ACMs Fug Carpet: Martina McBride

Poor Martina. So brave.

Those look terribly itchy and enflamed, and yet she smiles, in deference to Rule No. 1: Never scratch your pustules on the red carpet.

Luckily for her, she found a cooling salve right before her big moment on-stage:

Yes, that’s right, two people got married on-stage while Captain von Train and Fraulein Martina sang at them. Which is fine, and all — apparently the couple has a sweet and sad story — but Martina is the one who invited them, and then she went and wore white to the wedding? On their big day? While standing essentially in front of the bride? Girl.

It’s a lovely toga and all, but perhaps the pustules would’ve been a kinder choice.

[Photos: Getty]

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Comments (31):

  1. Ladyblahblah

    So should we call the toga the Valtrex dress?

  2. Leah

    I thought the first dress was cute until I read this. You’re right, it does look exactly like the exercise-induced hives I suffered after elementary gym class.

  3. Paz

    How could you not comment that her inner calves are sunburnt? That happened to me whilst pregnant and I had propped my feet up in the sun.

  4. Megan

    See, in the picture where she’s singing, the dress looks like a light gray to me, so initially I gave it a pass. But then I saw the third picture, and…no.

  5. Shiitake

    Captain von Train…Lolz…Cannot stomach that fraud.

    Martina, your legs! No one would go out and pick up some Dermablend?

  6. Sandra

    The pink is a good idea gone awry. I mean the basic shape and color, not the hideous texture. Also, the positioning of the pink stripes is awkward and makes her look a lot blockier than she really is.

  7. vandalfan

    Seeing the first dress made me feel sad and sympathetic for her. But the bad taste of the white toga on such an occasion wiped that all away. Anyone who would do that deserves a dress made of impetigo.

  8. Bo

    I thought smallpox was eradicated.

  9. Lilibet

    Antipodeans will recognise this straight away – she’s wearing an Iced Vo Vo biscuit.

  10. deee

    The close up of this dress reminds me of the candy buttons on paper.

    Which also reminds me of the time during the dark ages when my brother and I sat in the back seat of the car and bickered incessantly over some candy buttons. My normally reserved father loudly requested the candy, rolled down the window and THREW THE CANDY OUT THE WINDOW. Our mouths were wide open as we watched the candy flutter past the back seat window. My brother and I were very quiet for the rest of the ride. Good times.

    • TaraMisu

      Yes exactly what I was thinking :D

      Luckily my brother hated candy dots, didn’t like the little bits of paper that stuck to them, so I had them all to myself.

  11. lisas

    …I love the pustules. I’m sorry.

  12. Bubba

    I too love the first dress. Maybe not on her (it washes her out), but imagine on someone like Zoe Saldana or Rosario Dawson? Cute!

  13. Bella

    I thought the dress was cute. Doesn’t look like pustules to me.

  14. anny

    Pustules that have been scratched: crustules, if you will. (Apologies to anyone who’s eating.)

    • Softwear

      I am eating. But it’s not you who needs to apologize. It’s whoever designed this awful, crustule-ridden dress.

  15. marykate

    I say calamine lotion on hives. She has needed a stylist for a mighty long time now.

  16. Chrissy

    She’s such a pretty lady but she often doesn’t look her best. In the first wedding photo I thought the dress was pale blue or mint green, which would have been okay, but yeah, white is inappropriate. The pustules thing was funny.

  17. Lily1214

    Agreed. Looks like chicken pox with calamine on them.

  18. Lily1214

    No. Not chicken pox. Poison oak.

  19. Sajorina

    Eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m so disgusted by the 1st dress, I want to send it to HELL, where it came from! YUCK!!! I’m gaging here… FUG FOR ETERNITY!!!

  20. Softwear


    Also, am I the only one who sees these shots and immediately wonders just how much vaseline they have to smear on the camera before her photo shoots? Maybe that’s mean. No wait, is it mean? I find her so irritating, I may not be the best judge.

  21. TonyG

    The first dress looks better upon zoom, especially the non-pink portion. But, even the pink portion, once you see these are, essentially, giant beading, don’t offend as much. The boxiness of the dress, however, does her no favors.

  22. Sylvia

    The dress could work on someone else, but maybe I’m stretching. The white to a wedding is always, always tacky. And frankly, I don’t think she looks great with dark hair. You’re a red head, own it girl. It’s sad, because she’s actually pretty and she has an amazing voice, but she just always underwhelms me. Get her a better stylist, and possibly better friends.

  23. Remi

    I was disagreeing and thinking that the first dress would be ok in another color, so I set about thinking of such a color.

    A whole rainbow later, I think I killed my own argument.

    I still like the idea, but the ‘pustules’ would just need to be different alltogether.

  24. about2laugh

    Crustules, pustules, whatever. I think she either forgot their was a wedding or remembered their was a wedding and wanted to blend into the decorations and flowers. Either way, Miss McBride can SANG.

    Also, it’s either Jane Lynch walking behind her in the picture where she’s wearing the white dress or Jane Lynch’s doppelganger.

  25. NYCGirl

    It would be pretty without the, um, “jewels.”

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