Fug Madness 2009, Round 2: Madonna Bracket


Moonwalking was always Janet’s brother Michael’s signature move. But I will never forget the giddiness I felt when I saw that Janet apparently has the wardrobe to go for an afternoon stroll on the ACTUAL moon.

[Photo: WENN.com]

She’d be a magnificent choice of celebrity for us to shoot into unknown star systems — she’ll fit RIGHT IN with our alien overlords.

Janet didn’t stop with this, though. Oh no. There is more:

[Photo: WENN.com]

Here, she is bidding her audience farewell, as she’s forsaken her singing career for a gig running Mars’s first Long John Silver’s franchise. Given her prior experience hostessing at a sushi emporium, I’m certain she’ll excel.

Janet’s opponent, Bai Ling, is no stranger to showmanship herself:

I wish they’d turn this into one of those faceless cardboard cutouts at the State Fair where you can stick your head through the hole and take a photo of yourself wearing this outfit.

Typical Bai. We all know what she’s capable of — I mean, in the last year, we’ve seen her wear everything from lopsided ball gowns to cocktail dresses with giant knee-bows to see-through yellow disco-ball frocks. But I didn’t know she was into CREATING, as well:


It seems Bai made this shirt herself in honor of this past summer’s Beijing Olympic games. We’re sure the host country profoundly appreciated a tribute made of old Hanes, a red sharpie, and some hair elastics. I know I do. Still, for someone whom I wouldn’t be entirely surprised to learn came from another planet, she’s never veered into spacesuit territory. Too few opportunities for boob exposure, methinks — plus, in this economy, how could our favorite questionably employed sprite afford all the fabric?


To borrow from that saucy minstrel Billy Joel, famed lover of uptown girls, Christina Aguilera has a way about her; I don’t know what it is, but I know that I can’t live without her.

There is probably not really anything wrong with this. On anyone else, maybe I wouldn’t even have noticed it. But this is Christina Aguilera we’re talking about, so her severe hair and makeup combo — I guess one way to shut up your pores is to suffocate them into an early death — find a way to camp up and maybe even tramp up any dress in the world. This girl does not understand the concept of moderation, which sometimes I love, but not when it looks like she stole someone’s prom dress.

She even stepped out in a semi-skankified version of a jumpsuit Carrie Underwood wore on stage:

The recipe for making me prefer a jumpsuit — a JUMPSUIT — to what you’re wearing: Just add to your high-waisted pants a fedora, a sawn-off jacket, and a bra that resembles the top half of an empathy belly. Voila!

And then there’s Gwyneth, who probably just got hives from the simple mention of her name in the same entry as C.Ag’s:


I suspect this is very appealing indeed, if you are a robot or some sort of android. For me, the grey tights, silver shoes, and skirt fringe that looks like she got caught in a pile of Christmas-tree tinsel are all overkill. Although I’m sure Mr. Rogers, were he alive today (RIP, friend), would cherish her efforts to coordinate one of his stuffy cardigans with her legs.

When she’s not busy trying to free herself from rogue holiday decorations, or wearing tiny, tiny cocktail minis, sometimes Gwynnie shakes it up with a jumpsuit:

Whether she means it or not, it’s all really just another way of making us stare at her crotch. The Christina Aguilera of about four years ago would be SO proud.

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Comments (134):

  1. Dan

    While Ms. Jackson seems to have lost all control of her wardrobe (see what I did there?), most of her major crimes against fashion were for her show. Our Lady of the Vertical Arachnid, on the other hand, dresses like an escaped tarantula to appear, as herself, in public. Gotta be Bai.

  2. Robin

    Excellent rounds! I’m compelled to take Bai over Janet – Bai’s entire oeuvre is fug, whereas Janet has bad costuming rather than a complete fug style. Same goes for Xtina – Gwen is too boring to be a fug champion; she’s just tall and blonde, as if that is enough – well, that and limitless resources. Ugh!

  3. Laura M

    Thank the tiny baby Jesus I bought from a cowork…um, was legally prescribed, this Valium. Otherwise, I might have to rip the pajamas I AM STILL WEARING off and beat my chest in a hissy fit of grief and confusion.

    THIS is exactly why I said earlier someone should make SWINTON dolls. If I had one now, I would curl up in the bathtub and hold it while I cried, because SWINTON is the only so far who has not LET ME DOWN.

    My bracket is all shot to hell and back, thanks to Paula Abdul (nice choke, sheesh) and SJP (Lips is handing you your ass, for crying out loud, I can’t even STAND it. How did the hooves not pull you through???) I am losing hope of a spate of voting to change the outcome and put the world right again.

    Now I’m supposed to decide between Miss Jackson (I’m totally nasty, see above “still wearing pajamas” reference) and Bai Ling? How can that even be done???? I have Bai Ling in my bracket, but it’s all messed up due to the Sharon Stone/Jessica Simpson fiasco that I still haven’t recovered from. I just don’t know. My head hurts and I’m just so confused.

    At least I can easily shoot down Snoreth Paltrow — Christina is going to wipe up the floor with her.

    Maybe some soap and a toothbrush will clarify the Bai Ling/Janet decision, and I will be able, finally, to unass myself from this damn chair and get some stuff done today.

    This site is AWESOME.

  4. Camille

    Sorry, Bai, but Janet just looks BAD (and not in the bad is good way that her brother coined).

