American Idol: The Fugly So Far

Hola lovers! Last time on Meeeeeeeee, it was all about my mini-me (she went home — adios, copycat!) and my mini-husband (he should go home — adios, smellycat!), and my mini-confusion about whether Fergus of the Black-Pie Knees or whatever is pregnant. This time, ay, lovers, so much. The serial killer was in the bottom! Some girl named Naima tried to fill the void in my soul by wearing bellbottoms! And MARC STILL WON’T GO HOME LOVERS I AM SERIOUS I AM GOING TO BUY A PLANE JUST TO PUT HIM IN IT DIOS MIO.”

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Comments (10):

  1. malie

    I never see Jennifer Lopez on screen but what I say “Hola, lovers” in my head.

  2. roser

    Every time Heather does Jennifer, I giggle like a schoolgirl. Hola, indeed. May it never end.

  3. alexd

    these make me laugh so hard.

  4. vandalfan

    I’ve never watched American Idol, but with these narrations it’s as if I’m there. Gracias and besos, Fug girls

  5. B

    I had this dream last night, where Jennifer Aniston was on American Idol and she was screeching about how she’s sorry but she thought the song was by Brandy and Jennifer Lopez was all ‘it was meeeeeeee’ and I thought ‘I wonder what the fug girls will say’ and actually that was only about an hour ago because I just woke up. Also, I’m not entirely sure it was a dream…somehow

  6. lauren


  7. Allison

    As soon as I saw her in that sparkly pink sweater I could not wait to see what you had to say. You make me laugh every time

  8. miwome

    Wait, wait, wait, you have time to comment on the fact that Kirsten Dunst was sitting around somewhere in the room, but we’re just going to gloss over STEVIE FREAKING WONDER SINGING HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO STEVEN TYLER IN A SONG AND DANCE EXTRAVAGANZA? It was like a scene from a musical teen movie produced by the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame! You don’t think Yeni del Bloque would have something to say about this?

    Also, the singer in Sugarland (or whatever they are) scares me. She makes such faces while she sings it takes the song out of “ilu” and into “stalker.”

  9. Sajorina

    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! This is precious!

  10. Jennifer

    I don’t know how you do it, Heather. You are a comedic genius. May you never lose your gift.


    Me, The Angel of Awesome
    (J. Co, not J. Lo)