Fug File: Freaky Fug Friday

Freaky Fug Friday: Lindsay Lohan Edition


The return of Freaky Fug Friday! And who better to usher in a new season of contests and creativity than the erstwhile star of Freaky Friday herself, Ms Lindsay Lohan (whose get-up at the Scary Movie premiere is heading your way later today):

She wore this ON AN AIRPLANE. And by “this” I mean, “I don’t actually know WHAT this is.” Is it….boots over jeans and then spats over the boots….? Is that sentence even in English? I do not know what is happening here. Please send help.

THE TASK:  Help. Please explain what Lilo is actually wearing here. But do it in a haiku.

THE RULES: All entries must be posted in the comments of this post by 9 p.m. Pacific time on MONDAY.

THE PRIZE:  This week, we’re giving away five (5!) copies of the new memoir Rapture Practice, by Aaron Hartzler. Per Amazon:Aaron Hartzler grew up in a home where he was taught that at any moment Jesus might come down in the twinkling of an eye, and scoop his whole family up to Heaven. As a kid, Aaron was thrilled by the idea that each day might be his last one on planet Earth…But as he turns sixteen, Aaron finds himself more and more attached to his life on Earth, and curious about all the things his family forsakes for the Lord. He begins to realize he doesn’t want the Rapture to happen, just yet; not before he sees his first movie, stars in the school play, or has his first kiss. Before long, Aaron makes the plunge from conflicted do-gooder to full-fledged teen rebel…In this funny and heartfelt coming of age memoir, debut author Aaron Hartzler recalls his teenage journey to find the person he is without losing the family who loves him. It’s a story about losing your faith, finding your place, and learning your very own truth–which is always stranger than fiction.” I’ve read the book, and I can attest to the fact that it’s excellent — funny, engrossing, moving. A great read. Whoever wins it is in for a treat. (PS: Los Angelenos, Aaron is also going to be speaking at the Santa Monica Public Library tomorrow (Saturday) at 3pm. He’s also moderating the panel on which Heather and I are appearing at the LA Times Festival of Books on the 21st. Synchronicity!)

(This contest is open to US residents only.)

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Freaky Fug Friday: Results!


Apologies for the lateness of this post! We had some technical issues this week that got our schedule all wonky. But with no further ado:

[Photo: WENN]

THE TASK: Imagine that Carly Rae is singing an Ode to Shorts now. Name that tune. (Literally: give us the title — and only the title – of a fictional song that’s an Ode to Shorts.)

THE WINNERS:

Elizabeth: Chafe Me Maybe

ronwyn: This Crotch Is On Fire

Katie: Hit Me Wedgie, One More Time

Lucky winners, please check your email and get ready to cook up a storm with Casey Barber’s new book Classic Snacks Made from Scratch!

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Freaky Fug Friday: Carly Rae Jepsen


Well, Carly Rae Jepsen really loves her some leather short shorts, doesn’t she? These are almost like leather BIKE shorts, a phrase that must never pass my lips — or my keyboard — again:

[Photo: WENN]

THE TASK: Imagine that Carly Rae is singing an Ode to Shorts now. Name that tune. (Literally: give us the title — and only the title – of a fictional song that’s an Ode to Shorts.)

THE RULES: All entries must be posted in the comments of this post by 9 p.m. Pacific time on MONDAY.

THE PRIZE: We have three copies of the great new cookbook Classic Snacks Made From Scratch: 70 Homemade Versions of Your Favorite Brand-Name Treats. Per Amazon, “A cream-filled chocolate cupcake for dessert. Caramel popcorn while watching a movie. An ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day. What could be better than indulging in your favorite guilty pleasures? Having the fun and satisfaction of making them yourself with all-natural ingredients so they taste more delicious than the brand-name originals.”You know you want to know how to make Klondike Bars at home. And as someone who has sampled the homemade Cheezits from this very book, you NEED to be able to make them. They are awesome. This contest is open to all readers, so get to writing!

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Freaky Fug Friday: The Results


Congrats to all the amazing entries on this week’s entry! Behold the winners of Amy Spalding’s new book The Reece Malcolm List:

THE TASK: Please write an acrostic poem about Elle’s footwear. (A reminder: this is an acrostic poem. If you read horizontally down, the first letter of each line spells something.)
lobelia:

Hey look over there,
It’s Muhammad Elle-Li!
She floats like a cute little butterfly
Stings like a fugly footwear bee

Dana:

Fanning, thy game plan must be to perplex,
Onward and upward, toward fugly apex!
Our feet hide in fear of each new contraption;
To you orphan footwear flies, seeking adoption.

Thy boots suit neither pioneer nor Jane Austen,
Rally girls from Texas, soccer players in Boston;
And yet you caper and grin wide with glee,
Is it to celebrate a high seed year for thee?
Thomas Jane and Fug Nation share this attitude,
Oh Elle!
Really, we’d prefer your feet nude.

Yates:

Sweeter times, they were, when
Harold Hill came to town.
I fell for Tommy Djilas, when
Papa – Mayor Shinn — wasn’t around.
Oh wait. That’s a musical, set in the
Oughts. Am I crazy? The
Proof is in these boots that
I bought. (Egads.)

