BRIT Awards Fug Carpet/Grammys Better Played: Jessie J

Jessie J’s expression here seems to say it all.

She’s like, “I know, right? Congratulations to me, I’m the nakedest, blah blah blah.” It’s like very major event is Minaj vs. Gaga vs. Perry vs. Jessie J vs. Rihanna vs. whoever else gets the nudity bee in her bonnet. Doesn’t it ever get exhausting? I think that about Gaga all the time — she’s created this persona and now she can’t even run out for a Diet Coke or a bagel without having to put on something that’s part garment, part contraption, part window. Nicki Minaj is the same. She can’t just throw on a hat and go to the store; she probably has to put on a ten-ton wig first, or else people will talk. Wouldn’t they rather there’s a separation of Church and state, so to speak? When do any of these people find the time to be themselves? They probably can’t do it and get fresh air at the same time. It’s a therapist’s dream.

Let’s see the rest of it, for the sake of being a completist.

Yep, it’s ends exactly as it began. I mean, it’s not a catsuit, which means she’s taking a break from every other event she’s ever attended. But what gets me here is that I didn’t even recognize her by her face. It took a second. It’s never good when you figure, “Well, if my head looks totally different, at least people might recognize my underboob.”

Contrast this to the Grammys:

It’s a departure from her usual bob, but not so far away that I didn’t know immediately it was Jessie J. The dress looks like she followed the Yellow Brick Road to another town paved with carcasses of the Tin Man’s old relatives, thrown into a cut that’s not terribly original nor fun. THAT is a bummer. But it’s not spandex and I can’t see her belly button, and so my surprise here was at least more pleasant than with the above red thing, which is basically nipple pasties with a whole bunch of tulle stuck to it. Only three percent of that sucker is opaque. Bad ratio.

Leave a reply

Comments (45):

  1. Willow

    this whole trend of having strategically placed rhinestones and lace is a serious case of The Emperor’s New Robes.

    One person did it. Vogue fawned. And now it’s a disease.

    I also blame Marchesa.

    • Caity Rose

      I keep waiting for the whole “equal and opposite reaction” thing to kick in, when people start showing up to red carpet events with only their face and hands exposed. I think that trend needs to happen, if only because it’ll be funnier than having to look at their naked bodies all the time.

  2. Leah

    I wish someone would just walk the red carpet COMPLETELY NAKED and end the competition already.

    • Celia


      • Annie E

        I third!

      • neiges

        Hell yeah!

      • mary lou bethune

        I agree- we are just waiting for Rhaina or whoever to have an affair with their microphone. The nakedness is inversely proportional to the talent, me thinks. Meryl never did this, Emma Stone doesn’t,….

    • Sam

      Rose McGowan did to the VMAs. Back in 1998.

      You know when MTV actually played music. Do kids these days even remember that?

      • Kit

        But as per the poster above, those with real talent…

        I mean Rose’s greatest asset I think was her pretty face and lovely figure. I only ever thought she was an “okay” acress – and there’s nothing wrong with that. I love Jennfier Anniston and she’s only an “okay” actress – she sticks to what she knows how to do and does it well and provides a little fluff/pap for the masses. I think that was Rose’s forte too.

    • Sandra

      It was the runway rather than the red carpet, but of course somebody did this. A HAT designer of all things, at London Fashion Week.

      All the NSFW gory details are shown in living color at

      • Sandra

        Obviously, this was meant to post as a reply to Leah’s post, not Sam’s. My apologies.

    • Amelia

      I feel Heidi Klum would totally do that…

    • Sarita

      Rose McGowan came pretty close that year she wore chains to the VMAs.

  3. Alice

    We should also probably congratulate her for having not bedazzled her lips, because the poor girl must have swallowed so many rhinestones that her small intestine must look like something out of Indiana Jones.

    Baby steps Jessie, baby steps.

  4. Eliza Bennett

    I think that second outfit is what Lea Michele THINKS she’s wearing all the time.

  5. Kristan

    Actually if you just get rid of the awful bangs, I think she looks wonderful in the Grammys outfit! It’d edgy but still kind of elegant.

  6. Sajorina

    I would’ve never recognized her in the 1st picture either! I actually like the red dress, it is beautifully made and elegant, but I would only approved if it was completely lined in red fabric… Then it would be AWESOME! Who knows, maybe she looked at the dress and said “I’m not wearing that sucker unless they take off the lining!” Anyway, I liked the mirrorball she wore to The Grammys, where her hair & makeup were so much better!

    I think that one day we are going to be able to tell all these starlets apart by their boobs! Heather & Jessica won’t even need headers anymore, one look at the boobs and we’ll know who the post is about!

