I feel like Fergie is realizing very late in 2012 that her Fug Madness campaign is not ticking along, and that if she doesn’t amp up her game, she might get rendered to — gasp — a double-digit seed, if not left out altogether.

How else to explain this? It’s like a satin pelvic sling mixed with somebody’s long program set to the music of Titanic. I almost blacked out for a second before I found a semi-reassuring close-up of the skirt”

There IS the merest hint of an underskirt hem there… I think… but it’s so well-matched to her flesh tone that it took me a minute to see. It doesn’t make the overall dress any less hideous, but it DOES make it less vagtastic, and that’s a bonus. Supplanting my terror at being flashed, though, is my fear of those terrible talons she has glued to her fingers. Ten bucks says those suckers ripped several seams of this outfit when she tried to wrangle it in the bathroom.

[Photos: Getty, WENN]