Boredly Played, Zooey Deschanel?


It’s not so much that I don’t like this — the dress is fine, although let’s be frank, the nylons and the shoes are fired; no, it’s that the photo cracks me up.

The expression on her face says to me, “God, WHY did I have to cleave to this NICE-GIRL persona? Why do I have to be all CHEERFUL now all the time? What was I thinking? Just ONCE I want to put on a raging case of bitchface and wear a dress made of knives and run over someone’s FOOT with a MOTORCYCLE. Instead it’s all polka-dots and party dresses and YAY WHERE’S MY UKULELE and I swear to GOD when New Girl is over I am going to turn into Angelina Jolie.”

[Photo: Getty]

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Comments (44):

  1. Andrew S.
    0

    It’s what she deserves. I used to LOVE her but the NG commercials were UNBEARABLE and on ALL THE DAMN TIME before the show came out and I just began to hate her so while her smile is strained and sad, mine is filled with joy at the misery she now feels because she inflicted it on us as a public first.

    • Heather
      0

      I actually love New Girl, and think she is great on it, but I feel like… by implying she and Jess are the same, it elevated her persona into this bigger-than-life thing that I suspect she wishes she could undo sometimes.

      • Andrew S.
        0

        I liked her and wanted to like the show but the promo for it all was just so over the top obnoxious that it left a bad taste in my mouth for both. They didn’t need to try and sell her quirkiness – if they’d let it come out naturally then it would’ve been more fun and less jarring.

        • Heather
          0

          THAT I agree with — I think they rode her too hard at the beginning.

  2. Jasmine
    0

    “and I swear to GOD when New Girl is over I am going to turn into Angelina Jolie.”

    Oh my god I just laughed SO HARD at this. Don’t we all just want to Angelina it up sometimes?

    • Sajorina
      0

      I do want to Angelina it up sometimes, but I’m kind of a bitch to begin with!

  3. mary lou bethune
    0

    At least she doesn’t look like a trollop. And you all know that there is no one cuter.

  4. Francesca
    0

    It’s very mall appropriate. Nothing special, nothing horrible, just harmless. A wee bit of color somewhere – earrings, bracelet… – might wake me up from it’s nap inducing visual.

  5. Tracy L
    0

    I love the dress–suitable for so many occasions. The shoes are hideous.
    I get what Jessica is saying. It’s like the only difference between Zooey and Jess are that Zooey is a funny, goofy, musical, rich (i assume) actress whereas Jess is a funny, goofy, musical, poor teacher.
    It would be awesome to hear that Zooey punched out a pap or something.

  6. Linney
    0

    Why has no one gotten to the bottom of the pantyhose wearing mystery?

    • Eric
      0
    • fritanga
      0

      OK, tights are one thing (and one thing Ms. Deschanel has flogged to death) but nude grandma pantyhose are another. Why is she leading the very unfortunate charge to bring them back? I can see someone occasionally wearing sheer silk stockings in a sort of fetish-y Dita Von Teese way, but pantyhose look like hell.

      • Franziska
        0

        She’s not leading the charge to bring back nude tights… our Duchess did that all on her own. But Kate’s tights look just about acceptable whereas Zoe’s look like the ones you get to prevent DVT when you’re in hospital.

        • fritanga
          0

          But isn’t the Duchess of Cambridge required to wear them, just as she’s always required to wear court shoes and appropriate skirt lengths? She has no choice – she must wear the granny pantyhose as a matter of royal protocol. Deschanel, on the other hand, chooses to wear granny pantyhose. Big difference.

  7. Shiitake
    0

    She irritates the hell out of me.

  8. Alicia
    0

    She looks a bit like Shannon Doherty here.

  9. SecondChanceCeramics
    0

    Thanks. Now I want a dress made of knives.

  10. Corriner
    0

    I can’t wait to New Girl (and Schmidt!!!) to come back!

    I like the dress, though I don’t want to marry it or anything. I do want to burn those hose though. Burn them with fire.

  11. Booger
    0

    Does anyone remember in the 90s and early aughts she was the exact opposite of everything she is now. Then she was the bored, sarcastic alt type. Am I the only one who seems to remember this???

    • Annie E
      0

      She always PLAYED those characters, but she has said her personality is not like that at all and that she’s glad to get to play cheerier characters now.

  12. Johanna
    0

    When I try to click through to read more of your posts from my phone, I’m being rerouted through porn sites! I think you have been hacked!

  13. Sajorina
    0

    I think she’s absolutely adorable and beautiful, but no one can be that cheerful all the time. I mean, Zooey separated from her husband and no one could tell she was getting a divorce! I like the dress, but the nude pantyhose and the Minnie Mouse shoes ruin it for me. I guess it is boring by Zooey standards.

  14. Heather
    0

    The fact that her website is called Hello Giggles is creepy to me. She’s a 30-something-year-old woman. @ Booger (ew): yes, I remember, ie Almost Famous. I liked her much better this way. Zooey, claim your adulthood! You can do it!

  15. Brooke
    0

    I continued to be concerned that she messed with her face somehow. Why? She looked great before, now she looks … I can’t place it. Her eyes look constantly sad now.

  16. GeauxFallon
    0

    What is up with her foundation? It’s a shade lighter than her skin. Ghostface Killah is a rapper, not a fashion statement.

  17. TonyG
    0

    Reading this post, I slowly chuckled until it became a full out guffaw. That felt great!

  18. Meaghan
    0

    I feel bad saying this, because I do love Zooey and I think she’s cute as hell and has fabulous hair. But girl has legs like tree trunks.

    • amy
      0

      As someone who had legs like tree trunks even when I was a size 2 with a 34 inch inseam, I gotta say that sometimes genetics is a bitch.

    • Tiffany
      0

      I looked back up at the photo after reading the “legs like tree trunks” comment…and I have to say WHAT are you talking about? At least in this photo her legs look pretty normal. Skinny ankles and small thighs. They aren’t super long, but when I read “tree trunks” I think thick and sturdy.

  19. vandalfan
    0

    If she doesn’t care for her legs, why wear dressies at all? There are plenty of nice slacks available.

    • sarah
      0

      I have a body very similar to Zooey’s and I have long since given up on slacks – Although, unlike me, Zooey would have no problem paying just as much in tailoring as for the item itself…

  20. male fan of GFY
    0

    Zooey is my nylon hero! She looks fantastic.

  21. Robyn
    0

    Honestly, I’m whatever about Zooey, and this outfit. How she’s managing to make polka-dots look dull is beyond me.

    I really came on here for the “Nakedly Played, Prince Harry!” post, but apparently I’m too early. :(

  22. ohiogirl
    0

    I love pantyhose… they used to be required at my company and only a few years ago were bare legs allowed. Closed toe shoes with a dress and bare legs looks unpolished on me due to pale skin, a few mosquito bites, etc.

    I just don’t see tree trunk legs! Her legs look just like mine and I often think they’re too thin.

  23. Ms. A.
    0

    My nanna has that same dress in her closet. and those shoes. and those nylons.
    Nylons-DIE.

  24. Celeste
    0

    Please don’t let nude pantyhose happen again….please!

  25. Mo
    0

    that dress reminds me of something that either Mayim Bialik or Jenna von Oy would have worn on “Blossom”. . . perhaps with a bowler hat. Tracy Ulman might have even rocked it in 1992.

  26. Squirrel!
    0

    I love the dress, dislike the shoes, and am ambivalent about the pantyhose. I do like that her bangs/hair do not look so heavy/fake. Whether that’s due to hairstyle or having extensions removed, I don’t know, but it looks good to me.

  27. moviepilot
    0

    She looks really good in most of the photo shoots she does. A really nice one was part of the ‘Faces of FOX’ campaign that was rolled out recently.

    Check out behind the scene footage from the shoot here: http://bit.ly/Uxr1av

    Best, your moviepilot.com team.