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Freaky Fug Friday: Elle Fanning


Aw, Ellen Fanning is so cute. She is even basically making this work:

The dress is cute for sure; the shoes are what would happen if the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader boots decided to have a baby with Doc Martin. But Elle loves herself some crazy shoes. After all, CAN WE EVER FORGET THIS? It haunts my dreams. And yet, even hideous shoes are entertaining, and that is because shoes are the best. They rarely make you feel like your body is too fat/too thin/too square/too round/too pointy/whatever it is that you worry about with your figure. They are just pretty, or delightfully CRAZY, or amusingly HIDEOUS, and as much as I hate the GIRLZ LUV SHOES!!!!!!!! stereotype, because I also enjoy sports and books about serial killers, I must admit that I DO luv shoes. Therefore, I present this week’s Freaky Fug Friday:

THE TASK: Please write an acrostic poem about Elle’s footwear. (A reminder: this is an acrostic poem. If you read horizontally down, the first letter of each line spells something.)

THE RULES: All entries must be posted in the comments of this post by 9 p.m. Pacific time on Sunday.

THE PRIZE: We are so excited to be giving away THREE copies of the great new YA book by Amy Spalding (a Fug National!), The Reece Malcolm List. Per Amazon: “Devan knows very little about Reece Malcolm, until the day her father dies and she’s shipped off to live with the mother she’s never met. All she has is a list of notebook entries that doesn’t add up to much. L.A. offers a whole new world to Devan—a performing arts school allows her to pursue her passion for show choir and musicals, a new circle of friends helps to draw her out of her shell, and an intriguing boy opens up possibilities for her first love. But then the Reece Malcolm list gets a surprising new entry. Now that Devan is so close to having it all, can she handle the possibility of losing everything?”

You guys are going to love it — it is chock full of cute boys and musical theatre! — so get to writing. This contest is open to ALL READERS, even if you live on the moon.

[Photo: WENN]

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Freaky Fug Friday


I am SO EXCITED about the prize for this giveaway! We are thrilled to be giving away five (5) AUTOGRAPHED COPIES of the new Jackie Collins book The Power Trip — which is classic Jackie Collins, which means you guys are going to love it. It opens with a man getting shot whilst in flagrante delicto. How delicious is that?

Speaking of delicious:

NIGEL YOU ARE AGELESS. Coco is likewise generally flawless.

THE TASK: If you follow Jackie on Pinterest — which you should — you know that one of her favorite boards is called SMOKIN’ HOT and it’s just pictures of hot dudes. It’s awesome, and it will make you happy. In honor of those hot dudes, and the many hot dudes she’s written about, and all the hot dudes in her current book, please pretend that YOU are writing a Jackie Collins-esque novel (glamorous, sassy, action-packed fun) and describe for us the character you’d create who would eventually be played in the ABC Mini-Series Event by Nigel Barker as seen here.

THE RULES: All entries must be posted in the comments of this post by 9 p.m. Pacific time on Tuesday (giving you some extra time this go around.) We’ve been having issues with people being able to comment; if you run into technical issues, please ping us on Twitter so we can get a handle on the extent of the problem. Thank you!

THE PRIZE: You never forget your first Jackie Collins book. I totally stole my mother’s copy of Hollywood Wives when I was 12, and I LEARNED THINGS from it. It’s so cold outside right now, don’t we all need a book that makes us feel like we’re reading it poolside with a fruity drink and a hot pool boy? From Amazon: “A luxurious yacht in the Sea of Cortez, a birthday cruise for one of the world’s most beautiful women and an invitation no one can refuse.   The Power Trip—take it if you dare. From Hollywood icon and mega-seller Jackie Collins comes a thrilling new novel, The Power Trip, set on a state of the art luxury yacht off the coast of Cabo San Lucas. A tropical getaway with a cast of global power-hungry elites turns sour when they find out maybe they don’t control as much of the world as they thought. In The Power Trip you will meet Aleksandr Kasianenko, a billionaire Russian oligarch, as he sets sail on The Bianca. You’ll meet his sexy supermodel girlfriend, whom The Bianca is named after, and five dynamic, powerful, and famous couples invited on the yacht’s maiden voyage: Hammond Patterson, a driven Senator, and his lovely but unhappy wife, Sierra; Cliff Baxter, a charming, never-married movie star, and his ex-waitress girlfriend, Lori; Taye Sherwin, a famous black UK footballer and his interior designer wife, Ashley; Luca Perez, a male Latin singing sensation with his older decadent English boyfriend, Jeromy; and Flynn, a maverick journalist with his Asian renegade female friend, Xuan. You will also meet Russian mobster, Sergei Zukov, a man with a grudge against Aleksandr. And Sergei’s Mexican beauty queen girlfriend, Ina, whose brother, Cruz, is a master pirate with orders to hold The Bianca and its illustrious rota of guests for ransom. The Power Trip explorers the decadent playgrounds of the super-rich . . . and leaves you hungry for more.” FIVE of you will get an autographed hard copy to read on your yacht (or elsewhere). The contest is open to US residents only. Good luck!

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