America’s Next…I Don’t Even Know

I know at least one of you watched this happen on GMA this morning:

And can therefore explain to me why TyTy Baby is dressed like the cast of Newsies mashed up with Xanadu. All I know is, if this is her schtick for the next cycle of ANTM, I am EVEN MORE IN than usual.

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Comments (52):

  1. AP

    Beyond the…. what-have-you on her face? Why would you tuck a sweater into your pants? And oh, Tyra… your short isn’t even tucked in properly!

  2. AP

    … I meant shirt.

  3. Willow

    she realises there is a bird on her eyebrow right? I mean you can’t really not notice that sort of thing.

  4. Charlie
  5. aa

    What the holy hell?

  6. linda

    Thanks, Charlie. Although I went to the link I still don’t get it.

  7. Kate O

    No, no – she wrote a book! Possibly multiple books! And you can trust her, they’re going to be good – because to prepare for writing a book, she spent a lot of time in libraries. I’m not making that up, she totally said that. And you probably could have guessed, that sparkly thing is called a Smize. Seriously.

  8. Jessica

    Oh my god. OF COURSE IT IS.

  9. Willow

    so she has started The Order of the Winged Eyebrows?

    I cherish Tyra.

  10. linda

    product description from amazon:

    No one gets in without being asked. And with her untamable hair, large forehead, and gawky body, Tookie De La Crème isn’t expecting an invitation. Modelland—the exclusive, mysterious place on top of the mountain—never dares to make an appearance in her dreams.

    But someone has plans for Tookie. Before she can blink her mismatched eyes, Tookie finds herself in the very place every girl in the world obsesses about. And three unlikely girls have joined her.

    Only seven extraordinary young women become Intoxibellas each year. Famous. Worshipped. Magical. What happens to those who don’t make it? Well, no one really speaks of that. Some things are better left unsaid.

    Thrown into a world where she doesn’t seem to belong, Tookie glimpses a future that could be hers—if she survives the beastly Catwalk Corridor and terrifying Thigh-High Boot Camp. Or could it? Dark rumors like silken threads swirl around the question of why Tookie and her new friends were selected . . . and the shadows around Modelland hide sinister secrets.

    Are you ready? Modelland is waiting for you. . . .

  11. Jessica

    Well, I can’t ding her for wearing the cover of her book on her face. As SPOILED has makeup on the cover, I guess I am doing the same thing every time I put on lipstick., right? RIGHT? I just want to be like Tyra.

    I also am so reading that book.

  12. Willow

    Is it wrong to think that her book sounds genuinely good? A bit like Percy Jackson and the Lightening Thief gone Ru Paul…

  13. Minutiae

    Is Tyra on something? Because that book description is quite possibly the crackiest thing I have read in ages. Almost as cracky as that thing above her eye.

  14. Lina

    The high-waisted 80s jeans and skinny belt are killing my soul. We aren’t really going back there, are we?

    The rest…eh. Tyra’s whole life is basically marketing and she’s playing to her (wacky) strengths.

  15. lil mcgill

    Modell’s? Is Tookie going to the second-rate sporting goods store?

    That book will be great with a bottle of wine. Or three.

  16. vandalfan

    I so want to be an Intoxabella.
    “Dark rumors like silken threads swirl around the question of … ” Please please, please frommage this book, to keep me from spending any money to buy it and read it.

  17. Rayna


    I hope the Smizes available in bulk, or at least by the dozen.

    Yes, Jessica, PUHLEEEZE fromage Modelland for us! We’ll bring you a bag of Twizzlers.

  18. Dani Torrents

    Hah! Newsies

  19. Leone

    Tyra is so cracktastic.

  20. Leone

    I’m sure Tyra as author will do as well as Tyra the singer.

  21. marcia

    it sounds more like ANTM meets The Hunger Games….a catwalk to the death.

  22. Christina

    Tyra wrote a book?!?! Marcia-I was thinking the same thing! Jessica, you HAVE to fromage it!!!!

  23. Sarah

    Thank goodness for Hot Neville picks to cleanse my eye palette after looking at something like this!

  24. ellyn

    let’s not overlook the century 21 tie as well.

  25. Maretha2

    I am puzzled by every single thing Tyra is wearing in this picture. The Smize, the tie, the shirt, the vest (?), the jeans, the belt — well, at least the Smize doesn’t look it’s from the last century.

  26. AmandaD

    At Forever Young Adult, they tried reading a page of it. It’s hysterically nonsensical.

  27. jenny

    Bwahahahaha! It’s like Gaga on happy pills.

  28. Jamie

    WHAT in the WORLD would we do without Tyra? Pleeeeeeassssssee fromage this wonderful, terrible book.

  29. moi

    The first thought that popped into my head was, “OMG, she’s working for some brand new, cracked-out airline.”

    Not that the actual explanation makes any more sense.

  30. Sherri

    So…that’s Tyra’s interpretation of a…um…literary maven?

    “Oh Patrick, you old meanie! Why didn’t you tell me your aunt was literate? Books are awfully decorative, don’t you think?”

    (obligatory Auntie Mame reference. There’s one for every occasion.)

  31. hermann51

    She needs to go away. Girls at a Modelling Agency, AND IT ALSO has MAGIC!!! The best quote of the interview, is that she “thought it up all on her own. ” Harry Potter and Modelland.” She indicated that there would be three–count ‘em–three tomes in this venture. I can hardly wait to add these to my library.

  32. Mongerel

    My mother in law insists on being called “Tookie”
    this is not good you guys

  33. Katie Kat

    What the fuck is that on her brow?? I hate to be so blunt, but it is one-hundred million degrees with a thousand percent humidity here in the south, and I am a cranky pants. However, the question still begs: what the fuck is that on her head????

  34. Merrr

    Guys! We’ve all missed how Tyra has cleverly matched her eye thing (which looks suspiciously looks like one half of a bedazzled pilots wing…) to her tie *and* her belt! Seriously, props. Also, in summer heat, how the heck did she get that to stay on?

  35. Sajorina

    I’m dumbfounded! I… can’t.

  36. Susu Paris Chic

    All this yellow popping up.. oh la la!

    Susu Paris Chic

  37. Whaaaa?
  38. A.J.

    Must. Read. Modelland.

    And mixing Xanadu and Newsies is EPIC.

  39. Libby

    Tookie De La Crème.
    Seriously? That’s just toooo much. I think she’s started out with her idea of a “serious writer” look, but just couldn’t resist a bit o’ crazy on top.

  40. Christian

    I agree, Tookie De La Crème is honestly the worst character name I’ve ever heard. It sounds like a dessert. THIS dessert to be exact:

  41. Christian

    She probably had a dozen or so while “writing” this “literature”.

  42. eee


    OMG, I’m going to be laughing at this all day! The “smize” on her face! The “book” she’s “written!” Oh, the humanity! HA HA HA HA HA!

  43. AP

    I just read the excerpt…. Oh, what a steaming pile of crap. It might not even be bad enough to read all of!

  44. Kimberly

    “Tookie’s jealousy meter skyrocketed.” Oh Jesus, is this book real life?! If frommage-ing a book involves you reading it and relating the hilarity, then yes, please please do that.

    All that Smize makes me think of is when Harry asks Luna to Professor Slughorn’s Christmas party, and she says, “I see you dyed your eyebrow yellow. Should I dye mine yellow too?” If she had done that, this is what it would’ve looked like, because in the spirit of Christmas festiveness, Luna would totally bedazzle the shit out of her yellow eyebrow.

  45. Jennifer

    Didn’t Solange already wear that Smize thing?

  46. Merrr

    @ Whaaaa?

    Oh my god, that link! This is just ONE gem:

    “Tookie turned and nearly jumped out of her skin. Standing
    next to her was Theophilus Lovelaces. His eyes glistened in the
    LaDorno sun. He was seeing her, actually seeing her. His eyes
    focused right on hers. His words were meant for her. Tookie tried
    to smile, but she had a feeling her mouth made more of a grimace.”

    I think my favorite part is “he was seeing her, actually seeing her.” Just gold. GOLD.

  47. Kimberly


    … ISFKM? Theophilius Lovelaces?! I wonder where she could have come up with that name all by herself, completely unaided, on her own, and without any aid whatsoever from anybody else, XENOPHILIUS LOVEGOOD?? “If I change the good to lace, and add a plural, it will be a totally different name! And no one will EVER REALIZE the similarity!” She couldn’t even change the vowel sounds in Xeno and Theo.

    Just, wow. I think now I HAVE to read this. I always find adults writing fanfiction that sounds like it was written by seven-year-olds utterly charming! :D

  48. bam bam

    Did Kesha punch her in the eye?

  49. Tina

    My thoughts exactly @Kimberly. The first thing I thought when I saw her was she is dressed as The Snitch!!!

  50. vandalfan

    Whaaaa? Oh, Thank you, thank you, thank you for that link to the excerpt! This simply must be read by anyone with a few moments to use that they never want to get back.

    Tookie’s sister is named “Myrracle”. Yep.

  51. Mary Urech Stallings

    Even my husband noticed that weirdness.

  52. Bambi Anne Dear

    What a sorry excuse for a belt.