Black-Eyed Fugs


I feel like Fergie is realizing very late in 2012 that her Fug Madness campaign is not ticking along, and that if she doesn’t amp up her game, she might get rendered to — gasp — a double-digit seed, if not left out altogether.

How else to explain this? It’s like a satin pelvic sling mixed with somebody’s long program set to the music of Titanic. I almost blacked out for a second before I found a semi-reassuring close-up of the skirt”

There IS the merest hint of an underskirt hem there… I think… but it’s so well-matched to her flesh tone that it took me a minute to see. It doesn’t make the overall dress any less hideous, but it DOES make it less vagtastic, and that’s a bonus. Supplanting my terror at being flashed, though, is my fear of those terrible talons she has glued to her fingers. Ten bucks says those suckers ripped several seams of this outfit when she tried to wrangle it in the bathroom.

[Photos: Getty, WENN]

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Comments (42):

  1. TaraMisu
    0

    Ugh those nails…. wtf?

    I wish she would realize she can dress classy and still be sexy…..

  2. kickassmomnyc
    0

    It’s winter, she needs to lay off the tanner and put on a pair of nice hose.

    • Rachael
      0

      No hose, unless her intent is to look 65. Particular with peep toe shoes.

  3. Kristen
    0

    Those nails are are the worst! But considering the regular outfitting she shows up in, this isn’t too bad. I’d give her a thumbs up, if not for the nails.

  4. Jacquilynne
    0

    I actually kinda like the dress.

    It might just be the color, but I think it’s pretty.

    • Rachael
      0

      I like it, for a figure-skater. If I saw during the Olympics, I’m sure I’d say it’s quite pretty. But the sheerness… I just always think she is trying too hard.

  5. Miriam
    0

    Wow, Heather, you have good eyes. I cannot see a lining or underskirt hem at all…!

    • Kate
      0

      I, too, cannot see it. Where does the evidence lay??

      • Kate
        0

        *lie. oy.

        • Anna
          0

          Nope, not seeing it.

        • Vandalfan
          0

          Zoom in in photo #1. The skirt hangs away from her body and under her left hand it is clearly lined in a perfect shade of beige to match her skin. Not so much the bodice. There’s a brown tank top under there, I think.

          This should be a wrap style. If the lined lace part was a proper solid fabric, and draped like the turquoise part, we’d have a winner. The sheer “Am I nude or not?” look is tiresome and gauche.

      • Donna4Eva
        0

        Look where the skirt pulls away from her leg at the front. You can still see the flesh tone behind the lace. I think the liner is stitched to the lace overlay, so it’s not really an underskirt.

      • Gretchen
        0

        Look at the full photo of her – look at the ‘original’ full sized version of it – where the dress sits away from her body at the bottom, you can clearly see it has a tan fabric lining.
        You can aso see the atrocious job they did with her bronzer stuff – it’s all streaky and blotchy and weirdly metallic, as if she ran out of tanner and had to use a whole lot of eye shadow in stead..

    • derpshooter
      0

      if you click enlarge on the second photo, look at the back of her leg just above the hem. you can see that the hem of the underlayer has flipped up. i think it’s separate from the dress personally. she’s got perfectly placed spanx on or something.

      also: her nails. wth rich people?! you are rich. get your nails done right, don’t just let that lazy salonbum cheat you by not taking the polish all the way down your nail. what are us poor folks supposed to dream about if you just walk around looking cheap and poor like us?

      Clearly this woman had to much “effen vodka” before getting dressed. (it’s on the background)

  6. theotherjennifer
    0

    I do like the color and I cannot see an underskirt under there at all!! Her hair also looks nice – a little dated ,but I do get sick of it pulled back into that tight tight ponytail. Overall, a 6+

  7. Sandra
    0

    Is that really a hem or just a line in the lace? This is really kinda obscene, but it could’ve been fab if they hadn’t run out of fabric halfway through its construction. Love the color.

  8. Sylvia
    0

    Dresses are safer for her, considering her history with pants.

    The color is awesome, the illusion of a vag slip is not. I had to look really hard to see what may or may not be lining. I don’t like the sling style and lining combo. I think those two materials could work together, but not like this. It’s just…off somehow. I’ll think about it and maybe I can unfug it.

