ALMA Awards Fug Carpet: Francia Raisa

I think I’ve mentioned here many times that I am obsessed with how terrible Secret Life of the American Teenager is. Look, I LOVE me some ABC Family, but the seventy-five seconds of that show that I catch every week at the end of my recordings of Switched at Birth are riveting terrible. By only watching the Previouslys, I am totally capable of keeping up with whatever is happening and it’s always ABSURD for a show about high school students. HARDLY ANY AMERICAN TEENAGERS BELIEVE THEIR DAD DIED IN A PLANE CRASH BECAUSE THEY HAD GREAT SEX (this was an actual plot point last season). Add that to the fact that everyone on that show sounds like a robot, and you have one riveting trainwreck (that apparently other people find seriously riveting, since it gets amazing ratings). ANYWAY: Francia Raisa here play the show’s resident Slutty Bad Girl, who was appropriately punished for her Slutty Crimes by getting pregnant and then losing the baby and then losing her boyfriend, who is kind of a wet blanket anyway. Why are there only like two dudes at that school? Why don’t any of them use condoms? Why?

All that being said, it feels apt that someone on a show people almost fully by wooden actors would show up somewhere wearing something better suited to hanging from a curtain rod.

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Comments (34):

  1. Anna

    This is weirdly prom-y, but wooden puns shouldn’t be used for the least wooden actress on the show!

  2. Shannon

    God, I love Switched at Birth.

  3. Molly

    I agree that those are some fabulous draperies. I imagine the rest of the room to be white upholstery, gold trimmed furnishings, lots of candlesticks, and possibly either a shag rug or a polar bear skin.

    It would also look out over the pool or the beach. Or both.

  4. Mongerel

    The dress is breathtaking and her makeup is very nice. But this seems more like an Oscars getup *comeplete with teeny tiara* than something you would wear to the NCLR ALMA Awards, whatever that is, at the local civic auditorium.

  5. zah

    i think it’s gorgeous.

    the show is horrendous…but i watched the marathon last weekend, couldn’t get off the couch. the acting is awful, there’s no way half the actors are even close to high-school age, and seriously – why is no one using condoms???

  6. sally

    I think it’s kinda pretty, but is it too big for her? And too old?

  7. Jane

    Switched at Birth is casually awesome, and Secret Life is casually awful, and I enjoy both of them IMMENSELY. Secret Life is just the worst and it makes me laugh out loud. Do you think that’s why it gets such great ratings? Because people like me record it to they can watch it in the middle of the night when they feel like mocking something and laugh and laugh and laugh??

  8. Kay

    I love the colour.

  9. Mary Urech Stallings

    Would love this dress to be lining my coffin in the, hopefully, not too near future.

  10. Dazie

    I would totally wear this. Especially if it came with a TURBAN. Seriously- I do like it quite a bit.

  11. Nina

    I love it. I think the fabric is beautiful and the color is lovely on her. I do think it’s a bit big in the shoulders, but other than that, it looks great.

    Secret Life is horrid. Why do they all talk so fast? It’s like they’re reading each other’s minds!

  12. Fuh Ugh

    Curtain rod in a Dynasty themed brothel – and how awesome would that be?!

  13. Karen

    I kind of like it. Kind of a lot.

  14. Libby

    This dress totally reminds me of the tacky “designer” dresses that were used to smuggle diamonds into the US in that “Head Over Heels” movie. I shouldn’t admit to having ever seen it, but y’all are admitting to watching Secret Life of the American Teenager, so….

  15. Kate

    I actually LOVE this dress. I don’t know if it’s appropriate for the event, but I have to disagree with the fug. I think she looks pretty amazing.

    (@Libby – I saw that movie this weekend. It’s hilariously awful, and those diamond-hiding dresses were horrid!)

  16. Kendra

    I feel like if you’re in a terrible show in the realm of SLAT, you should show up everywhere looking really cool and edgy but also normal – like oh hey she’s on that God-awful show, but look how cool and edgy but also normal she is. And you should have a slightly wry, amused expression on your face, like you’re aware of how God-awful your show is, but hey – you’re cool and edgy and also normal, and it pays the bills, and you’re hoping it will lead to something better, and until then – look at my awesome outfit and how totally different I am from my character, and enjoy the possibility that as a real person I might just be kind of cool and edgy but also normal. Basically, like Kat Graham is working her little butt off to define herself outside of the sometimes-pretty-bad-but-also-awesome-VD world as an edgy fashionista, who sometimes misses the edgy mark and lands in kooky-ville, but at least we’re talking about her as a person and clothes-wearer and not her as a member of VD.

