A Letter of Truth Britney Spears Fugtrospective


HI Y’ALL!

In the spirit of Christmas giving and sharing and loving and cheeseballs and mistletooties and Santa and New Year’s eve and New Year’s Eve and why aren’t I in that movie? You KNOW I can act, y’all SAW Crossroads.

What was I saying? Oh, right. Y’all, I thought it would be fun for all of us all to take a look back at some of the cracked-out shit I’ve worn in the last ten years. Even I don’t know what I was thinking but let’s just blame Justin for most of this right? Right. (Not really, Justin, you were the best thing that ever happened to me call me Jessica Biel is no me. Jessica Biel isn’t even Cameron Diaz, am I right? Y’all know I’m right. Yeah, yeah, I’m all engaged to whatshisname now and yeah, whatshisname is actually all nice and responsible and BLAH BLAH BLAH I STILL HAVE THE MATCHING DENIM OUTFITS IS WHAT I AM SAYING.)

HAPPY HOLIDAZE,

BRITNEY!

[Photos: Getty, Wenn, and Splash]

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Comments (59):

  1. Nancy
    0

    To quote Steve Jones of X Factor: “Wonderful, wonderful stuff!”

  2. TaraMisu
    0

    I’ve loved Brit-Brit’s music since she was a teen (there, I admitted it)…. but as a mom I just want hug her, tuck her in with a blanket and keep her safe. She’s always seemed so fragile and when she went through the “awful” it broke my heart.

    Anyhoodle… I’m glad she is on the road to recovery and this retrospective made me LMAO!

  3. Miranda
    0

    Lord, YOU GUYS, I went back and watched those music videos and oh my god, they HAPPENED. THE DANCE NUMBER IN THE GYM! OOPS I DID IT AGAIN IS ON MAARRRS!

    Thank you for this. Really. I need to go watch Center Stage now.

    • Anne B
      0

      I remember using the Will & Grace Dance Tutorial (from the episode where Grace & Jack walk slooowwly through the steps) to learn Britney’s moves in “Oops! I Did It Again”.

      The Nineties: good times.

  4. katybugjd
    0

    Kudos to you for not dragging her shaved head/attacking cars/lockdown days through the mud. I always thought she was adorable, albeit a bit misguided, and I sincerely felt bad when I first saw that picture of her holding her son and crying after she’d tripped on the sidewalk (she was in a nail salon I think?)

    Anyhow, I give you credit because most bloggers wouldn’t be that classy. Perhaps there is some good in the world after all :)

    • rvc
      0

      Reminds me of when Craig Ferguson said he would never make fun of Britney because he understood she had genuine issues (that he could relate with, given his past). But yeah, classy move guys.
      Not that that’s unexpected of you. :) Happy New Year y’all!

  5. na
    0

    These pictures made me absolutely exhausted. She’s lived like 9 lifetimes already. I hope she can relax now.

  6. Winnie
    0

    Wow, I forgot how sweet and pretty Britney was when she first came out. Seriously, why did she get all that flack for the glitter bodysuit back in the day? It’s downright demure in comparison to Katy Perry and Lady Gaga. It really is good to see her looking happy and healthy now.

  7. yeahandalso
    0

    I think it is funny how the first two pictures are the only ones where she has her natural hair color. It is so much more flattering on her than bleach colored hair.

    Also, I sorta just wish she would retire to Louisiana and run a dance studio and just be happy and relax.

  8. Stefanie
    0

    Oh my! This is the 2nd best Christmas present I got this year! That picture of TRL is PRICELESS. I literally felt all the bad decisions I made as a teen come rushing back. (Including but not limited to owning a Limp Bizkit CD….)

    I love Brit Brit and all I want is for her to be happy.

  9. The Other Molly
    0

    I don’t think any of them bother me as much as the first one.
    The sexy schoolgirl thing just reeks of pedophile appeal.

  10. Anne B
    0

    Britney Holiday Thoughts!

