Author Archives: Heather

Fug or Fab: Kim Kardashian in Sophie Theallet at the Time 100 Gala


We pretty much have to begin with this photo, because it is, to me, a treasure.

kim-kardashian-martha-stewart-time-100-470576208

Their facial expressions make me laugh so hard. NEITHER woman looks like she is succeeding at approximating a smile, Kim for possible cosmetic reasons, and Martha because the handcuff bracelets she’s wearing symbolize the way she’s unwillingly yoked to this photo opportunity. It seriously looks like instead of saying “cheese,” Kim Kardashian says, “Heeeyyyyyyyy!” And Martha is saying, “Martini. MARTINI.”

Let’s check out Kim’s gown:

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Fug or Fine: Julianne Moore at the Time 100 Gala


The angel on my shoulder is reminding me that I do love a cape, and this is certainly trying to be… cape-adjacent, at the very least.

julianne moore time 100 gala

The devil on my shoulder counters that tying a paper napkin around your neck could technically be described as “cape-adjacent” as well, and suggests this is shapeless enough that it’s little more than a high-fashion oil slick. They both have a point, but Shoulder Devil sounds more fun to take out for a cocktail, and that usually wins.

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[Photo: Getty]

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What the Fug: Emma Watson in Dior at the Time 100 Gala


It should be no surprise that the label that brought us Skirt Leg would also provide… whatever this is:

emma watson time 100

It’s like a demon hybrid of a back brace, her own Crouching Orange, Hidden Pantsand Emma Stone’s Lanvin rump cape – mixed, of course, with the infamous skirtaloons, first spied in the wild on Jennifer Lawrence. Dior has created a TA-DA moment for her groin, where usually no jazz hands nor fanfare is desired.

Yes, Emma Watson is giving this crotch curtain a better shot than most, but that doesn’t mean it’s a bulls-eye. Look at it from the side:

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Fug Kill: January Jones in Prabal Gurung


Have you ever seen that tremendous infomercial for Dump Cakes? It’s the one where the elderly lady takes four ingredients — including the piece de resistance, a can of Sprite — and chucks them all into a pan, without mixing, and then bakes and pronounces it a magical dessert (for a health-conscious option, she suggests DIET Sprite).

january jones good kill tribeca film festival

To me, this is the Dump Cakes of jumpsuits, like Prabal just threw the fabric together, declined to mix, and hoped it’d bake up a treat. I can’t decide if he overcooked or undercooked it, but the point is, I am NOT asking him for this recipe.

(I got the actual Dump Cakes cookbook for Christmas, as a joke, and let me tell you: LIES. Ninety-five percent of the recipes do involve measuring and mixing, which is the antithesis of everything for which that wonderfully bad infomercial stands. I OBJECT, DUMP CAKES. I WILL FIGHT YOUR WEB OF DECEIT.)

[Photo: Getty]

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Fugs and Fabs: Olivia Wilde at the Tribeca Film Festival


I thought maybe Olivia Wilde was a juror at the Tribeca Film Festival, but that doesn’t seem to be the case, so maybe she’s just REALLY itching to get out of the house.

[Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty]

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Fug the Show: The Royals recap, episode 6, “Arrows of Outrageous Fortune”


FIRE TED: still not fired. Joan Collins, still not here. Swimwear, by and large, provided by Elizabeth Hurley’s own design company, which… the less said the better, if we’re talking about anything Eleanor wore. All we really have here is a bow and arrow and a turban and the show’s sudden decision to swap out “future King of England” with “Crown Prince of England,” which… y’all totally didn’t fix the correct problem there (“Prince of Wales” terminology notwithstanding; the heir has to have that conferred upon him. Maybe Liam is going to get that for his next birthday?).

Anyway. COMMENCE BITCHING.

 

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