Congrats to the winners of this week’s Freaky Fug Friday! Enjoy your copies 0f Sophie Flack’s Bunheads, guys – and check your email for deets.
I and I: My Bad Romance
Act IV: Lady Gaga has finally seduced and wed her alter ego Jo Calderone in the ultimate act of self-acceptance. It’s the wedding night, and the newlyweds are about to make love on a polar bear skin rug. She will be Mrs. Cunningham to his Arthur Fonzarelli.
2) Kara K
The Ladying Gaga
In a forgotten Tchaikovsky ballet, an evil fairy (Tyra of Banksia) in a fit of jealousy curses sweet baby Stefani: one day, she would prick her finger on a needle and hence be Lady Gaga of Fugly Clothes And No Bras. For a hundred fashion cycles!
In a climactic scene, Gaga performs, “Just Dance,” a chilling solo during which she turns vaguely greenish with envy for girls who wear bras. Only Prince Alexander Skarsgård’s kiss can cure her! If he isn’t an evil vampire!
It is not one of Tchaikovsky’s best.
This outfit would appear during the moving piece “Overcome.” This is when Gaga will realize that she has completely lost herself to the various alter-egos she has created and will never be seen in her natural form again. Of course, this will all take place inside her head, so every single one of her alter-egos will make an appearance and “posses” her for a brief period. This outfit represents “base-Gaga,” who, after pouring all her creative energy into her myriad of characters/monsters is left empty when she’s not playing one of them (thus the reasoning behind the translucent shirt…it is translucent like her SOUL).
The Magic Spectacles
This tragic ballet tells the story of a young woman who discovers a pair of magic spectacles that make anyone who wears them believe that her outfit is appropriate for the occasion at hand.
In this wedding scene, Gaga, still wearing the Magic Spectacles and carrying (as a gift) the pinkish pelts of some animals she slaughtered for her Meat Dress, enters the church and dances in heartbroken agony as her true love marries a sensible woman who shops at TJ Maxx.
The scene opens at a theater, forty years from now… A gaggle of young ballerinas burst into the costume room, laughing and congratulating themselves. In the corner and old woman, a seamstress, works on a swan costume of pleather, diet Coke cans, and turquoise hair. “Girls,” the seamstress interrupts, “you will never be true dancers unless you learn to use the pelvis. Delve into your vaginas, fake a five o’clock shadow, always expose at least one nipple. Then you will be artists!” “What?” says the tallest girl. “I used to be famous,” the old woman whispers. “I used to be a dancer…” PANTSLESS PRODUCTIONS PROUDLY PRESENTS: MEMOIRS OF A GAGA.