Fug File: Accessories to the Crime

BAFTAs Fug or Fab: Alicia Vikander in Louis Vuitton


More than anything, I want to talk about the Vikander/Fassbender Kiss Cam Scandale of last night (we didn’t see it here; it seems it was cut for broadcast everywhere). Wait, more than ANYTHING, I want to hear about DiCaprio making out with Maggie Smith. And then we can talk about Vikanderbender. And then — only then! — can we discuss her dress:

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Yes, it’s leather, embellished with some kind of progressively stabby tinsel — as if this were a Chia Pet, but instead of a pet, it’s a dress, and instead of chia, it grows tinsel. I don’t hate it, and I definitely want to touch it. Which is either good news, or bad, depending on how you feel about me as a person, I suppose.

[Photo: Getty]

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The DGA Awards Fugs and Fabs: The Solids


All of these women looked at their closets and made the choice to eschew color on this fair evening.

[Photos: Getty]

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SAG Awards Fugs and Fabs: The Women of Downton Abbey


The SAGs LOVE Downton, as they’ve won best ensemble in a drama several years in a row. And love seeing the Downtonites out of period costume. They all look more or less great, but Baxter looks particularly amazing. NO SPOILERS!

Note: No Michelle Dockery this year. Her fiance died at the very end of 2015, and (understandably) she hasn’t made any public appearances since. Actually, I just realized that it’s ONLY the Downstairs Downtonites who came to this event.

 

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VMAs Fug Carpet: Taylor Swift in Ashish


You know what? I have a high tolerance for Taylor, but I just can’t with this, to use MTV-appropriate vernacular:

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Those shoes are great, but she’s wearing sparkly houndstooth sweatpants that she kept pulling up all night (so as not to violate the Taylor Swift Anti-Bellybutton Guidelines) with a matching cropped top. There is no human alive who can really wear sparkly houndstooth sweatpants without looking slightly absurd, but definitely not when that human also makes the choice to go really matchy-matchy with that particular life choice. Okay, wait, that’s a lie. Gwen Stefani could wear this. But Taylor is no Gwen Stefani (although if she starts making her squad wear harajuku outfits, then we might need to revise that) — not even at the VMAs.

[Photpo: Getty]

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VMAs WTF: Miley Cyrus


Look, there are a lot of things I can appreciate about Miley. Her hosting performance last night was not one of them.  But you can’t deny that at least she picked “go big” in the age old dilemma of going big, or going home.  She looked like she was a living salute to Tara Reid in Josie and the Pussycats half the time.

[Photos: Getty]

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Teen Choice Awards Fugs and Fabs: The Dudes


We normally close with Terry Crews — he’s always a delightfully big finish — but I can’t make you wait for this. It’s the highest he has ever jumped. It’s amazing. Also, other dudes wore things and I have an Old Person Rage Blackout, which we all know was always coming.

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Teen Choice Awards Fugs and Fabs: Black and White


Loads of people went for basic black, white, or — my personal preference — the two together.  Let’s read them all over. (Now that fewer people get the newspaper, can corny Dads even tell that joke?) PS: If you’re looking for Zendaya, she got her very own post, of course.

[Photos: Getty]

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