  5. lyricalcatt

    I gotta go with Bai always. She is crazy. And with Christina and Gwyn. I have to go with Gwyneth Paltrow. Looking at her archives this year made the decision. Her shoe choices alone make me want to vomit. Christina is a performer and therefore allowed a little creative freedom. As is Janet…Bai and Gwyneth wear these outfits out in public not on stage.

  6. Amanda in Austin

    I had to vote for Bai Ling over Miss Jackson, because Janet’s outfits are stage costumes. It’s like comparing fug apples to fug oranges.

    I do chuckle, however, at the way Janet’s gold spacesuit points with a big arrow to her girly region. It’s like a flashing neon sign that says, “EAT AT JOE’S.”

  7. Susan

    You need to have a tied cataglory because these really are a tie. They both look terrible.

  8. Nanna Flindt Quist

    I have to go for Janet Jackson! Sure, Bai Ling is a prima fugster, but she also has a certain curiosity appeal. I always go ‘hmm, that is one interesting outfit!’ whenever you fugpost her, and without the fug, she would be…what? Jackson is still a Jackson in fab clothes which is wild enough on its own, so her being fug is just sad. Fugging sad.

  9. amazingal

    Bai- your crazy-sprite self makes me smile. You are like a national dose of Zoloft in these hard times. You win.

    Gywnnie: You are a fashionista, and you don’t know NOT to wear gold and silver at the same time?! For shame! FTW.

  10. CatBallou

    I gave Christina and Janet a pass because they’re actually performing. Bai Ling and Gwyneth are just standing around being fugly.

  11. Aurora

    Tough decisions today!

  12. Susie

    As smug and snooty as she is, I still think Gwyn puts forth way more class and sophistication then Xtina could ever hope to possess. And I think Gwynnie was hitting a mid-life crisis (hence the micro-minis) at the exact same moment she was promo-ing Iron Man, and bless her heart, just wanted to show off her killer legs. I can’t hate her just for GOOP. Xtina is just an overdone, trashy, kabuki-mask horror show, who has taken Madonna’s brilliant reinventing-every-so-often strategy to a frenzied, manic ‘look how changeable and interesting I am!!’ level. Tiresome.

  13. Olivia

    I have a soft spot for the female drag queen look, whereas Gwyneth seems to actually believe she is being fashion forward, which to me is the most unforgivable fug.

  14. Miss Fern

    Gwyneth to the Final Four! Everything about her is awful: her blog, her tv show, and her ugly ugly mom shorts.

  15. Jaime

    It appears that C.Ags and J.Simp really don’t fall far from the tree branch they both blossomed from. I’m not sure pairing C. Ag with white in that cake clown makeup is such a grand idea.

  16. jen310

    Man, this was hard (said with a fine whine).
    C’mon. All these chicks are fug. How do I choose?
    Okay, I love the batshit insanity that is Bai Ling, but I thought Janet, “Ms. Jackson if you’re nasty”, really brought it this year. Bai will probably win so there really is no loss here.
    I had to go with Gwyn (yea, I spelled it right this time) because she thinks she is fashion foward and not fug-ass backward. Xtina just looks like a retro tranny whore – which is fug but just not fug enough for me unless she had the snotty holier-than-thou attitude to go with it. I hope Gwyn takes her down.

  17. Amanda

    I am SO over Bai Ling dressing like a spider. Janet for the upset!

  18. Meems

    PLEASE vote Gwyneth. I just feel that her continual air of smarm needs to be deflated by the world letting her know in no uncertain terms that she is a TERRIBLE DRESSER. High waisted leather hot pants are NOT your friend (unless perhaps you are attending a campy-Bavarian beer festival, and even then you have to have a certain sense of irony to even attempt pulling them off, which the G-Pal lacks entirely). Perhaps if voted queen of fug she will stop trying to embarrassingly foist her TERRIBLE DRESSING on the rest of the world via that tragically hilarious website. Actually on second thoughts, leave the website, I could do with the laughs.

  19. gigi

    no.no. you guys. Remember the hammer pants Janet wore was no costume. Extreme hammer pants! come on! Imagine having crotch down to your knees swinging every time you walk. ugh!
    Janet should win this.
    I voted for Bai last year for the win but she’s been just meh! this year.

  20. Catherine

    I had to go with Gwyneth on this one – I tend to come down a little harder on people who occasionally show up looking like my 5th grade teacher circa 1987 than I do on those who occasionally look like Jem circa 1987… especially when said Jem-inspired person is an actual pop star. Gwyneth’s blazers this year were simply unforgivable.

  21. Sara

    Every time I reach that psychedelic shirt/dress of Xtina’s, that stops the discussion for me. I find it hard to believe that anything could be fuglier than that outfit. (But then again, don’t listen to me. I must confess a certain strange attraction to those silvery tights of Gwynnie’s. If they were in my wardrobe, I’d definitely wear them.)

  22. Rebecca

    No, no, no – Christina Aguilera should not be beating Gwyneth. Leather mom-shorts people! Remember the leather mom-shorts.

    Besides, C. Ag’s problem is usually too much make up, some of her outfits are quite cute. Gwynnie’s outfits may be pretentious, but they are never attractive.

  23. granny

    Bai looks crazy but good, Jackson crazy and BAD.

  24. Ami

    GOOP, just sayin’.

  25. Jael_Paris

    I actually love what Gwenyth has been wearing this year. It doesn’t always work, but I’m always happy to see someone experiment with fashion. I still voted for her on the basis of GOOP.

  26. Kelly

    Christina Aguilera will always be the most fugly because of her makeup alone…add in ridiculous costumes and over the top dresses and yea…I’m vomiting all over myself. GROSS!

