American Music Awards Fug Everything: Taylor Swift


“Hey guys,

“Thanks so much for giving me this award for Serious Grown-Up Mature Boring Achievement. Now that I’m ‘dating’ Jake Gyllenhaal, I realize that I need to appear older and more sedate than my chronological age implies or it seems sort of creepy — or it would, if I were actually going out with him, which I am not, except for I wasn’t supposed to tell you that. Aren’t you glad it’s him and not John Mayer, though? Although I actually WAS hooking up with John Mayer and Jake and I are just going on hay rides for OK! photographers. And, um, we’re also in love. Yes, I forgot that part. Anyway. Yes, now I am an adult. A serious adult. A serious adult who dresses seriously and has an album out right now and is dating Jake Gyllenhaal and has put aside childlike things: 

“And put ON wigs and serious expressions.”

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