    Those nails should be classified as weapons.

  9. roser
    0

    I love the color of the dress, but why is her face so puffy-looking these days? Is that botox? She had such a pretty face to start with – why mess it up?

  10. Kalli McQueen
    0

    It looks like the lacy parts are lined with a flesh tone mesh fabric. So it’s not really an “underskirt” per say, more like illusion netting. And yes, I did just spend a solid 5 minutes staring at the high-res pics at work to figure that out!

    kompsi.wordpress.com

  11. Edith
    0

    I would like the dress more if it were all lace, and all lined. I’m not usually a fan of lace, but the one lace sleeve looks so pretty, I’d like to see the whole dress in that material. Her oompa-loompa legs and her claws are both gross, though.

  12. katkin74
    0

    Preggo? The dress has a hint of pretty, but something I can’t put my finger on isn’t quite right (I mean, along with the obviousness of NO SKIRT). The nails are hideous.

  13. phoenix
    0

    Eeeeeeek. The scariest thing about the outfit is the nails. Yikes.

    Those must be what uses to keep her (allegedly) philandering hubby in line!

  14. Leah
    0

    This is an atrocity; it looks like an old lady bathing suit. And holy Michael Jackson face, what is she thinking?

  15. Dana
    0

    I’m casting a vote for a full-body Spanx under that…dress, for want of a better term. Which does not excuse anything. Scary hard nails starting to match scary hard face.

  16. Nicole
    0

    I’m not gonna lie, I kinda want to get out scissors or a sewing kit (though I can’t sew) or ~something and have at it to make it an Unfug It Up rather than a straight Fug. For some reason, I see potential.

    • Art Eclectic
      0

      Me too. I love the color and if it was all one fabric, either all lace or all solid, we might have a winner here.

  17. McLisa
    0

    This is SUCH an upgrade from her usual habit of Hollywood step-and-repeat disasters. I don’t think this is THAT bad. The color’s good.

  18. Ladyblahblah
    0

    This looks like a rather unsubtle message to the casting people at Dancing With the Stars.

  19. Mongerel
    0

    Mystery of this apparition finally solved. She is a werewolf. Here she has finally outed herself by step-and-repeating in half-human form.

  20. Esme
    0

    Slutty, drunken mother-of-the-bride.

  21. Lizzy
    0

    “Vagtastic” – hahahahahaha!

  22. maryse
    0

    she looks like charo. cuchi cuchi

  23. The Fugger
    0

    I thought that was ALL Fergie Ferg under the doily, and the closeup didn’t reassure me.

    (By the way, what IS it with Fergie and wearing lace as outerwear? I imagine that her grandmothers are shaking their fingers at her and saying, “Now Stacy, you know you can’t wear my good tablecloths on the red carpet ALL the time.”)

    Back on topic: What did – surprisingly enough – was the full body. On closer inspection, you can’t see any nipple or bra – and her body is slightly darker than her arm. Unless she tans in the nude with arm warmers on, it’s a shift/Spanx.

    That said, I am worried about this. I’m worried that it’s going to fray apart on her body.

  24. Cynthia W
    0

    Here is another person with tons of money at her disposal who, 95% of the time, manages to look cheap. Why? Hire a stylist! If you have one – fire her and hire another one. And stop mucking about with your face.

  25. Terry
    0

    I’m seeing the leg on a Spanx, not a skirt hem.

  26. Sajorina
    0

    I kind of feel like she stole that dress from Hayden Pantywaist’s closet! How sad is that for Fergie? And for Pantywaist? FUG!

  27. Helen
    0

    Schizophrenic dress.

    And when are the claw nails going to go out of fashion? When it first started, I think sometime in the summer, I gave it about a month, because they’re so unwearable. But no, pop stars are still wearing them… and they’re still awful.

  28. mrbruno
    0

    “I’ll poke your eyes out!!!”

  29. Toni255
    0

    Those nails, those nails, really? really? those nails!

  30. Nancy
    0

    Actually, I don’t hate this as much as I hate what she usually wears. For sure though I’d hate it on anyone else.

    The nails scare me.

    I don’t mean to sound catty, but I’m genuinely curious – has she had a lot of work done on her face? It just always looks really fake to me.