    1) Your Britney Voice is bomb, Jessica.
    2) The all-denim-matchy photo of Brit and JT makes me yearn for those innocent days when a bleached-denim formal was just the thing.
    3) I think that Paris Hilton is Patient X for the working girl’s sudden descent into hell. I am surprised we haven’t thrown that loser in the pokey yet.
    4) In his Early Hat Shots, K-Fed reminds me uncomfortably of the Kutcher.
    5) I like Federline now and everything, but we should have seen it coming.
    6) I was no Britney fan in her heyday (“I’m A Slave For U” might have sealed that for me), but now I wish her all the best.
    7) Seriously, y’all! ALL THE BEST.

  11. Danni
    0

    Ah-mazing.

  12. Nicole
    0

    I don’t think everyone had a stylist about 10 years ago, but what the hell is her excuse in the last few years? Doesn’t anyone have the balls to say ‘Umm, Brit, you might want to rethink that outfit’?? Such a beautiful girl with so many issues, but her WARDROBE ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT NEED TO BE ONE OF THEM. Get Rachel Zoe (even though I find her beyond annoying), but please, PLEASE, somebody get that woman a stylist with a backbone and a little class. Think of all the red carpet events that she could have made the best dressed lists without even trying that hard! She’s gorg, no problems with that bod of hers….throw her in a pretty gown and presto! I find it very sad for her, and for some reason on the same level, I am highly annoyed with her for not realizing this!!

    • rvc
      0

      Yeah her present-day wardrobe is frustrating. I mean,
      1. mental health/happiness – check.
      2.career back on track – check.
      3. cute kids – check.
      4. non-psycho ex – check.
      5. (presumably) sane, responsible, caring fiance (who is also kinda hot) – check.
      6. fans who aren’t in love with your music but still want nothing but the best for you – check.
      7. WARDROBE – facepalm.

  13. Ms. Chanandler Bong
    0

    “Toxic” Britney and “I’m a Slave for You” Britney were the best. Such shiny hair and fierce abs! if I’d had a Tivo during the MTV Video music awards with the snake and hip scarves, it would STILL be on there!

  14. Emily
    0

    This girl has gone through the wringer and is still so young. Plus, she’s a mom of two sweet little guys, so I’m just glad to see her alive and healthy-looking. Oh, and also I enjoy looking at her old outfits — seriously, how is the Baby One More Time video SEXIER than all-naked-all-the-time GaGa or Katy Perry? Hotness.

  15. Annie E
    0

    This slideshow is so awesome, but it is also making me worry that I might have worn similarly cracked out things back then.

    • sunsetsnow81
      0

      I did and the photos will never see the light of day. Half tops and super low jeans…never again!

  16. marcia
    0

    katybugjd said, “Kudos to you for not dragging her shaved head/attacking cars/lockdown days through the mud. ”

    And I totally agree, and isn’t it time to take LiLo off fug madness for the same reason? I know I harp on this, if you read my messages. But, really.

    • Toxxic
      0

      You’re really comparing what Britney went through due to a mental illness to LiLo’s selfish drug/alcohol fueld antics? LiLo’s problems could have been over 3-4 years ago if she’d just done what she was ordered to at the time? I have very little sympathy for her.

      • melanie
        0

        You don’t think LiLo is mentally is as well? That drug and alcohol addictions aren’t a form of mental illness? That she hasn’t also been messed up by her dysfunctional childhood and parents?

      • Toxxic
        0

        I don’t think the two are comparable, no. There comes a time when you have to get past the ‘bad childhood, poor me’ stuff and accept that she’s been responsible for her own actions for a long time. I honestly don’t know why i have less sympathy for LiLo.

      • Anne B
        0

        I do think both have to be going on, in LiLo’s case. We’re built to learn as time passes, but this doesn’t seem to be happening with her, and I think that’s why.

        But I’m not a doctor, and I think I’d have to be one (and working with her) to say for sure this is what’s going on. I do wish that people would get paid NOT to take photos of her, for once.

