ACMs Fug Carpet: The Band Perry

I’m sure these are very nice people, but I almost can’t focus on Kimberly Perry’s dishwater fountain of a gown, because I’m so distracted by the fact that she’s the week-old turkey in a vampire Monkee sandwich.

[Photos: Getty]

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Comments (28):

  1. Erin

    “..the week-old turkey in a vampire Monkee sandwich.” = Best thing I’ve read all week. Thank you for the giggle!

  2. Mockingbird

    For the rest of my life I will think “vampire Monkees” every time I see the brothers Perry. Thanks, I guess. :)

  3. Edith

    Seriously, “The Band Perry” is such a *terrible* band name; they’d be smart (and hilarious) to immediately change it to “Vampire Monkee Sandwich.”

  4. val.

    Please tell me the guy on the right is sporting a wig. That can’t be his real hair. Right?


  5. Shiitake

    The upkeep on being a Vampire Monkee would be prohibitive.

  6. Blanche

    Ahhhhhh. “the week-old turkey in a vampire Monkee sandwich.”
    THAT is what we pay you the big bucks for!

  7. Chicklet

    Seriously, I had no idea David Partridge was in a country band. The More You Know!

  8. Fuh Ugh

    She even wearing her Cullenz family crest wristband in picture #3! I take that as proof. After all, they are ‘brothers’ and ‘sister’…. Who is their Carlisle? I’m thinking it’s the undead Kenny Rogerz.

  9. LG

    Someone. Please. Make this be a thing.

  10. vandalfan

    Why are those hairy young men standing with Lorretta Swift?

    • JillB

      Do you mean Loretta “Hot Lips Hoolihan” Swit? but yeah, she looks like a young Loretta.

  11. Sajorina

    OMG, these three are awful! Except for her performance dress, I hate all of it! Those guys look ridiculous… Someone please take the hair straightening iron away from them! How can they expect me to take them seriously? FUG!!!

  12. Spacelamb

    Ugh, they all look awful, just terrible. Who are these people? They look very young, they have that ‘playing dress-ups’ look about them.

  13. yeahandalso

    before I knew who they were I saw their ads on ABC Family for Christmas and it was seriously like the winter Olympics of terrible hair. I couldn’t grasp my head around who or what they were simply because of the most awful dude hair in all of history

  14. ML

    Monkees? Oh, Fug Girls, I know Fug Madness was tiring but you two are pop culture-savvy enough to *know* that Perry Boy double-fuglies hair comes straight out of the Bay City Rollers playbook circa 1977. It’s just screaming “Tiger Beat Asks: Who’s YOUR Fave Rave?,” is it not?

    Now I want you each to go have a nice, cold Diet Coke and scarf down some salty snacks. Take in a few old episodes of “Dynasty.” Rewind the scenes where Alexis slaps someone. You’ve both earned it.

  15. Cait

    “if the Outsiders were styled by Scott Disick” is my favorite thing you have ever said, EVER.

  16. Erin

    I LOVE The Band Perry, and I’m glad my eyes don’t have to be assaulted by those head suits every time I listen to them. Did you see the red sequined dress Kimberly (the gal in the Monkee Vampire Sandwich) wore to one of the myriad country award shows within the past year? THAT should have been saved for the red carpet.

  17. Annie

    The Brothers Perry always dress like flamboyantly gay pirates. SHE is super-cute when she’s not dressing herself in cold cuts.

  18. Cranky Old Batt

    Vampire Monkee Sandwich sounds like a band that would play at Bottom of the Hill in SF.

  19. gryt

    Some day? Dude on the right’s children will fall over laughing that their dad used to look like this.

  20. Chris

    I love The Band Perry, but their clothes are something else. She has said in interviews that their mother is their stylist, so there you go…
    BTW, love the vampire Monkee comment!

    • ML

      “She has said in interviews that their mother is their stylist, so there you go…”

      Does their mother hate them? Or just good taste? ‘Cause from where I sit right now, it’s looking like a toss-up.

  21. Mongerel

    Would you please quit spamming every thread with your lame ad.