Author Archives: Heather

American Music Awards Fug or Fab: Taylor Swift in Michael Kors


Taylor won some kind of Dick Clark Award for General Stellarness, and she was very well-spoken and gracious, and that’s one of the reasons I can’t ever really get sick of her. She means well, she’s a hard worker, she can string two words together… If I had a daughter, she could do a lot worse than to look up to Swifty.

Taylor Swift 2014 American Music Awards

And Swifty could do a lot worse than this dress, but she could also do a lot better. And has. I almost prefer the Unitard of Doom to this, because at least that was sort of… pert. This is a beautiful color, but a snoozy design. I want to keep the skirt and send the rest back to Michael Kors with instructions that he should redo it or else receive a Singing Telegram from Heidi Klum in which he is ceremonially Auf’d.

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American Music Awards WTF ENOUGH ALREADY Tragical Carpet of Desperation: Bleona Qereti


Another music awards show, another outfit chiefly composed of mesh and an Ab Roller. Tell me this: Have you ever even heard of “singer” Bleona Qereti?

Bleona Qereti

Exactly.

and that is the Mildly Safe For Work version; this is not

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Fug the Show: The Good Wife, season 6, episode 9, “Sticky Content”


Someone crawls out of the basement, someone drops from the top, and Peter gets his knickers handed to him. So yeah, BIG DOINGS here on the Power Suit Rankings. But let’s begin with a beloved old friend.

21. Joe Jr.

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You might remember this strapping lad from While You Were Sleeping, as the neighbor of Sandra Bullock who constantly hits on her and then gets caught trying on her shoes. I thought you’d like to know he still gets paychecks. I personally demand a reunion.

Joe Jr. here is with the Chicago FBI. He opens the show by trying to convince Cary to turn on Lemond Bishop. He and Lana play Cary a tape of Bishop talking which is extremely choppy and drops out in parts, but with endearing phrases like  “He’s a white lawyer” and “He can’t just disappear” and “two to the back of the head,” and finally, “Okay, done, next week, make this end,” he posits that Lemond is planning to murder Cary. It is not an unreasonable assumption. But Cary is a loyal dude, so he refuses to believe the tape is real; the reason this play lands Joe Jr. in the Power Suit Ranking cellar is because a) his duds are a dud, and b) so, in the end, was his plan. Perhaps he SHOULD call Sandra (that movie was also set in Chicago, if I recall correctly), because she’d now have a WAY BETTER shoe closet in which he could frolic.

If you’re thinking Cary will be next, by the way, then that is your first whammy.

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Fug the Show: How To Get Away With Murder recap, season 1, episode 9, “Kill Me, Kill Me, Kill Me”


This episode is the fall finale, and yes, we find out who killed Sam — and yes, most of these screengrabs are terrible because it was all in murky lighting, and YES, there is an irritating over-reliance on replaying the bits and bobs we’ve already seen so that we’re SUPER clear where, say, Paris was, when Michaela was losing her engagement ring. The only piece they ignore is when the cop caught them lugging out the rug and Michaela smartened up and lied that Annalise’s mother had died. I’ve decided the writers regretted that piece and are pretending it didn’t happen (because it doesn’t mesh that well with Michaela falling apart again later, and also, that alibi is EASILY checked and they all would’ve been mad paranoid that Annalise would find out).

We begin in Annalise’s house, moments after she has told Sam that she ordered the DA to take DNA samples of all Lila’s teachers. Because for some reason the DA needs Annalise to suggest things to her, as if Annalise has done any actual good lawyering this whole season.

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I enjoy the giant knife block right in between them. Very symbolic, as they are severing their tie right now. This fight is NASTY and an extremely unpleasant and off-putting way to begin the episode, because it’s chock full of unlikable people saying unlikable things. Annalise accuses him of killing Lila, and Sam replies that he’s not a violent man — a statement he will prove untrue IN SPADES this hour. Annalise decides to make the murder of a young pregnant woman about her, roaring that she’s just “the black woman on his arm” that he used as “window dressing” so that “everyone” would “see” that he’s “so great” (I decided to turn this into a Zagat review; right now Annalise’s argument gets only two stars for being self-pitying). She implies their marriage was a fraud and that he was always a creep and she was a trophy, and then he replies that he knows she didn’t turn him in because she was covering her own ass, because she is “pathetic” and “weak” and “pretending to be strong (and also her “marinara sauce” was “lumpy” but the “garlic” “bread” was “flavorful”).

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Fug or Fab: Dakota Fanning in Saint Laurent


This is a toughie for me.

Dakota Fanning in Saint Laurent

This is EXTREMELY GOOP Lite to me, and I can’t decide if that’s good or bad. I’m not sure if Dakota Fanning ever actually sells the more adventurous stuff she wears, or is she just sort of allows it to be on her body and then waits until it goes away again. Does she ever seem at home in this stuff? Is she trying too hard? I mean, sure, I’d rather she tried than showed up in formal shorts and Birkenstocks, but after this many years I still think she is having to make the clothes work rather than making the clothes work for her.

So, I’m torn. This could be super edgy and fun that she’s swinging around in a cape, or the boots could be a step too far. OR, she could be at exactly the right age to pull off those suckers and is simply a soldier of time and place. Or none of it matters because WHY did this party decide a moldering heap of faded insulation was an attractive representation of snow? Is THAT why she looks terrified, or is she just scared of what we’re going to say about her armpit vents?

What ARE we going to say about her armpit vents?

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Well Played, Samira Wiley


I pretty much think Alexa Chung should have worn this instead to her Nailexa Chung launch.

Samira Wiley

It’s sleek and edgy and flattering, and in it, Samira ALSO looks tall — which she isn’t particularly, as I learned when I saw her at Fashion Week — so… well, look, I don’t want to pile regrets on top of Alexa Chungstocking down there. There’s nothing we can do. Let’s just rejoice and be glad that TV’s Poussey looks so vibrant and chic, and that a newbie is teaching the (comparative) old guard some tricks.

[Photo: Getty]

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