Fug File: Crotchtacular

Eva Herzifugna/Who Fugged It More?

As we’ve noted in the past, Cannes just doesn’t seem to start until Eva Herzigova has shown up baring as much of herself as possible.

I am quite sure we’re mere moments from the day when she shows up wrapped in cling film, having sold ad space on her nipples and her Lady Friend. I am also quite sure that Johnny Weir will add pants to this and use it to skate a routine to a mash-up of the Ice Castles soundtrack and the Snow Miser’s ballad.
But, this wasn’t her first appearance at Cannes. For that, she took a page from The Big Book of Boobs Legsly:

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Kirsty Fug Porter

So, Kirsty Leigh Porter here has been on several British soaps, briefly. She was on Coronation Street for like six months, and now she’s on Emmerdale, playing what appears to be a teen drug kingpin. You know. Like you do.

Her friends are obviously EXTREMELY JEALOUS of her nascent career, because otherwise you’d think they would have told her that she forgot her pants.


Met Ball Fug Carpet: Emma Watson

I love you, Emma Watson, and I actually think this dress is gorgeous.

But that slit is HIGH: One overly aggressive step in the wrong direction, and we’re all gonna see your hermione. I beg you, please tread carefully.


Met Ball Fug Carpet: Blake Lively



By the way things are going, when the 2011 Met Ball rolls around, I fully expect Boobs Legsly here to show up wearing solely a bikini and a real expensive pair of shades.


Fugs of a Teenage Drama Fug

STOP THE PRESSES! (Do people still say that? Or am I supposed to be saying, like, “STALL THE SERVERS!”?) Anyway: HOLD UP!

[Photo: Splash News]

LINDSAY LOHAN IS NOT WEARING LEGGINGS/SHORTS MADE OUT OF LEGGINGS. I repeat, Lindsay Lohan is NOT wearing leggings or booty shorts she made of leggings with the legs cut off. Instead, she is wearing a pretty cute dress that has, of course, been rendered utterly crotchtacular and kitted out with boots that are a salute to Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, but STILL! Small victories? Dude, I take what I can get.


Fugly Reckless

I clearly have to just make some kind of program that randomizes a series of my usual rants about Taylor Momsen, and save myself the work of writing these posts anymore.

[Photo: WENN.com]

The phrases to go into the randomizer would be:

  • Dude, where are her parents?
  • She’s ONLY 16!
  • That skirt is SO SHORT.’
  • Gross
  • I wish Jenny Humphrey would fall in front of something fast and deadly.

And then, once they were loaded, I could just hit a giant button that said, “FUG” and something appropriate would pop out. I’m getting Intern George on this immediately. What a time saver!