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(1) SWINTON vs. (9) LILY ALLEN

Thank God SWINTON ran over those press hog upstarts Speidi. I don’t want to live in a world where the Splendid SWINTON loses ANYTHING to Spencer Pratt, even if it is a contest about who is more fugly. In fact, I have decided that SWINTON’s win in that battle simply meant that you all love her as we do, and need to celebrate her wackitude more fully. Well, behold:

59th Berlin Film Festival - 'Cheri' Premiere
YES.


That hat is the shit. I think it’s still alive. Also alive? SWINTON’s archives. I’m not kidding. Something on there WILL swarm out of your laptop and worm its way into your ear, only to pop out in your dreams tonight.

On the other hand, I’ve had nightmares about this:

Lily Allen wears suspenders to nightclub

That being said, I’ll take it over this unfortunate overalls mess any day.  Or this one, which is just kind of depressing. Or this crotchactular drama. ANY DAY. Well. Maybe not any day. Some days.


(5) BEYONCE vs. (4) SCARLETT JOHANSSON

2008 American Music Awards - Show

YES. Anyone who uses her ponytail in her choreography is okay by me. Less okay? Bey’s Ming Vase Oscar gown. Or…oh my god, you have no idea how long this entry would be if I enumerated all the crazy stuff Ms Knowles has worn this year — ROBOT HAND — so I just direct you to her VERY EXTENSIVE archives. Can I repeat, ROBOT HAND?

If only ScarJo would wear a robot hand. I feel that it would improve this, for example:

Celebrities Attend The Spirit Photocall

SNORE.