  27. Molly

    Agagaleering will always get my vote. Forget Janet Jackson, Agagaleering is the nastiest thing I’ve ever seen.
    Bai will also always get my vote, until she is up against Swinton.
    Which I still think will be our final two.
    And since Swinton has garnered such a following this year, I fear her in your face, I’ll wear it and you’ll weep fugability will prevail.

  28. Renny

    I had to choose Gwyneth because, although Christina’s fug is much worse, I feel Gwyn should know better.

  29. LuvTheFuggers

    Janet jackson vs Bai Ling: I give it to Jackson. That is some true fuglin’ fugly fug. The first pic she looks like she’s wearing a onesie and needs her di-dee changed and the second looks like she’s going to relieve that poor Free Credit Report.com guy from being ‘dressed up like a pirate in this rest-a-rahnt’.

  30. Pandora

    JJ and Bai both look costume-y most of the time. The difference, though, is that most of the time when JJ looks costume-y, she is actually standing on a stage. Bai has no such excuse. Plus: shin bandaids. ‘Nuff said.

    Gwyneth’s wardrobe is a snooze half the time and confounding the other half of the time, but Christina looks consistently overdone with the 6 layers of makeup, peroxide hair and skanky duds.

  31. Peggy

    I hope Gwennie wins by virtue of her fugly soul.

  32. Cecily

    Bai over Janet, as there is a difference between “I’m performing!” choices and “I am looking so hot, no?” Gwyneth and Christina, however, was tough. Over time, they have both prompted gasps and winces and WTFs, Gwyneth more so lately–and who could not be tempted to vote Gwynnie on the smugness of GOOP alone. I refrained, as this is about fashion and not her annoying reco’s of gazillion dollar hotels and meals when out-and-about. In the end, Christina’s fug is more confusing, and often, her makeup makes her look like a clay pot.

    P.S. Did anyone notice the dancer in Christina’s background, with the very nice, um, developed, bottom? Monday, Monday!

  33. Anonymous

    Wait. Gwyneth has a blog and a TV show? Now I am really glad I voted for Xtina.
    Furthermore, I know you paid a lot of money for them and you want to show them off, and 2 years later, you are still insisting they are overflowing with baby food, but really, cover them up. It’s gross. And you’re married.

    Only one force of nature can take the fug-tiara from BLing’s wily head. And it ain’t Mrs. Dupri. Better luck next year, Vomita Jo.

  34. jillybeans

    Here’s the thing with Bai:

    Is she ridiculous? No doubt? At time inappropriate? Absolutely. But at least her clothes fit properly.

    As someone with a bountiful lower half, Janet has made me terrified of anything both wide leg and tailored.

  35. na

    It always upsets me that obvious fugs continously win over more subtle but equally problematic fugs (SJP, Paula Abdul). The subtle fugs are more nefarious, people, because they eek into our consciousness undetected and then release their fugness. We can spot obvious fugs a mile away (pheobe price, bai, even swinton). Let’s not award attention-seeking fugs this time!!

  36. Anonymous

    Wait. Gwyneth has a blog and a TV show? Now I am really glad I voted for Xtina.
    Furthermore, I know you paid a lot of money for them and you want to show them off, and 2 years later, you are still insisting they are overflowing with baby food, but really, cover them up. It’s gross. And you’re married.

    Only one force of nature can take the fug-tiara from BLing’s wily head. And it ain’t Mrs. Dupri. Better luck next year, Vomita Jo.

  37. Sheri

    I just can’t forgive Janet for that Sailor outfit. It makes her backend look GINORMOUS! I don’t care what size you are, there are flattering clothes out there for everyone.

  38. Kate

    The former X-Tina has come a long way from assless chaps and knee socks, and often looks damn nice from the neck down. Take off a couple layers of Max Factor and she’d be a consistent Do. Gwyneth, on the other hand, styles herself a lifestyle guru–can’t one of her many spiritual advisers moonlight as a stylist? Ms. Park Avenue/Trafalgar Square should know better.

  39. Anonymous

    Band Aids of Truth versus fake tattoo sleeve? I love the artificial-skin match up.

  40. anne

    but janet’s fugs are SO MUCH WORSE than bai’s! i just don’t know… that was a tough one for me. maybe janet’s normal, non-costume apparel isn’t gfy worthy, but unlike bai, she lacks the ten little spirits on whom blame could potentially be projected for these forays into fugland. so: jj gets my vote. (sorry, bai!)

  41. Heather

    Christina is fug, no doubt, but I picked Gwynnie because she clearly aspires to be a style icon…then wears e.g. formal mom shorts…ugh!!

    Does anyone else find Bai Ling oddly sympathetic? Fugly for sure, and yet…I dunno, maybe just forgot to take my evil pills this morning ;)

  42. Jen - The Alien Spouse

    This was the hardest bracket for me, and I have to say I am sorry that Janet has met Bai so early in the contest. Janet could have been a contender, but I just don’t see her beating the current world record holder.

    On the other hand Christina Vs. Gwyneth was really interesting because it did make me consider for the first time the similarities between the two women’s wardrobes which I had never noticed before. I voted Xtina, but I sort of regret that now, at least there seems to be some element of defiance in her choices. Gwynnie on the other hand has an air of demureness about her, which is especially grating when you can practically see what she had for breakfast (hot water with a squeeze of lemon usually).

  43. j

    I kind of heart Gwyneth Palwtrow’s style….her fashion tips on Goop are pretty practical! Sorry to all the haters!

