Billboard Music Awards Fug: Jennifer Lopez


“HOLA LOVERS. I have a secret. It is why I wear windows for clothes all the time. Do you want to hear? Come close: I am bored. I miss Marc. It is so BLAH when I do not have to make weapons out of toothpicks, or build up immunity to rat poison so that my blood is always murder-y.”

[Photos: Getty]

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Comments (43):

  1. Sajorina
    +3

    I’m thrilled to have La Lopez back! I love the gold sequined dress and the accessories, but her hair & makeup are underwhelming! Her performance outfit is RIDICULOUS, but her body looks sick (sick is good) in it! Even when she FAILS, she WINS!

    • Esme
      +11

      Nope, she’s just one gigantic FAIL here, on-stage and off. I might give a crap about her if she tried something different once in a while (although she does look completely insane in that bird get-up). She’s such a YAWN.

      • Sajorina
        +3

        I was referring to GFY JLo when I said “Even when she fails, she wins!” because her commentary is AWESOME!

  2. Jill
    +1

    I bet she wanted to pull that boot up during the whole performance. That dancer dude is so muy siento.

  3. Alicia
    +14

    Wow, how odd for her to want to accentuate the worst part of her body–her upper thigh. So unflattering. I don’t mind the gold dress, though. It is sooo JLO.

  4. holly
    +12

    No. More. Leotards!

  5. Aria
    +3

    Is that supposed to be “Fozzie Bear” as in the Muppets? or was “Fosse Bear” intentional, as some cross between Bob Fosse and a bear?

    • Heather
      +11

      It was intentional, as a mix of Fosse and Fozzie Bear.

      • Helen
        +12

        It’s a BEAUTIFUL pun. I came back to the post section just to say that!

      • Anne B
        +2

        I read “Fosse Bear,” and my heart did a joyful little arabesque. <3

      • SueRob
        +3

        if there was an award for epic blog-punnery….Fosse Bear would be my runaway winner…snorted in the office (which went down a treat)

  6. M
    +3

    Are you guys gonna cover this year’s Eurovision? You are hilarious, so you should

  7. D.O.T - is a lot
    +2

    We love her totally:* She is a real posh diva<3 Those leafs could be a little less:*
    You are not Jenny from the block anymore:*

    http://dotisalot.blogspot.com/

  8. Miriam
    +5

    Bwahahahahahaha! Hysterical!

  9. Molly
    +1

    Have you guys missed the Eurovision Song Contest?? It was on this Sat the 18th, with loads of fantastic fabs and fugs :D
    http://www.eurovision.tv/page/timeline

    • Chris P
      +2

      oh lord I can’t.

      YESSSSSS.

      I’m still writing up my Eurovision recaps (so far, I’ve gotten second semis mostly done, and I’ve just got to go back and screencap because ROMANIA). This year was actually more sedate than usual.

      By this, I mean that one of the top three entries was carried in by a seven-foot-tall man and that STILL wasn’t the most insane thing of the evening. By a long shot. (Greece was in it to win it this year. But really, the crown should have gone to either Moldova or Romania.)

      Also, I’m still mad about Montenegro.

      Also, I’m mildly amused that a good chunk of the commentary is, “WHERE IS THE EUROVISION POST.” (Although I will admit I’ve been F-5′ing since this morning for it.)

    • Heather
      +3

      We haven’t missed it; we just don’t have the time yet!

  10. Carol
    +6

    She is turning into Cher.

    • Helen
      +5

      Cher does it SO much better.

      • Art Eclectic
        +3

        Yes, but us old people remember a time when we were all “Cher, honey, just put it away. Yawn.”

        Which she did for a while, then rolled back out twice as fabulous.

        • Anne B
          +6

          And Cher said unto J-Lo, ‘Thou shalt don thy peekaboo dresses and monochrome dance ensembles with care, and not set forth a ruckus upon the people.’

          This has been a reading from the second Letter of Cher to the MTV Video Awards. Thanks be to Cher.

          /consecrated hair flip

        •  Helen
          +1

          I’m pretty old, and I didn’t feel that way. I loved it when she strutted around in that illusion-thong leotard. She looked great!

  11. Chris P
    +3

    …can we get her citizenship to the UK?

    I ask because she seriously needs to be in Eurovision. Like, SERIOUSLY. This outfit was more insane than at least 90% of this year’s costumes, and possibly more insane than 100% of them.

  12. Jules
    +25

    As a 40 something woman who is trying to age gracefully, I’m getting really tired of Madge and JLo. I find it extremely sad and a bit offensive that they think the only way to maintain relevance and value is to remove pants from their wardrobes. I would think they would want to help set a new standard so that their daughters won’t have to run around with their asses hanging out all the time once they reach 30. Nicki Minaj didn’t do anything to help the cause last night either. Ya’ll please, somebody stop the insanity.

    • Jamie
      +11

      Seriously. I am so embarrassed for her, with her gross pool boy boyfriend, insipid dance music, and her non-pants. It’s just really uncomfortably to see someone wear all of her neuroses/insecurities so blatantly on her (tacky) sleeve.

  13. Nee S
    +1

    Eurovision was meh this year. There were some Greeks in kilts (loved!), a chick in a volcano gown, and a Romanian vampire, but otherwise *snooze*. Although my teen really did dig the oiled-up backup dancers with the Irish entrant.

    • Nee S
      +1

      ^^This was supposed to be a reply to Molly. *sigh*

      • Molly
        0

        How about Bonnie Tylers fake-80s-sleaze-rock-horror dress? ;)
        And that’s just the tip of the iceberg!

  14. Kristen
    +3

    Fosse Bear…totally going to steal that.

  15. Amy
    +6

    “Fosse Bear” is GENIUS

  16. Andrew S.
    +6

    your La Lopez is EVERYTHING

  17. Elle
    +16

    In the immortal words of Dolly Parton speaking of herself but now re J L : “It takes a lot of money to look this cheap.”

  18. Mary
    +12

    Don’t be fooled by the boot that she dropped
    She’s still, she’s still Jenny From The Block

  19.  Rosanna
    +3

    Everytime Heather say “hola lovers”, I burst into laughing. Thanks for this site, it’s making my mood better immediately!

  20. NCY
    +1

    I didn’t want to see the pictures (the thumbnail images were bad enough) but I had to click through to read all the comments on the side. As always, the Fug Girls delivered. Gracias!!

  21. gypsy
    +6

    “I went full Fosse Bear…” wins the internet. Inspired.

  22. LoriK
    +2

    Am I the only one with the theme from Super Chicken stuck in her head right now?

  23. Anne B
    +4

    “Lovers, my legs do not quit, but they make other things give up.”

    Heather, I adore you. :)

  24. HKS
    +2

    JLo is ridiculous, but I hope she never stops. Because the Hola Lovers posts are some of my favorite on the site. This was remarkable. Fosse Bear. Bootgate. Pelvistown. Awesome.

  25. c'moneverybody
    +2

    Just a suggestion: Don’t translate the silly in “this was just silly” as “tonto”. In spanish we don’t have that expression, you can go with Estúpido (stupid), Absurdo (absurdo), o Una mala idea (a bad idea). Also, as I think you don’t want to be rude or more direct, “esto no tiene ni pies ni cabeza” (this has no feet nor head) is a very common expression too.

  26. Esmae
    0

    Oh ladies.. I love reading La Lopez posts out loud with my best Latin accent. Hilarity. Loves it.