Author Archives: Heather

Fug the Show: Lindsay Lohan on “Watch What Happens Live”


Lindsay comes to an end on OWN this Sunday night with a two-hour finale that might liquefy whatever is left inside my skull. To promote it, she went on Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen, except apparently the “live” part was not entirely accurate, and said a lot of the types of things one says when one has done a reality show and the resulting portrayal of one’s personality is less than rewarding. Oh, and she also wore a crown:

AND A BRA. In fact, Andy Cohen asked her why she never wears one, and she shrugged that she thinks they’re uncomfortable, and then gestured to her demonstrably present black bra. I REALLY wish I trusted that she wore this outfit specifically as a nod to the Internet criticism she’s received for all that, but I don’t have a read on her self-awareness yet. She pointed it out almost like an afterthought, so if it was meticulously chosen, she forgot that awfully fast. Seriously, if I were on TV in that outfit — or at the grocery store in that outfit, or in my own home in that outfit — I would NEVER be able to forget it. In a bad way.

I MEAN. She looks like the No. 6 skater from one of those small nations that only ever sends, like, half of one figure skater to the Olympics. She’s totally auditioning for Reign, right? Anytime I see someone dressed as Coachella Attendee With Royal Aspirations, I think of that show.

She also does her Real Housewives style walk-with-motto, which she delivers as, “I’m done with mug shots and I’m ready for an Oscar.” She does at least laugh at this, thank God, but later she ALSO tells Andy that former Housewife Jill Zarin, who was fired in 2011, has a message for him — which is that Jill and Dina Lohan should do Real Housewives of New York together and bring up the ratings (their words). I KNEW IT. I KNEW Dina would have her eye on that prize. And that she would somehow try to wrangle Lindsay into giving people the idea. GROSS. STOP IT. To his credit, Andy looks and sounds terrified by that idea and only barely manages to cover it.

#SaveMatt was also present:

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Well Played, Brandy


And now, after that last monstrosity, here is your palate-cleanser:

Not sure I LOVE the shoes with it, but they’re not nude, so I won’t complain. The rest of it is ADORABLE. She apparently didn’t get the memo that wearing actual fabric is so 2009, and THANK GOD FOR THAT. Nobody should get that memo. Burn that memo. I HATE that memo.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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What the Fug: Maitland Ward


I know Maitland Ward from being on The Bold and The Beautiful a whopping 20 years ago, but she also apparently starred in Boy Meets World – which I never watched, because I chose my Savage, and it was Fred.  Many of you, however, will only know her as The High Priestess of Underboob And Chief Executive Crotchicer of No:

I feel like this is how another Exorcist sequel will start.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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Fug Men: January Jones


I have been staring at this for fifteen minutes and I can’t… well, I can’t:

Everything she’s wearing is black, and if I’m not mistaken, they are all slightly DIFFERENT depths of black. They are also different depths of hideous. The blazer is mildly whatever, the tunic that might think it’s a dress is problematically terrible, and the pants are hot sliced loaves of no. Does she do this stuff on purpose so that we’ll all talk about how amazing her face is? If so… she’s a genius, because I just did.

[Photo: Getty]

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Fugs and Fabs: Various Recent International Elle Covers


Because often these are more interesting than the U.S. ones.

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Fug and Fab The Covers: Marie Claire May 2014 “Fresh Faces” Issue


So, Marie Claire put Lupita Nyong’o, Elizabeth Olsen, Elle Fanning, Kate Mara, and Emilia Clarke on the cover this month; most of them get the royal treatment, but the last of those ladies should probably sue because her cover is AWFUL.

[Photos: Marie Claire]

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