        The basics on dual diagnosis: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dual_diagnosis

    • rvc
      0

      While I agree that LiLo obviously needs HELP, and I sincerely wish the paps would stop hounding her, it does seem like she has repeatedly thrown away the multiple free-passes she has received. She really has to own herself now.
      (Who knows how Britney would have turned out had she been Dina Lohan’s daughter. )

  17. street chandeliers
    0

    wow, she’s like 9 different people!
    http://www.streetchandeliers.blogspot.com

  18. Sajorina
    0

    Ahahahaha!!!!! THAT is some serious FUG… If I could tell her one thing it would be ” Denim & Leather are not your friends, Britney!” I actually liked the lacy dresses, but I’m a sucker for lace!

  19. Megan
    0

    Wow she was so very cute! But never had and will never have (with out a stylist) style
    But I wish her all the best!!

  20. elz
    0

    Brit is still the Shiz. You missed her white Grammy dress the first year, that was actually pretty classy, given the rest of her outfits. BTW, The woman ROCKS in concert. Seriously awesome.

  21. Lori
    0

    How does she make her boobs go big and small from year to year?

    • melanie
      0

      Weight fluctuations, working out more at certain periods and thereby changing her body’s fat to muscle ratio, push up bras, outfits that make one’s breasts appear larger or smaller, etc.

  22. Jennifer
    0

    I don’t care if she’s cuckoo for cocoa puffs or walks barefoot in gas station bathrooms, I will always have a soft spot for her. Well done, Fug Girls!

  23. Mahastee
    0

    Remember the brief moment after her divorce when we thought everything would get better for her, and then it was strange because she was hanging out with Paris, and PARIS was the classy one? I feel like Britney is a cautionary tale for all kids and stage parents who buy into the dream of stardom. I don’t envy her, or any of her Disney peers, at all.

    Anyway, I would just like to see her comfortable in her own skin and being a happy Mum, no matter what her career is or isn’t up to, y’know?

  24. The Other Molly
    0

    Britney has done her dance with drugs and alcohol.
    She’s been in several rehabs because of that.
    Her problems did not all stem from mental illness.
    And I agree with Melanie, I think addiction is often a by-product of mental illness.

  25. Cold Cup of Fug
    0

    I remember being so insanely jealous of her body, that toned torso spawned a million ill advised midriff baring tops. I will never understand her obsession with calf choking boots. You can just see the light finally go out of her eyes as the slideshow progresses, sad stuff.

  26. Dakota
    0

    Slow clap. Where do we nominate this for some (several?) writing award?

    Also: nice timing of the insane ab years, just in time for New Years Resolutions!!

  27. vandalfan
    0

    She makes me sad, like Lilo. Both had their childhoods sold by their parents to the highest bidder, were robbed of normal maturing experiences far from the public’s prying eyes, and it has left them broken and unable to function as normal adults. Like Michael Jackson, the saddest story of all.

  28. ErikaM
    0

    Thank you for this! I’ve loved Britney since the beginning! Although I liked Christina more in high school, I was/am a fan of both. I don’t remember her dressing so horribly. Must have erased it form my memory, haha. Please do one for Christina! This gives me good memories of the late 90′s/early 2000′s. I got a belly piercing once I turned 18 because of Britney. I used to feel soo cool showing it off in my midriff tops. I hope that trend never comes back.

    • Christian
      0

      Oooh YES, please do one for Xtina!!! Or Mariah Carey, though I’m not sure how much writing you can wring out of endless belly-shirts and skin tight clothing (even today…though I will always love Mariah).

  29. lori
    0

    I think slides 24 and 25 should be reversed.

  30. melanie
    0

    @Toxxic I think Britney has always seemed to have a sweet and naive aura about her, and it’s been easy to see her as someone who maybe got in over her head with the insane fame thing, whereas LiLo seems less so, and perhaps that’s why it’s easier to feel sympathy for Britney.
    I also believe that at some point Britney’s father stepped in and became her custodian, and really put her on a short leash. Which is also sad to me, though I can understand why he did it, but I remember a Rolling Stone interview shortly after things calmed down for her, where she seemed to lament the fact that every part of her day was planned by someone else.
    I don’t think LiLo has had someone do that, other than maybe the court system, but even that’s seemed sort of half-assed. Instead she seems to have two nutjob parents who are still totally self-involved and trying to profit off of her.
    I also suspect that perhaps her having two little boys that she loves helped provide Britney with the motivation to get some much-needed help, or to allow her family to help her.

