Author Archives: Heather

Met Gala Fug or Fab: Demi Lovato in Moschino


On one hand, this is striking and seems to mix a lot of hand-work with a printed fabric. So it’s on-theme, at least.

Demi Lovato

But I can’t escape the sensation that she’s dressed as what you’d see if you dropped acid and then toured Buckingham Palace.

[Photo: Getty]

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Met Gala Fug Carpet: Misty Copeland in Jason Wu


I would love for this to feel like a completed thought.

Misty Copeland

Instead, we get silvery tube on the top, and woeful hanky on the bottom. Misty deserves more. And we know Jason Wu can deliver it; maybe he’s just exhausted from pounding his head against the wall about Michelle Obama picking that rude Givenchy instead of calling him. I would be too.

[Photo: Getty]

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Met Gala Fug Carpet: Nicki Minaj in Moschino


In bookstores this fall: Nicki Minaj’s The Pilgrim’s Boot Fetish.

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It’s the triumphant, sexy tale of the romp between the original settlers and a time-traveling feminist who really has no f’ing patience for their varied flavors of bullshit, but in order to bring them down from the inside, she has to seduce them the way they like it best: with buckles.

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Jeremy Scott appears as himself. Because let’s face it, he probably IS going to turn out to be a time-master.

[Photos: Getty]

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Unfug It Up: Zoey Deutch in Dolce & Gabbana


I call this photo, “The Best Worst Position.”

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Because what a thing, to see that dress in action, but what an agony to have to plod up the stairs behind it. No matter what you’re wearing, you’re catching the tired fumes of people’s excited exhalations. I also feel like Zoey Deutch (daughter of Lea Thompson; to me, star of the late, lamented Ringer) has to be pondering how long she’s supposed to wait there before it’s universally accepted that Zoe Saldana has made it far enough up the stairs and/or can be safely passed on the left. They ARE wide enough to have a fast lane.

Let’s take a closer look at Zoey’s gown, which I ALMOST love.

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Met Gala WTF: Diane von Furstenberg


This is messing with my head.

Diane Von Furstenburg

I keep thinking I’ve accidentally fallen into her Snapchat. Maybe we can face-swap? Oh, wait… I can do that anyway.

[Photo: Getty]

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Met Gala Fug or Fab: FKA Twigs in Versace


From a distance, FKA Twigs’s head jewelry looks like an extremely fancy nasal cannula.

FKA Twigs

She has Resting Bored Face — this isn’t meant as an insult; we all have a resting face. Mine is Resting Mean Face, and I would happily trade her. But I think sometimes all the heavy eye makeup and adornments and such underline the Resting Bored Face. And then somehow it’s all I can see even though so much else is happening. Like, say, the elaborate back brace she’s employing. I don’t know. I don’t know. Wow, I just wrote that twice. Is my Outfit Fry really that bad already?

Here’s the thing: I want to find it cool, but part of me just thinks Donatella picked a dress she’d already made and threw a support garment over it that she bought on eBay.

let’s ogle her back tattoo instead

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Met Gala Well Played: Bee Shaffer in Alexander McQueen


I want Bee Shaffer to be awesome. Because here’s the thing: North West may need her. Like North, Bee has a mother — Anna Wintour — who is notorious and also powerful. And while Bee is ostensibly close with her mother, she doesn’t appear to be trying to coast on her coattails, or at least courting any fame beyond what you naturally get from being in New York social circles. North West may need a primer on how to avoid the fray. #SaveNorth.

Anyway:

Bee Shaffer in Alexander McQueen

This is just stunning. Every year Bee trots out something astonishing at the Met — it can’t hurt that the designers do not want to upset La Grande Dame by making a mug out of her child – and she wears it with quiet dignity and elegance, while many of the A-list invitees invitees glide around her like gluttons at the attention buffet. Which is totally their right; it’s what red carpet events are for, and Lord knows I don’t begrudge them the spotlight, because it brings out SO many outfits worth discussing. I just enjoy that amid all the pomp and circumstance from people who think they’re the center of attention, Bee Shaffer quietly steals the show.

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