Author Archives: Heather

People Magazine Awards Well Played: Mindy Kaling


Bless you, People, for doing the Lord’s work and making celebrities leave the house ONE LAST TIME before the slowest two weeks of the year.

Mindy Kaling at People Magazine Awards

If there is anyone I had expected to go bracelet or go home, it was Mindy, for some reason — maybe just because I know she likes Stuff and so I figured, as with so many of us, she would’ve stayed up really late shopping online over some Shiraz and then found herself with several boxes of accessories arriving that she didn’t totally remember ordering. Inside of many of which would be a bangle or three, or even the three Bangles.

HOWEVER: I don’t mind, because she wore that big ol’ ring, some awesome earrings, and a GREAT color with non-nude shoes. She looks like a complete fox. And as a bonus:

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People Magazine Awards Fug Carpet: Jessica White


Well, thank God.

Jessica White

It’s been a while since Jessica White popped up at something looking like your $1.99-per-minute Psychic Friend, and I was beginning to worry she had forgotten to foretell her own demise.

[Photo: Getty]

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Well Played, Ivanka Trump


The holidays are upon us, which means it’s going to get thin on the ground for a while. Fortunately, if we have to dig deep for boldface names to ogle, we could do a LOT worse than this one:

Ivanka Trump at GMA

By all accounts Ivanka is smart and classy and cool, and I have a huge wardrobe crush on her. That dress is simple but also beautiful, and her lipstick is perfect, and if that’s not a bracelet then it’s probably a watch — either way, it gives her wrist some interest. I just, as I type this, noticed that it might have a slight dropped waist with a flare, and while that is generally not my favorite thing, I just… I like this, and am grateful to her for trying to soothe and coddle me into Christmas week, so that I might not bungle all my holiday wrapping because I’m in a fit of pique over how transparency will not die. Also it reminds me that I need to go buy a box of Cadbury’s Roses (chocolates), always the first thing from under the tree that my family opens on Christmas morning. My dad taught me well.

[Photo: Splash]

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Fug the Cover: Nicole Kidman on Elle, January 2015


I like you, Elle. You’re a good magazine. Which is why it pains me to tell you this: Today you are a COVER of LIES:

ELLE-January-2015-Nicole-Kidman-Cover-Calvin-KIein

Nicole is NOT rocking those Dior shorts. And you should NOT try to rock them yourselves. They are hideous. Her abdomen looks like a Kentucky Fried Chicken bucket of yore, and the only rocking of them that ought to be done is burying them under one.

She also has treadmill hair. It’s crispy there, and it’s crispy here:

see what else she is

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Fug or Fab: Krysten Ritter in J. Mendel


The magpie in me wants to declare this a win immediately.

Krysten Ritter Big Eyes New York premiere

The lipstick is lovely with her skin, and of course, Shiny Gold Skirt rarely runs afoul with me. The whole thing is very eye-catching without appearing to arm-wrestle the spotlight away from Amy Adams. But, of course, the longer I look at it, the more I pick, pick, pick, like it’s one of those tiny pimples that won’t quite come to the surface. For instance, do the straps on the shoes come too close to the hem, in a Them’s Fighting Words kind of way? Where is the bracelet? And do we even like the bodice that much in close-up?

and thus we should SEE the close-up

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I Fug Radio: Rita Ora in Viktor & Rolf


This reminds me of that scene in Pretty Woman where  Julia Roberts drapes herself in nothing but a necktie and sits waiting for Richard Gere. Except replace “necktie” with “suit fabric remnant” and “Richard Gere” with “Santa.”

Rita Ora I Heart Radio Jingle Ball

I can just see her waiting in his sleigh, feet propped up, sipping a glass of bubbly. However: As ridiculous as that thing is, it DOES l0ok extremely comfortable AND forgiving of Holiday Cheese Consumption (of which mine will be storied), so I can’t say I’d kick it out of my house, either. Maybe it’ll be my new wine cardigan/Downton caftan/bathrobe.

[Photo: Getty]

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