Author Archives: Jessica

Fug or Fab the Trailer: CENTER STAGE: ON POINTE

As if we weren’t going to bring you the trailer for the new Center Stage movie:

All hail Peter Gallagher’s majestic brows. They are terrifically on trend. All I know is, I NEED MORE.  Does anyone awkwardly bring cookies to her hook-up’s place of work, post-bang? Does someone have bad feet? Who is currently the best gooddamn dancer in the American Ballet Academy? I have questions!


Fug or Fab the Olympics Uniform: The USA in Rio

As he did in Sochi, so has Ralph Lauren designed the USA’s opening and closing ceremony ensembles for the upcoming Rio Olympics. We haven’t seen the opening ceremony outfits yet, but let’s discuss the closing looks, shall we?

 Before we really get into this, we need to note that the upcoming summer Olympics means we will be getting a sequel to the 2012 Olympics Abs Post, which I fully believe is my most perfect work on this earth, and shall be projected into the sky at my funeral. I am SO EXCITED about the Olympics. I love them so much.

THAT SAID. I have notes. Lots of notes. For one thing, both of the dudes look vaguely like they just got off their shifts rowing your gondola. Second, even I, Noted Breton Stripe Lover, am concerned that everything about these is slightly….dorky? (Is it just that Lochte is inherently sort of doofy?) The shorts aren’t that flattering on anyone — and, if I may note again for the jury, THESE ARE OLYMPIC ATHLETICS, SO THEY ARE PERFECT OF FORM –  and they don’t seem to hit anyone at the right point on their hips/waist. And the patches! Why are they so big? Why does Ralph get to make his Polo logo SO HUGE? It’s not the Polo Ralph Lauren Games! (I also think, btw, that the Polo logo is too large on normal Polo gear; I actually like Polo, because I am an uptight prepster who owns shorts with tiny anchors on them, but I hate a huge logo.)  DIAL IT BACK, RALPH.

To make it up to you, though, do you want to see a transfixing Lochte in a white Speedo? I’m going to put it under the jump because…it’s….yeah. Let me tell you this: I am not a huge Lochte fan, and even I stared at it open-mouthed for like thirty-five minutes. I AM BUT ONE HETEROSEXUAL WOMAN:

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Met Gala Fugs and Fabs: Everyone Else

Take the Met Gala out of the oven, because it is done.

[Photos: Getty Images]


Met Gala Fugs and Fabs: Wearing White

It is to their credit that so few of these women look like brides.

[Photos: Getty]


Met Gala Fug or Fab: Lorde in Valentino

She is serving some 80s Jem and the Hologram Prom realness in this and I am here for it. Well, mostly. (While I’m here, you should read this piece in Vanity Fair with Karla Welch, who styled this look, about the thought that went into it. It’s fascinating.)

[Photos: Fame/Flynet]


Met Gala Fugs and Fabs: The Dudes



Royally Played: Queen Rania and Charlotte Casiraghi at the Met Gala

I could have saved these for Royals Round-Up on Friday, but….I didn’t want to.  I wanted to talk about them now!

So, we had two royals (or royals-adjacent; I know there are those of you who think Charlotte doesn’t count) at the Met Gala on Monday. First off, Queen Rania of Jordan attended in Valentino:

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

And Charlotte Casiraghi is wearing, of course, Gucci:


ARGH. I have a phobia of clowns and of birds, so you can imagine how quickly I’d like to move past BOTH of these looks. In the interest of fairness, though, I think Rania looks perfectly nice, if…somewhat terrifyingly avian. Charlotte, on the other hand, isn’t just being worn by this cracked out Gucci. She’s being dragged through the Met by it.

[Photos: Getty]