  44. Eshe

    Damn, I never thought I would have such a hard time deciding between Janet and Bai but wow… they were both sooo fugtastic this year! Eventually I gave it to Bai because of the costume factor. Bai performs nowhere, she has no excuse. And the shin band-aid secret messages, they just fascinate me.

    Gwyn vs Christina was also difficult. Christina is too beautiful to always be looking so trashy and Gwyn needs help to realise what fashionable is before she continues to peddle her misguided concept of it to the world.
    Finally Gwyn won by the strength of the gold/silver tinsel christmas tree ornament outfit of shame. Just no.

  45. Neil

    Bai did not impress much this year, it seems appropriate to let last year’s champ bow early. I don’t think Janet will go very deep in the contest this year either, but her sheer wackitude must win out. Ling cannot coast on last year’s glory!

    Gwynnie must also be victorious for the complete wasting of a big genepool lottery win. How ANYONE can make that package look unattractive is beyond me, but she does it every time. C Ag, while bizarre, still ends up looking pretty good. FuGooP.

  46. AHM

    It’s really not fair to pair anyone against Bai in these early rounds, because she is JUST SO CRAZY! I just love me some Bai Ling..her fug is wacktastic in a way that far surpasses Paula, the other fugster from Crazytown.

    Janet, while often ‘muy fugiosa’ is typically wearing costumes to perform, which, although awful, are purely for theatrical effect. Yes, yes, Bai is theatrical, but she’s not even working, so who is she trying to convince? Plus, Ling-Ling makes some of it herself and is ALWAYS super proud of whatever hot mess she’s bandaged together.

    I must admit (gulp) I love GOOP. It’s interesting and fun, and if you read it without thinking about it being from GP, pretty informative and good. I just pretend it is some faceless, nameless yet stylish person writing about stuff I am interested in (food, stuff to do, fashion?? yes, please) and that makes it better.

    I also like most of Gwinnie’s movies. I loved Iron Man, although it had nothing to do with her. Anyway, I think that since she is a ‘style icon’ of sorts, and it is clear that she CAN appear places looking absolutely gorgeous, there is just no excuse for some of the hellacious getups she prances around in.

    When she fugs it up, she REEEEALLY fugs it UP!!

    CAg is just fugly by nature, and you can’t combat that, or vote for it.

  47. victoria

    Agonizing choices, this round.

    While Bai is a consistent horror show, Janet has really pulled through with some incredibly eyeball-clawing ensembles. Costumes or not–These Are Madness! She is Truly Fugtacular. Despite Bai’s commendable efforts in fug, we must not deny Janet an advance. Janet FTW.

    Gwyneth vs. Christina. What is so incredibly delicious about smiting Gwyneth with the Fug Award is the fact that some magazines actually salute her style! Or conversely, perhaps they feel similarly offended by her, and played cruel games with her image in the name of fashion and art–with a hidden agenda to humiliate her. If that’s the case, then well played!

    Her haughtiness doubles the magnitude of her poor style (the overly avant-garde, the shockingly-lacking-fabric dresses, the ABSURD LEATHER HIGH-WAISTED AND ILL-FITTED SHORTS, etc.) There is almost no choice, even given the absurdity of Christina’s Pucci Insanity and everyday use of Viva Glam makeup. Gwyneth FTW.

  48. Anonymous

    Christina vs Gwenyth, how to choose here? Hmmm, Paltrow has been guilty all year of trying too hard while trying too hard to not look like she is trying too hard. All that suddenly ‘in’ stuff she’s been wearing. Plus she commits the always fatal ‘flat boobs in stuff that is made for fuller boobs’ mistake. The barely-there chest needs a certain kind of style;Paltrow is guilty of not paying attention in that area. And it is a very fugly mistake. Makes one look like one is NOT working out with ones superduper on-the-road-with-Madonna-but not-too-busy-to-send-Goopy-a-vid-to-work-out-with-and-SHARE-with-the-goopsternation. Now Aguilera has actual talent. Yet I cannot figure out who Aguilera is trying to be fashion-wise, and I suspect that neither can she.
    My Fug goes to Paltrow. She has the potential to always look fab but she opts for fug.

  49. Jill

    I’m going to have to go with Gwyneth if only because she portends to be some fashionista. Shame on you! You know better.

  50. Dan

    Okay, I’m confusing myself.

    Jackson get’s a pass since most of her fug is onstage fug, and therefore tax deductable. Anything that gets one over the man is good by me. ;-)

    Tax deductable = not fug.

    Christina is FUG all the time, everywhere.

    BaiLing and Christina FTF.

  51. Diana

    I really feel like we need two tourneys: a skank tourney and a fashionista tourney. I can never decide between the Gwenyths and Xtinas of the world. It’s like comparing apples to sex toys. Sigh.

  52. Rebecca

    Plus, the LEATHER MOM SHORTS were worn over tights. Over tights people! I haven’t done that since 1989. Gwynnie, Queen of Smug, must win. Must!

  53. Bgirl

    how how! could Christina take Gwyneth on this???? Surely Gwyneth has the power of the GOOP behind her, surely!!

  54. Caroline

    My thoughts: Aguilera is generally doing better. Her total record of fugness is bad but this past year she has show improvement whereas Gwynnie has NOT. She has been shopping while drunk, or something.

  55. frosty

    ummmm….i like the way gwyneth dress. don’t hurt me?