  7. neiges

    I just love her. Sorry, she is always right in my book. A smile and good spirits go a long way.

    • Lisa

      I agree! She’s really talented and a very interesting person as well. And generally a class above the others in her field.

  8. Ruth

    I love her Grammy dress – it’s like a structured disco ball!

  9. Katie

    “I think that about Gaga all the time — she’s created this persona and now she can’t even run out for a Diet Coke or a bagel without having to put on something that’s part garment, part contraption, part window. ”

    In fact, she does get exhausted, and when she is just doing normal-people activities, she doesn’t wear contraptions. NPR did a story a few weeks back about how she was seen in Lancaster, PA, where her fella is from, at the end of last year. .

  10. Katie

    Sorry, here’s the link

  11. roser

    Grammy dress, lovely. Red “dress,” horrible, as is the hair that went with it.

  12. lb

    Didn’t Fergie just wear this? JJ did it better (Fergs had granny panties on) but it’s still kinda fug.

  13. Danni

    I like her, but the BRITS outfit needs to go and hang on my curtain rod. I love the Grammys dress, and not just considering.

  14. Maria

    this may just be my bias but the red dress looks like she’s hemorrhaging from all the opaque parts. I think I’d like the dress more in a different color (and with some lining) underneath it. I also strongly dislike her makeup in the first one. That’s a whole lot of black around the eyes + the hair..she looks a bit drag queenish.

    She’s quite pretty in the second picture though and I don’t hate that dress. I think the cut is very flattering on her. she looks 7 feet tall.

  15. Jenna

    She looks like Jenna DeWan, here. I actually like the hair and think her face looks very pretty. I also think the dress WOULD be nice, if it wasn’t sheer.

  16. MamaSu

    I have to disagree about GaGa and her cohorts having to get all Gaga’d up to leave the house. I suspect the point of always being seen in some cracked-out ensemble is that when you just want to wash your face, throw on some sweats and a ball cap and run to 7-11 nobody gives you a second glance.

    • Amanda

      Yes, that’s just what I was thinking! Having a distinctive persona might allow you to have a private life of some sort. No one likes celebrities who complain about the trials of being famous, but I for one would think it would suck to never be able to do anything without being photographed and critiqued up the wazoo.

  17. Mahastee

    I actually don’t mind either of these, on HER. Maybe it’s because they’re not catsuits and maybe it’s because she’s not pulling silly “snarl” faces. I do wish she would permanently do away with the blunt fringe.

    Love the hair & makeup with the red dress. No really, I do. I’m a sucker for curls.

  18. TaraMisu

    The red would have been ok if it was lined… agree on that point. Her makeup is horrible!

    I also love her Grammy dress…. very cool! I think she has a thing for mermaid dresses tho….

    • Katie Lynn

      YES! The red dress could have been amazing had it been…a dress. Instead of barely street-legal.

  19. gothmartha

    All I can see is “there is no Dana, only Zuul”…..

  20. vandalfan

    I hope she has a bubbly and bright and charming personality, because I can’t imagine any sedate person wearing such incredibly unattractive hair and impossibly heavy eye makeup, both times.

  21. Jessica

    It’s like very major event is Minaj vs. Gaga vs. Perry vs. Jessie J vs. Rihanna vs. whoever else gets the nudity bee in her bonnet.

    I love that sentence, it’s so true! I feel like they’re all always competing to be the most ridiculous and over-the-top. At first, it was kind of cool to see all of the unique outfits, but now the majority of them are just stupid.

  22. Maddy

    I’m really just not a fan of her style. The hair for the second outfit makes me want to sneak up to her in her sleep and chop it off. PS.. why is her face glowing white with the first outfit? Did somebody do her make-up in the dark?

  23. Laura

    Is Jessie J a drag queen? Legitimate question. I am not convinced that person is genetically female I don’t care if she IS a drag queen, just curious.

  24. Emma

    This is so not better played. There a pics of her from the back in this red dress, and you can totally see all of her butt cheeks. It’s hideous.

  25. tatiana.larina

    Re: entertainers with very high-maintenance public personas – it reminds me of these pictures of Dita von Teese in the gym

  26. Franziska

    She just scares me whatever she wears. I don’t even notice her nudity… her facial expressions are so intense that all I want to do is look away.

  27. Lily1214


  28. Jen

    The silver dress makes her look taller and more elegant than she’s ever looked. But I don’t hate the red- *on her.* she’s singer, with a certain style history, so I think she not only gets away with this but pulls it off. It would not get a pass on most other people, or at most other events for that matter. It would be terrible at the grammys.