    This outfit and expression is not that. In fact, this outfit looks exactly like something a performer on a cruise ship would wear, and her expression says “OOH A CAMERA!” and it all makes me terribly sad. /endrant

  17. vandalfan

    It belongs on Liza Minnelli, or the late great Elizabeth Taylor, with matching turban. This looks like a teenage girl emerging from a Tang bath and wrapped in the fanciest robe the spa has.

  18. Sally

    Shouldn’t this be on Joan Collins? (Looks like Dazie, FugUh, vandalfan and I are all on the same page: Joan, La Liz, turban, Dynasty brothel but not on a 23 yr old)

  19. Laura

    Secret Light is really, really bad. And for some reason I can’t stop watching! I don’t even watch other ABC Family shows! The acting is horrible and the plot lines are ridiculous! No one that I knew in H. S. was having sex and NOT drinking or doing drugs so the show is like this weird farce to me. Also, I did not grow up in the suburbs, so it is weirdly riveting to watch these white privileged kids parade around with their “problems.”

  20. KatieKat

    Switched at Birth is awesome, and I can’t wait for the next season!

    With that said, my 13 year old mocks Secret Life of the Slutty Teenager, because even she realizes how terrible it is, on EVERY LEVEL.

    I could go on for days about how awful that show is, but every one seems to have nailed the key points. Yay!

    I don’t even have anything to say about her ensemble. Except what vandalfan said about ‘tang bath’ is funny. And all the posts about turbans and Joan Collins/Liz Taylor etc are spot on!

  21. G
  22. witjunkie

    I think this would be passable if it weren’t quite SO blue. It’s flattering but the color takes it into Disney Princess territory.

  23. Noire

    @ Kendra: I sincerely love your comment.

  24. Lynnette

    Aside from being a little too big, I really think it’s kind of wonderful. You might be letting your feelings about the show color your perception. Look! Color! Structure! Sparkle! No visible pubis!

  25. AM

    I like it quite a bit in general terms. Very flattering color on her. Not sure of the event, so is it too formal–I don’t know. Maybe a little less “V,” either direction, but overall, good.

  26. nyouge

    @G, you beat me to it! It was the first thing I thought when I set eyes on the pic. I also ferreted out a link:

    “I saw it in the window and I just couldn’t resist!”

  27. OnTheCouch

    I think it’s a seriously gorgeous dress – on someone three times her age.

  28. Lina

    She is seriously getting worn by that dress. Stick Sharon Stone or Helen Mirren in it and we’ll talk.

  29. LibraryChick

    “But this seems more like an Oscars getup *comeplete with teeny tiara* than something you would wear to the NCLR ALMA Awards, whatever that is, at the local civic auditorium.”

    NCLR is the National Council of La Raza, the largest national Hispanic civil rights and advocacy organization in the United States. Maybe NCLR ALMA awards might not be a big deal to the previous commenter, but I would guess they are as meaningful to Latinos as the NAACP Image Awards are to the African-American community?

    I am not Latina, so I can’t speak for the community, but when I studied in Guadalajara (summer of 1999), I came to understand dressing up is a HUGE part of Latino culture. I saw folks at the bars wearing outfits nicer than what I wore to prom. Also, I learned that what some folks consider “dressing up” in Latino culture might not work in Anglo culture. Since this is not an Anglo-targeted event, I’m not sure if I need to adjust my usual fashion standards to include the represented culture, but I probably should to be fair. I am just imagining how I would feel as a half-Filipino if GFY always ripped on dresses with butterfly sleeves (see any pictures of Imelda Marcos in formal dress) as a fashion “don’t” even though that’s just a part of Filipino culture.

    Do I think Miss Raisa could have done better? Sure. Does it age her? Some. Do I think it’s horrible? No. I appreciate she is not squeezed into a little sausage dress like the ones I saw at the bars in 1999. I think a stronger turquoise, teal, or other jewel tone would have been better than the color she chose, but her color isn’t horrible. If I could compare this outfit to others from the same event, it probably wouldn’t be the best, but it probably wouldn’t be the worst either.

  30. LibraryChick

    Sorry I went off topic, but sometimes it’s hard for me to know someone’s tone online because I can’t judge body language or intonation. I honestly couldn’t tell if someone had meant to trivialize NCLR or not, and I hope the original commenter doesn’t get upset with me!

  31. Jules

    I like the Lawrence Welk color, and the strategically placed bling.
    The only thing lacking is a bigger star to fill it..

  32. Alison

    Are you kidding? This dress is gorgeous in every way!

  33. NYCGirl

    I wish it fit better and I could live without the slit, but I don’t think it’s fug.

  34. Donna

    I like this. On an older person I think it would be a cliche, but I like it with the romanesque hair.