  56. Suzy

    I know that Bai and Christina are long-time culprits, but I am going for the underdogs here. Janet wears fug ensembles even when she’s not performing, I hate to say. And the above two, just taken on their own terms, are worse than anything we see on Bai, above. Yes, Bai has issues, but this year she’s been on relatively good behavior. There’s something I even admire about the spider costume. The others are bad, but they just don’t hold a candle to Janet’s horrors.

    Let’s face it: Gwyneth deserves this. Christina is just kind of trashy and tranny. Gwyneth thinks what she’s doing is some kind of art, so she needs to be schooled in how fug it really is.

  57. Anonymous

    Bai v Janet–that’s difficult. Bai has the edge, but I don’t support weirdness for the sake of weirdness (although I did vote for Phoebe Price…). While Janet’s outfits are clearly bizarre enough to be called fug, I don’t know if you can include stage costumes as representative of their personal style. Would Janet wear them out in public–I’m not so sure, but give Bai half a chance, and she would be all over those costumes, provided she had them slit down to there…and also up to there. It’s a toss-up…Bai. Bai, yes, that’s my vote.

  58. anner

    I ended up voting for Janet Jackson, because, next to her get-ups, Bai Ling’s are actually…never thought I’d say this…FLATTERING.

    Xtina vs. Gwynnie is WAAAY harder…they both have the ability to make otherwise OK dresses look annoying. Xtina somehow trampifies everything she touches while, to me, Gwyneth makes even the shortest, tightest cocktail dress look bland and uptight. I ended up going with Gwenyth because her snootiness and imagined fashionista status irk me so much. But now I’m kind of second-guessing myself. At least I’d actually wear some of her clothing (albeit a few sizes larger…we can work out the details when I win strike it rich), while if I were offered anything seen here on Xtina I’d instruct the offerer to take it right back to Deb or Rave or Wet Seal or wherever the hell it came from.

  59. Anonymous

    Bai v Janet–that’s difficult. Bai has the edge, but I don’t support weirdness for the sake of weirdness (although I did vote for Phoebe Price…). While Janet’s outfits are clearly bizarre enough to be called fug, I don’t know if you can include stage costumes as representative of their personal style. Would Janet wear them out in public–I’m not so sure, but give Bai half a chance, and she would be all over those costumes, provided she had them slit down to there…and also up to there. It’s a toss-up…Bai. Bai, yes, that’s my vote.

  60. Catherine

    Oh, DON’T let Christina win this one. Gwyneth looks absolutely terrible almost all the time these days, and yet she’s so convinced she’s a style guru that she tries to foist her choices on the masses via GOOP. There’s nothing fuglier than that.

  61. Anonymous

    Gwyneth is just so smug and superior acting all the time I want her to be fugged like no one has ever been fugged before!

  62. Anonymous

    Gwyneth is just so smug and superior acting all the time I want her to be fugged like no one has ever been fugged before!

  63. tbruns

    I think Bai has conceived a brilliant marketing strategy that involves everything from Band-aids to butterfly wings and the girl works it! Miss jackson is just crazy.

    Gwyneth has been hit by the fugly stick..she’s still trying to find her own identity after bearing fruit (see what I did there)….On the other hand Xtina has strayed into believing her hype and is convinced herself that she is untouchable when it comes to fashion…clearly delusional!

  64. paula

    While I’d like to pick the Paltrow chick- because I LOATHE her ‘inscouciant’ (her self description- aaack!), pompous, formerly micro-biotic skinny a**, Christina never fails to bring out her fugness- everything from the terror alert tan, the crazy makeup, spillover boobs and everything in between.

    Janet’s spaceship hair and tour drag can’t even compare to the everyday craziness that envelops our favorite multi-faced, crazy gal, Bai Ling.

  65. Kevin

    How could I forget Dynasty: Intergalactic! She’s a Cylon for sure!

  66. Lindsay

    at least Xtina is amusing and for some reason, halfway lovable; “Gwennie” just makes me mad. She physically bothers me. GOOP this.

  67. Anonymous

    Bai is Bai is Bai, whereas Janet Jackson may well be the long lost beige Power Ranger… And frankly, I just can’t forgive that.

  68. Stephanie

    A worse offense on Janet’s part than any of her costumes was the giant sweat pants she was photographed in going to the convenience store or wherever. Even for a quick weekend trip to 7-11, it just looked like she had given up on life…

  69. Mad Mooby

    Aw, c’mon Fuggers! Bai hasn’t been herself this past year….in fact, she’s been almost normal! And Janet is a loon….and really, should anyone with that much left over baby fat be wearing a jumper with binding joints sewn into it? I think not.

    The Gwynnie/Xtina contest is much harder for me. On one hand, I am so sick of Chris Martin and Coldplay and I think that I may unfairly want to punish Gwyn for his sins. On the other hand, one of her BFF’s is Madge, and so birds of a feather, right? Xtina at least has a decent figure (which she paid a great deal of money for) and if and when the day comes that she scrapes all that makeup off her face and let’s her hair be……hair…..I think we will all want to look back on Fug Decision 09 and know that we saw True Fug for who it is, and that’s GWENYTH.

  70. Whitney

    This was hard, because I actually kind of like both ladies, because they can both pull off stuff mere mortals couldn’t. In the end, it came down to levels of gratuitous cleavage. Sorry, Xtina.

  71. ash

    I actually think Gwyneth looks fabulous in both those outfits. Although the dress would have been better without the tinsel . . .
    Here’s hoping Xtina makes it through. Remember when she temporarily unfugged a while back, and was looking classy and pretty everywhere she went? How boring was that? What a relief she’s now just as over the top as ever-if not quite as trashy as the Dirrrty old days!

