to the bottom of what repulses us about certain foods, what it really means to be a picky eater, and what we can do about it.” I’ve read it, and it’s an engrossing and very humorous look at a really interesting subject — and I say that as someone who is both NOT a picky eater, and someone who rarely reads non-fiction, so you know it’s good! You will enjoy it, Fug Nation! So get writing.

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Freaky Fug Friday: Winners!


A huge round of applause for everyone who entered this week’s contest! We are stoked to be giving you THREE copies of the new book by Pamela Ribon,You Take It From HereHere’s the challenge:

THE SITUATION:   This is at an event called “Britain Creates 2012: Fashion & Art Collusion.”

THE TASK: Please write a haiku about this unfortunate yet tropical ensemble using, at some point, the phrase “My Fair Lady.”

And the winners are:

TL

My fair lady parts
Cannot be contained by a
Mere satin loincloth.

Katy B

Well, my fair lady –
We now know you stole clothes from
Young Blanche Devereaux.

harfang

My fair lady, that
Ensemble ensures you can’t
Move yer bloomin’ arse.

Winners, check your email for details. Everyone else, thank you for entering!

 

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Freaky Fug Friday: Eliza Doolittle


We’ve been ignoring British singer Eliza Doolittle because…I don’t know. A long-held prejudice against people who adopt a stage name that’s already the name of a very famous fictional character? Like, that way madness lies. Although clearly madness is already HERE:

That…has a lot going on. Not the least of which being the fact that it’s a size too small. Although now that I’ve looked up Ms Doolittle (ugh) on Noted Factorium Wikipedia and discovered that her mother is Frances Ruffelle, who won a Tony for playing Eponine in Les Miserables and is therefore the Eponine on my own recording of Les Mis and is THEREFORE a woman with whom I have violently sung along for A MILLION YEARS, I am more charitably disposed toward her. BUT WILL YOU BE?

THE SITUATION:  I just told you.  This is at an event called “Britain Creates 2012: Fashion & Art Collusion” which sounds like something I would have titled one of my old Lit papers: it sounds good but doesn’t really MEAN anything much.

THE TASK: Please write a haiku about this unfortunate yet tropic ensemble using, at some point, the phrase “My Fair Lady.” For obvious reasons.

THE RULES: All entries must be posted in the comments of this post by 9 p.m. Pacific time on Sunday.

THE PRIZE:  We are thrilled to be giving away THREE copies of the new book by Pamela Ribon — who you may know as Pamie, and who we have known since all three of us were recappers over at Television Without Pity. Ah, memories! It’s called You Take It From Here. And the back of the book says:

“On the heels of a divorce, all Danielle Meyers wants is her annual vacation with sassy, life-long best friend, Smidge—complete with umbrella cocktails by an infinity pool—but instead she’s hit with the curveball of a lifetime. Smidge takes Danielle to the middle of nowhere to reveal a diagnosis of terminal cancer, followed by an unusual request: “After I’m gone, I want you to finish the job. Marry my husband. Raise my daughter. I’m gonna teach you to how to be Smidge 2.0.”

As Danielle wrestles with this major life decision, she finds herself torn between being true to her best friend’s wishes and being honest with herself. Parenting issues aside, Smidge’s small-town Louisiana world is exactly the one Danielle made sure to escape. Danielle isn’t one for playing the social butterfly, or being the center of attention. And when your best friend tries to set you up on a date night with her husband, it might be time to become the bossy one for a change.

In the spirit of Beaches and Steel Magnolias, You Take It from Here is an honest, hilarious, and heartbreaking novel that ultimately asks: How much should we sacrifice for the ones we love the most?”

I can’t wait to read it — in fact, I just went to pre-order it for my Kindle and Amazon told me I had already ordered it, I want to read it that much — and I know you guys are going to love it. So get out there and haiku yourself a copy!

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Freaky Fug Friday WINNERS!


In case you need a refresher, this week’s winners — grabbing an autographed copy of Joanna Philbin’s Daughters Join the Party! — were asked to tell us what, exactly, La Blanchett is looking for in her purse here:

And our winners are:

Piglet the Pooh:

Benjamin Button. By now he’s a single sperm, and will easily fit into the smallest handbag.

Peter:
That f*cking One Ring. It’s her birthday, and it’s Precious to her.
Irma:
“OMG. I am running late for my lunch with Meryl. Where is that silly banana hair clip?”
Thanks to all who entered! Winners, please check your email!

 

 

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