Author Archives: Jessica

Well Played, Miranda Lambert


Apparently, the Academy of Country Music Awards were last night, and while Miranda Lambert didn’t walk the red carpet — which isn’t surprising, given that this is her first post-divorce-announcement event — she did perform, and gave an award to Loretta Lynn:

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I think this is very smartly done. She doesn’t look depressed in the least, but nor has she gone full-on I’M SINGGGGGGLE!!!!!!! in a short skirt and and tight spangles and loads of boobs and a hastily-rendered haircut. (All of which would be understandable but perhaps not wise in one fell swoop.) She looks nice but not noteworthy, pretty but relaxed about it, appealing but not needy. And I just have one question: When is that break-up album coming out? Because you know it’s going to be good.

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Recent Fugs and Fabs: Nicky Hilton


It’s awkward when you’re not really a fan of a celebrity on a personal level, but you have to admit that they look pretty good when running around town. (She likes stripes and button-down shirts and so do I. I also would want to get married at the Orangerie and also I roll my eyes at Paris a lot. Are Nicky and I secretly the same person?) MODERN PROBLEMS.

[Photos: Fame/Flynet]

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Well Played, Amanda Seyfried in Valentino


Simply put, I love this dress, and I want it for myself:

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(And I am amused by the fact that she seems to have done her hair in the WTF It’s Humid I Give Up This Is FINE style.)  In fact, this dress is so basic yet so essentially flattering that I predict it’s going to be one that SO many celebs wear that Us Weekly is going to have to devote a full page to the Who Wore It Best? question in a month or two.  Personally, I’d plonk it on to both or either Emma (Watson and Stone, although, frankly, also Thompson), Carey Mulligan except I just remembered that she’s hugely pregnant right now, Uzo Aduba, and/or Cate Blanchett. At the least. Stylists, START YOUR ENGINES.

[Photo: Getty]

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Your Afternoon Downton Abbey


On the off chance you didn’t see the trailer for the final season of Downton Abbey, released a couple of days ago:

A) WHYYYYY  are you leaving me, Downton, although, also, it’s probably good that you’re going out before Julian Fellowes would be forced to either kill off Violet, or make her a vampire.

B) WHERE IS MATTHEW GOODE? If we don’t get Matthew Goode on Downton OR on The Good Wife, my rage will be palpable and I’ll be liable to…well, type really furiously into the internet. Really quite furiously!

C) I assume that every moment in which Poor Edith looks happy is immediately followed by (a) the building exploding, (b) the person at whom she is smiling dropping dead, (c) Nazis.

D) If Bates gets arrested again, I quit (hahahaha jk it’s too late to quit now).

E) As ever, we Americans are v. jealous of those of you who don’t have to wait until JANUARY to watch this; also as ever, thank you for not spoiling us for lo these many seasons. Never in my life have I been more spoiler-phobic than about this show. Wait, that’s a lie. For the last week before the final Harry Potter book came out, I only visited like two sites on the internet and one of them was this one, out of fear of getting spoiled. I literally raced through it because I had tickets for the Hollywood Bowl the day after it was published, and I knew that if I was in the Wine Line and someone in front of me was all, “I can’t believe Dumbledore actually was time-traveling Ron after all!!!!” it would have ruined my entire life. I would have been all:

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F) Time-traveling aside, all I know is, this season better be full of people making out, romantic declarations, villains being pushed down wells, and the discovery, at long last, of Lord G’s missing Gutenberg Bible. Let’s all cross our fingers.

PS: If you need to revisit our Downton recaps, they live here. To the Boot Room!

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THE ROYAL WE is $3.99 for Kindle!


Good news: The Royal We has been chosen as a Kindle Monthly Deal for September, which means it is only $3.99 right now, and until the end of the month. Read it for the first time! Get a e-book version so you don’t have to lug your beloved hard copy to and from your weekend home (I’m just assuming)! Gift it to a Kindle-owning friend! TREAT YO SELF, is what I am saying.

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Here’s the link for this excellent deal one more time. $3.99 is the price of a grande latte. But does a latte bring you a sweeping epic love and/or a charmingly devilish younger brother and/or take you inside a variety of palaces/British drinking establishments? If it does, please let me know where your Starbucks is located and I will buy a copy of the book for you myself.

Want more info on the book before you finally pull the trigger? Read on:

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Fug or Whatever: Ariana Grande in Moschino


In case this looks familiar to you, it’s because Katy Perry has already worn it.

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Technically, I think the styling is better on Ariana — I like the boots better than Katy’s heels, although I appreciate Katy’s earrings — but for whatever reason, Ariana looks more to me like a kid who’s forgotten to take off the over-sized tee shirt she sleeps in, while Katy looks…well, like Katy Perry. And, look, if 8th grade Sleepover Chic becomes a thing, and we all just start wearing giant shirts and baggy boxer shorts everywhere, at least humanity will be comfortable and perhaps eventually mildly less cranky.

Speaking of cranky, I read this week that Ariana is the second most-hated celebrity in America right now. Apparently, the only celebrity more loathed at the time of the poll — recent — than Ariana Grande is Bill Cosby. Talk about data to strike fear in the hearts of PR teams around the world. No wonder she didn’t go to the VMAs proper. That is not a bit of trivia you want to have to tackle on the red carpet.

[Photo: Getty]

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