  72. camille

    Hmph. All the examples shown or linked (not counting category links) in this post are making me doubt my original votes. But no, I must stay strong!

  73. alison

    Just want to say that I LOVE the idea of Swinton dolls. Imagine having a “fashion” (I use the term loosely) doll that you could dress in the fugliest things ever. The hours of entertainment you could have attempting to convince the other dolls that Ms. Swinton is indeed dressed to go on an easter egg hunt at the local school as opposed to being dressed to greet prostitutes from the planet Xelenax at a polar bear convention.
    I’d never get any work done. WANT.

  74. Aaron Scholz

    It’s so hard, because Gyneth and Xtina are both very pretty girls who, when the put on the right stuff, look amazing and practically make up for the fug. But they both fall flat on their fugs as well…and while Bai Ling has alien sense, at least it’s some sense. Ms Jackson really does look nast-ee these days. Her wardrobe makes her appear very angry at someone or something

  75. Anonymous

    oh, c’mon you guys! if for no other reason than GOOP, the mini-minis, the smug “I’m so REAL, I’m so natural, I’m so HAPPY”, the drippy, whiny voice, AND THE FACT THAT SHE WAS TAUGHT TO BE MUCH BETTER THAN THIS!!!

    Gwynnie must Fug Supreme!

  76. LaLaRi

    At least Janet’s clothes are her on-stage get up. Performers can get away with anything on stage by saying it’s part of the act — no matter how bat-shit crazy they end up looking to the rest of us normal folk. Bai Ling is just wrong. No excuses. Bai Ling for the fug win.

  77. Rida

    All hail Empress Fug Ling.

  78. Saz





    VOTE WITH YOUR HEARTS PEOPLE!!! …your hearts!!!

    REMEMBER THE GOOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  79. Hayley

    When i saw those photos of Janet, particulary the second, i instantly thought: “Jesus! Its Sonic The Hedehog!”
    Anyone who reminds me of a blue hedgehog from a show i had completely forgotten about, that my little brother used to watch at least 7 years ago is entirely worthy of my vote.

  80. snarkbot

    Bai has kinda lost her game. One crochet monstrosity does not a Queen of Fug make. And this “well it’s a stage costume and therefore not as fug” argument assumes Miss Jackson has no say in what goes on in her own show, which isn’t true. I love her, but you know girl was ALL ABOUT that ferret-sized sailor hat.

    As to Gwen and Xtina, I find a splurt of GOOP in my face to be more discomfiting than a handful of dirrt. Seriously, someone hand me a tissue. NO, NOT a stanky pair of high-waisted leather shorts. GOD.

  81. Hilde

    Gwyneth isn’t quite in C.Ag. country yet, but she’s on the outskirts and heading inland. Sigh.

  82. Aaron

    I’m sorry Bai, but I actually saw Janet’s concert (one of the three she didn’t cancel,) and Janet TOTALLY wins. That first outfit made her look like a punk-rock horse crossed with an 80s velour couch.

  83. Anonymous

    why, oh WHY, isn’t TYRA in this competition???!!!

  84. Barton Fink

    i feel a surge of affection whenever i look at a picture of bai ling, and this love has been my secret shame for almost two years now — am i insane to think that she looks beautiful there, in the batshitcrazy spiderwoman outfit? am i wrong to feel joy when i see her pouting face, and is it normal to want to console her for whatever nonwartrobe malfunction led to her sour expression?

  85. Katherine

    Fuggers!! You CANNOT compare Jackson’s performance outfits with Bai Lings SINCERE outfits. Janet wears that one stag, Ling wears it as REAL CLOTHES!! Ling must win!

  86. Sharon

    Bai is fug, but her fug is free for the looking. Janet Jackson helped design that wardrobe and then actually CHARGED ADMISSION to see it!!!!!!!!!!!!
    (Until the day I draw my last breath, I will never be able to look at the Michelin Man the same way. I mean he is supposed to represent safety, but there is nothing safe about Janet in that inflated beige thing that looks suspiciously like a human corndog with rhinestones.)

    As for The Q-tip and X-tina… girl, please! Get that silly old fug outta here, Gwennie… I’d like to see YOU try to wear those chaps! Your skinny ol’ hind quarters couldn’t hold a candle to Christina’s hoochiness!

  87. Fatima

    I hate today!!! Gaga, Jordan and Xtina? What’s happening!?! I was perfect in my first round. I wish voting would stop for people who are trying to be ugly on purpose. Nothing beats a pretentious or misguided fug and they all seem to be loosing today:( As the Zoe would say “I died”

  88. lelo

    Yowsers, where the hell did Janet Jackson come from? (Aside from…the moon. Heh.)

    Honestly…if she beats Bai, she might take this whole thing.

  89. Deb

    Sure Bai is wacked, but she’s really rather cute. Janet scares the bejeezus out of me.

    Gwenyth made some seriously bad choices this year, so she gets my vote over Christina, who’s supposed to look like that.

  90. saynotoarrogance

    Although Xtina really is more fugtacular, I had to go with Gwyneth because she’s just so unbelievably smug about everything – her silly Goop website, her macrobiotic diets, and how hard it is to be gorgeous and rich. I hate the smug.

  91. Kaitlyn

    I voted for the GOOPster because she’s long been lauded as some sort of bastion of classy, elegant taste…which, like, what? Those tights alone made me say “Oh, honey, NO,” out loud, for god’s sake. Xtina, on the other hand, markets herself as an over-the-top figure. Sort of a back-alley Dita von Teese.

