Author Archives: Heather

Fug the Show: Scandal season 3 finale


I have to say, I think Scandal would be well-served to limit itself to fewer episodes EVERY season. Because, as rushed as it was to find ourselves on the doorstep of the presidential election — without even a word as to who Sally Langston’s running mate even is — I am glad we didn’t have four more episodes on top of these. It felt like a lot of water-treading as it was, the number of times Olivia would let out a shaky breath and realize that she does horrible things in service of horrible people who pretend they’re America’s heroes.

So, last week, we left off with Harrison being romanced by Adnan Salif’s pistol, Rowan Pope brutally stabbed and bleeding out all over Olivia’s office floor, Squick setting records for being the Foulest On-Screen Pairing in the Universe on account of how they make out like they’re horny cannibals, and Cyrus being willing to vaporize a bunch of innocent people — and Jon Tenney — just to make election night easier for him. We pick up with Fitz rehearsing his eulogy and Cyrus becoming increasingly agitated, because he has realized that maybe, just maybe, the karma police like to throw you in solitary with moldy bologna if you effectively mass-murder a Church full of people just so you can keep your fancy office.

Meanwhile, Mama Pope, one of the most wanted women in the WORLD, is standing outside the Church she plans to bomb — a Church crawling with Secret Service and other security personnel because the people inside are all government types — WITHOUT WEARING A DISGUISE or even sunglasses and a kicky but inappropriate hat. No, she’s just merrily chatting on the phone about how Fitz will show up, for sure, no problem, and they can blow that joint into holy smoke, while NOBODY NOTICES THAT THE TERRORIST WHO THEY KNOW WANTS TO KILL THE PRESIDENT IS STANDING THERE IN PLAIN SIGHT CLAD IN GLOWING GREY AMID A SEA OF MOURNING BLACK. COME ON.

This blurry shot of Jon Tenney is one of VERY few we get of him in this episode, which is a shame, because the show went to all that trouble to set up emotional stakes for him and Mellie and then just wiped that off like they’re a dry-erase board. I can’t remember at what point they decided to cut the order to 18 episodes from 22, but perhaps not with enough time for them to cut down their planned arc for him in a way that made sense, and as a consequence, he got left with nothing. ANYWAY: Jake Ballard interrupts just as Cyrus is about to confess to Fitz about the bomb, and more or less doesn’t point the finger at Cyrus, which was nice of him — or at least, any implications he makes seem not to concern Fitz in the slightest. Instead, they clear out the funeral.

And then, while they’re in the bunker, and Jake Ballard is swearing up and down that there REALLY IS a bomb and they will not end up looking foolish…

Read More

react:

Fugs and Fabs: Karolina Kurkova


Let’s see what a tall foxy supermodel has been doing to herself lately, because sometimes those are the people whose fashion blindness hurts most of all.

[Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty]

react:

Unfug It Up: Leighton Meester in Emporio Armani


Welcome back, Blair Waldorf. Stay awhile this time, will you? With both you AND S off the canvas (whither Boobs Legsly I ASK THEE)(just kidding, she’s finally shooting a movie)(but damn, that took a long time) there has been a void of crazy fuggery others have been filling with way too much stretchy nakedness.

At least this isn’t see-through. It is a cheap shift that ate some curtains and is currently regurgitating them, but it is a CHANGE, and I am so HAPPY to have something else about which to gnash my teeth. (She’s even wearing a BRACELET, although the shoes are a totally boring color choice here and so that’s probably a styling wash.) I mean, I actually like that bottom fabric, potentially, but why does it look like it’s been sewn into the other thing with dental floss? How would you ladies fix this? Would you even bother? PLEASE, talk it up, and rejoice and be glad that one of the options doesn’t have to be, “Line it.”

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

react:

Casual Saucyday: Lupita Nyong’o


It’s not so much “Everybody Looks Better In Sunglasses,” so much as, “Lupita Nyong’o Looks Just As Great In Sunglasses As Without.”

This might be the first time I’ve SEEN her dressed-down, and OF COURSE she’s pulling it off with mystery and panache. CAN SHE NOT SPARE SOME OF THE PANACHE?

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

react:

Casual Fuggerday: Jennifer Lopez


“HOLA LOVERS.”

“I am tired, lovers. I am chained to the Idol show again and nobody is talking about me because they want to giggle about Keith Suburban and Harry Blahnick Junior, and the fatigue, lovers, it is making me wilt. Even my poetry is crooked.  It is melting off of my bosom. I AM NOT ‘MOTH, ER.’ I DO NOT EAT CLOTHES AND THEN WATCH GEORGE CLOONEY WEAR MEDICAL CLOTHES. I am the mother of YES. REMEMBER.”

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

react:

Fug the “Cover”: Miley Cyrus on Seventeen


There has to be a secret story about this cover. Right?

Because that’s not a cover — it’s a “cover,” by which I mean, that’s just a photograph of Miley from a red-carpet event in February. Specifically, this one. And while her face and hair DO look perfectly nice here, it seems INCREDIBLY strange for Seventeen – supposedly one of the premier teen mags, and without even that much competition to worry about — to be slapping a Getty Images photo on its cover. Was it, in keeping with the “Freebie” theme, a money-savings? Is Seventeen too broke for a photo shoot? Is it lazy because it has no competition outside of Teen Vogue? Do we think Miley was scheduled to do one and then had to bail, for some mysterious reason? (This is the one I’m hoping for, because I like gossip.) Or is this happening all the time with Seventeen and I just didn’t notice because I am *cough, cough* a tiny wee bit out of its demographic? I mean, I could’ve dummied up this cover in ten minutes with Photoshop. This can’t bode well. Come on, Seventeen, pull it together. If the world can’t have Sassy or YM anymore, it needs you.

react: