Author Archives: Heather

What the Fug: Rita Ora


Welcome, everyone, to Rita Ora as Ballet Maleficent.

Rita Ora

If she’s shooting ANTM right now, we’re in for one hell of a sartorially amusing season. If she’s not… well, she maybe should’ve let that gigantic cummerbund continue its previous life as an insulated grocery carry-all.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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Well Played: Michelle Obama in Christian Siriano


We have discussed at length whether to cover the clothes of the conventions, and in the end, we probably will deal with both — but at the end of the week, rolled into one post. (However, we must also reserve the right to change our minds about that, depending on what happens the rest of this week. You never know; emotions are running high.)

Anyway, regardless, Michelle Obama falls into our usual coverage map — as in, we already write about her regularly – so we decided not to wait on her. Especially because she showed up in Christian Siriano, which I like to think of as his cosmic reward for being so ready and willing and able in his career to embrace female forms of all kinds (most recently Leslie Jones’s).

Michelle Obama

And FLOTUS looked smashing, from the hair to the color of that dress to the shiny metallic shoes. A little soothing, a little sparkle. And frankly, the same qualities were present in her speech. I’m not trying to turn GFY into a political zone, because we all need a break from that. But I think it’s fair to say that Michelle gracefully tackled the election from a place of love and hope, not anger or fear, and for that I am profoundly grateful. It is a time when hope, globally, is in short supply. Whatever your political affiliation, my hope is that we don’t lose any more of it.

as for the piano picture…

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Fug the Cover: Natalie Portman on T Magazine


Several things about this cover gave me the giggles. The first is the expression on her face.

Natalie Portman

She looks DISGUSTED with us. All of us. This is the face of a woman who just watched someone burn a book and then eat the ashes on a gluten-only cracker covered in spray-can cheese. She knows you’re not standing up every hour and doing squats at your desk, and it revolts her. She sees you — your plain, fraying white underwear, your uncontoured face, your subscription to Seventeen that randomly started arriving one day and yet nobody believes you that you didn’t pay for it — and deems you wanting. So, as much as I understand people may respond to the spare, artsy effect of her eyes boring through you like a bitter drill, I personally do not want to read an article about this person who so clearly just saw me put potato chips on my sandwiches and LOATHES my excess.

But the thing is, you actually have to read the article. Because it is A Thing That Has Happened. It’s a string of self-conscious e-mails between Natalie Portman and Jonathan Safran Foer — ostensibly because they are old friends who’d fallen out of touch, but also because both have new projects to promote — that are so heavily considered and constructed, you imagine they tried every pose in the Typing Kama Sutra to impregnate them with Meaning. And… I mean, behold one of his, whipsawing between pretension and Oh Wait I Have A Job To Do:

“It’s almost 6:00 in the morning. The boys are still asleep. The guinea pigs are stirring, but that might be a residue of a nightmare. People often refer to aloneness or writer’s block as the two great challenges of being a novelist. In fact, the hardest part is having to care for guinea pigs.

Am I correct that A Tale of Love and Darkness is the first project that was entirely your own conception?

There is also a LONG lead-in about when garbage day is on his street, which is allegedly a feeder into a question about ritual, but which seems more like an exercise in vanity. And she asks him almost nothing, which is perhaps fair given that technically he is the interviewer here, but still. Most of her stuff is waxing poetic and then being like, “Oops, gotta go,” for some domestic reason. However, the most compelling reason to wade through it all is to appreciate the genius of The Millions’ parody that reimagines the exchange as between Natalie Portman and Cormac McCarthy. TREAT. YO. SELF.

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More Assorted Fugs and Fabs: The Rest of Comic-Con


Comic-Con itself looks like a crowded cluster of a nightmare to me, but BLESS ITS HEART for providing a full weekend’s worth of outfits in the dead of summer.

[Photos: Getty, Fame/Flynet]

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Fugs and Fabs: The “Spider-Man: Homecoming” Panel at Comic-Con


I’m excited for Zendaya, who plays a character called Michelle — per IMDb — in the new (again) Spider-Man reboot. The only other movie I remember her really being involved with was the TV flick about Aaliyah, and she pulled out/was detached from the project after fans complained that her skin was too light. This is a big chance for her, and I hope the script pitches her a fastball down the middle. (The rest of the cast is also interesting, including Emmy-nominee Bokeem Woodbine from Fargo, Michael Keaton, Hannibal Buress, Donald Glover, Martin Starr, and Selenis Leyva, in addition to the obligatory Iron Man cameo. I am not someone who needed the first set of Spider-Man movies, much less the second or third, but here’s hoping — for Zendaya’s sake at least — this one is the charm.)

[Photos: Getty]

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Fugs and Fabs: The Entertainment Weekly Comic-Con Bash


Have you ever been curious what it looks like when a clown and a pirate have an orgy? Well, wonder no more.

[Photos: Getty]

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Fugs and Fabs: The Suicide Squad Panel at Comic-Con


I saw this and cursed, “MONSE!!!!” I was right.

[Photos: Getty]

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