  92. yankintex

    I went with Janet for that godawful beige space outfit alone, and because Bai was relatively tame this year (I mean, relatively). And Gwyneth takes it over Christina because she seems utterly insufferable and because she makes Spain look so fuckin’ BORING. And that’s a major crime. Which has nothing to do with fashion, but whatever.

  93. Pearl

    I’d love to vote for Miss Jackson, but–please! She is ridiculously overmatched NO MATTER WHAT by the insouciant confidence of someone who wears message bandaids. I cannot get beyond them, even for padded, glitzy jumpsuits and bad sailor garb. And I think it should be all Gwynnie: after all, she has all the “gifts” of nature–long legs, height, good figure not prone to weight-gain, fair skin, pretty face… and yet she spent a year wearing crotch-flaunting, crotch hugging, camel-toe outfits. With bare legs or tights–whichever was worse–and boring hair. Christina–she’s got a style (ok, semi-crazy and semi-tasteless) but it is uniquely hers. Gwynnie just made bad, bad, flat, granola-whore choices… endlessly. Yech.

  94. restless leg syndrome

    I voted for bandaids and boob veins.

    Bandaids because I’m hoping she’ll go against SWINTON in the final round.

    And boob veins because, seriously, if I see those disgusting fake Xtina jahoobies cris-crossed by blue lines one more time, I will hurl all over my monitor. If she had veins on her legs like that, wouldn’t she wear pantyhose, or spray on tan, or something?

    She’s got enough spackle on her face to donate a little to the chestal area if it must be on exhibit, don’cha think?

  95. Megan P

    I have to go with the Fugger who makes me laugh. I respect Bai but Janet’s outfit is hysterical.

  96. Em

    Gwyneth and only Gwyneth for my vote. She thinks she’s Katherine Hepburn or Ava Gardner. She thinks has Old Hollywood class. WRONG. She is a tinseled toothpick: inadequate even when dressed in spangles. I can’t believe she’s losing the vote. At least Xtina makes me laugh with her 42nd St showgirl shtick – I’m sure she doesn’t take herself entirely seriously. But Gwyneth does, and that is SO much fuglier.

  97. sasha

    Gwyneth is just smugley.

  98. Crandycorn

    C’mon Bai! For some reason I could only vote for you one time on my pc, but I voted with my very SOUL!
    I LONG to see you and Swinton regarding each other curiously and imperiously from across the brackets.

  99. Sarah

    Had to vote for Christina just because of her horrible makeup and her poor hair. HER POOR FACE! Girl is destroying herself!

  100. Kelsey

    Man, it’s GOT to be Paltrow. Christina is just fugly and skankified and I kind of get that it’s her thing. Paltrow is so SMUG about her horrendous fashion choices. You know she looked at herself in the mirror and saw, not an android, but a divalicious goddess of beauty bedecked in silver MAGIC. Which, honey, no.

  101. James

    Praise be to Bai Ling! Long may she fug.

    It was a downright hard choice too. GIMMEABEAT is just so… bizarre. But not as bizarre as I know she could be, so no.
    No no. Bai Ling can, with but one blog entry, out crazy your whole family Janet. That takes powers not know to our planet.
    Her fug just…thrilling.
    Namely because you never know when a nipple will sneak out to say hello.

    Then I had to vote for Gwynnie. I know I know she’s just boring but I can’t in good conscience vote for xtina for the following reasons:
    1- She has actually improved… Admit it. Now if this was five years ago ooooh lordy she would take down paltrow with one pair of hot pants and a burnt sienna fake tan. Now? eh.
    2- She’s recycling. ironically this is a perfect bracket to show this. That bad high-pants outfit? Yeah Janet wore that like a decade ago. But hers had sequins.
    3- Xtina seems to be getting more sane while Paltrow appears to be losing her effing mind. lifestyle guru? Best buds with Madonna? THESE THINGS ARE NOT NORMAL!

  102. StephieD

    It seems like so many here are voting for Gwyneth (like I did!), so WHY IS SHE LOSING?! I had to vote for her because of all the potential she has and wastes…She’s absolutely beautiful, and when she rocks it, she rocks it hard! Which is why it makes me so upset to see her dressed in quasi-trendy-space-agey-fuggy-insert-gross-adjective-here clothes. I don’t expect much from Christina, so, lo and behold, my heart doesn’t break when she shows up looking like a drag queen. Perhaps that’s exactly why I can’t vote for Christina…because I LOVE drag queens! Perhaps Gwyneth can get on that next?…

  103. Danica

    Janet wears that stuff on stage… however for Bai, the world is her stage. She wins.

  104. Maggie

    Gwyneth, people!!! The white socks in the booties!!!

  105. Rebecca

    Gwyneth is fug just bc she is so incredibly boring most of the time. No one that pale and stick-like should be dressed in all cream, or silver. Really, does she have no imagination? At least xtina knows how to pile on the spackle to create some drama – not to mention the portion of her wardrobe that looks like it came from Walmart’s new psychedelic collection.

    Bai clearly spends some serious time creating her own personal fug. But without the extreme outfits, which I find very amusing, who the hell is she??? Janet wins her round with the Long John Silver’s costume hands down.

  106. Crandycorn

    Bai is a movie actress and surprisingly, she’s really very busy doing the actressing.
    I would postulate that Janet is cheating because her proffered Fug is stage costuming, and also she is a HasBeeeeeeen. It’s ovah, Janet. Actually, where does Janet even perform now? The Days Inn bar?