    • Anne B
      0

      I remember the article that came out when things were really dark for her. One of the most riveting pieces on celebrity culture I’ve ever read: http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/the-tragedy-of-britney-spears-rolling-stones-2008-cover-story-20110329

      How far we’ve come, y’all. (xoxoxo, Brit.)

      • Jessica
        0

        I think — and I say this as someone who had real affection for Lindsay — Lilo comes across as a spoiled, petulant brat who never ever takes responsibly for her actions. (“I can’t come to my DUI hearing because I went to Cannes instead and someone stole my passport!” “The coke in the pants I was wearing wasn’t my coke, THEY WERE SOMEONE ELSE’S PANTS” and, the piece de resistance, the time she claimed the car SHE stole was in fact stolen by “some black kid.”) Britney made her share of mistakes, but she never tried to blame them on strangers. I also think she was helped by the fact that she is much better about shutting up than Lindsay is. Lindsay is always talking about how people don’t understand her, about how stuff isn’t her fault, about how she’s going to win an Oscar, about how nothing is wrong with her, and while that may all be happening because she has two rotten parents and mental/addiction issues, it doesn’t help her from the standpoint of public sympathy.

        No one would like Lilo to make a triumphant comeback more than I would, however.

  31. marie
    0

    more of this please..and yes, Britney will always hold a soft spot in my heart..

  32. Megan
    0

    How tiny does Christina look in that photo!!!

  33. Alena
    0

    I have a soft spot in my heart for Britney…. always have, always will. Thanks so much for not mocking her during the shaved head phase. I always felt bad for her about that.

    I’m thrilled though that you included the infamous denim outfits Britney and Justin sported. They must be cringing over that one now!

  34. Amanda
    0

    She has a good body now. But, at one time, she had the greatest body of all the great bodies….. ever. I don’t think anyone could ever top her with that.

  35. lc
    0

    Why I have more sympathy for Britney vs Lilo. B’s emotional rollercoaster always seemed to be directed inward, Lilo on the otherhand seems to come from a place of anger at everyone else and has a meanness at it’s base that Britney never had. Wish them both a happy 2012.

  36. Alicey
    0

    I think every one of those outfits, even the PVC THING, would be infintely classier if she knew how to stand with her legs closed. But I’m just so glad that she’s not doing that nauseating open-mouth-smile-revealing-her-chewing-gum thing, because that’s all I can ever think of when I think of her.

    I’m now terrified because she had a super hot bod and it seems to stop post-kids. I do NOT have a super hot bod and I’m pregnant, so thanks Fug Girls for scaring the bejesus out of me. Someone tell me it was drugs and booze, not babies. Right?

  37. Alicey
    0

    P.S: I love GFY readers. Nowhere else on the internet could you see a Cracked Out Celebrity vs Cracked Out Celebrity debate that doesn’t turn into a Youtube-style “OMG U R A N00B LiLo iz sooooo much better fcccuk u ur gay i h8 u”. Way to keep it classy, ladies :)

  38. Sarah
    +1

    Oh dear, what a puritanical streak a lot of people seem to exhibit about addiction (LiLo could just stop taking drugs-right?!) Kudos to Britney for getting things back on track despite her media scrutinized adolecence and obviously significant (and uncurable, though perhaps managble) mental health problems. As for LiLo, again all the early scrutiny, plus being raised by a mother who regards her as a blank check & thinks its ok to take your underage daughter to watch her sister’s soft core shoot cant be easy. Addicts (and severly mentally ill people) are not often very ‘likeable’ while their in the grip of their illness, but I expects that if Lindsay ODs tomorrow the media feeding frenzy will suddenly make her a victim, instead of a sinner (see Amy Winehouse.)
    On a more cheery note, my respect for leaving her meltdown out of things.
    And I’d not noticed at the time how truely whacked out 90′s fashion was!

  39. electric
    0

    this collection of photos is triumphant. Britney has such a beautiful face.