  107. becca

    According to GOOP…

    “I want clothes that move easily from a winter’s morning making pancakes to the school run to a meeting to homework to a dinner party.”

    all evidence to the contrary.

  108. Khalessi

    Bai Ling all the way! Janet’s examples are from stage and one should never look boring on stage. Bai Ling, however, dresses like that for formal personal appearances. Wow! I love that lady.

    I voted for Gwyneth because, well, I like her less than Christina and that really was the tie-breaker for me.

  109. TMom

    GWYNNETH! GWYN! Oh, come on! She’s fugly in a whole new way – genetically blessed, hugely talented, and yet she leaves the house looking like a total train wreck more often than not. That deserves big props!

    Bai will always have my vote. Bless.

  110. marguerite

    While Xtina’s fashion choices are at times mind-numbingly painful, they usually veer into costume territory, making them quite amusing. Also, the woman does not know the meaning of the word boring, unlike our GOOPy friend. Gwennie is just so smug. And she thinks she’s avant-garde and fabulous, when truth be told her fashion has been impotent since the mid-90s. Someone seems to have slipped her some fashion viagra though, lending her unwarranted bravado and a misplaced sense of teenage glory.

  111. Brenda

    Come on, people – leather-like mom shorts, over tights, with gray booties, to a premier! And if you look at that picture again, you will notice that of the two, Joaquin Phoenix and his ratty “I’m-really-a-rapper-now” facial attachment actually looks better than she does.

    That has to beat any amount of spackle that Christina slathers onto her face.

  112. Laura

    Bai Ling may look crazy, but she pulls it off. Janet Jackson just looks sad and washed up.

  113. me

    i’m sorry, but does anyone think that gweyeth’s shiny dress is slightly cute??? I actually like it! if she wore different tights, i think it would be cute! or am i just crazy…?

  114. Brenda

    Have to comment on the “we should let Janet slide because they’re stage costumes” argument. Being on stage is no excuse for that amount of fugliness – it may not be ‘normal life’ but you’re still going out in public looking like that. If anything, it should count as extra points against her since she subjected paying fans to outfits that make the eyes bleed.

  115. Dolores

    I’m upset, fug girls and fug voters, Gwyneth Paltrow is one of those celebrities that I most probably would punch in the head if I met her in real life. What a shame her fug does not reign supreme. I wonder if GOOP has a hate mail function?

  116. Anonymous

    Bai has awesome FUG. Janet is just ickie.

  117. SKG

    I went for Jackson – she looks like my Mum’s curtains/upholstry from the 80s…mmm…leatherette…plus Bai has been wearing actual dresses recently.

    As for Xtina…LOOK AT HER!

    Re: costume debate. Remember, somewhere along the line, the singer/model/fugger nods and says ‘Why yes I would LOVE to wear that ill fitting horrendous piece of ass hattery for all to see!’

    (ps SWINTON vs POSH (fingers crossed) never have I been so proud to be a Brit…)

  118. Sherilyn

    Christina Aguilera TOTALLY ruined it with her locks and war paint. Close one between Janet and Bai Ling though. REALLY close.

  119. Claire

    Feel free to shoot me down, but is it just me or does Gwynnie actually look amazing in that jumpsuit? I think that maybe our general dislike for jumpsuits in general has led to us immediately writingthis one off. hmmm

  120. Amna

    Voting Janet Jackson because creatures like Bai Ling should not be encouraged. Plus Janet’s fug is greater.

  121. Alixandra

    Bai VS Janet ???
    That is just plain mean, how is a person meant to choose between those two.

  122. Gin


    Mmmm was pondering a coin toss, but then Ms Jackson was slightly bumped by Bai Ling as she’s at least in costume, you gotta make ‘em insane so the folk in the cheap seats can see something. So Bai and her band-aids for me


    OK folks I’m OUTRAGED, outraged I tells ya. If we’re going to allow SJP and her hideous delusion that she’s fashionably edgy off the hook we can’t let the same thing happen with Ms Goop. Christina’s fug has mostly been confined to her make-up trowel in recent years. Gwynnie wore leather mum shorts, and has the nerve to tell US how to dress?

  123. Lindsay

    I went for Bai. Although Wacko Jacko looks absolutely awful in those threads, she’s wearing them on stage. Bai Ling wears that stuff all the time.

  124. Miss_Om

    Actually I like GOOP in these pics. Xtina will always remind me of that Movie ‘Death Becomes Her’, where Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn end up refinishing their face with embalmer’s spack filler and paint from a can, and for that, she definitely gets my fug vote.

    AND nothing can be more hideous than Janet Jackson’s Beige Catastrophe. That thing is more of a wardrobe mishap than any breast-flashing I ever saw.

  125. jacky g

    I’m going with Janet because I feel like Bai does it on purpose. She’s all, how ridiculous can I look today because I am a Z-list celebrity and I otherwise would not be noticed at all. Seriously, what is she even famous for? I have no clue. Whereas, Janet probably thinks she is being creative and edgy and thinks she looks good. She’s wrong, obviously, and is therefore more fug. Accidental fug is more powerful.

    And say what you want about Paltrow and her ridiculous outfits, Xtina’s face is straight up disgusting. I don’t think I could even afford the amount of make up it would take to look that bad. Paltrow has her GOOP site and Xtina piles on the GOOP. ZING!

  126. Severine

    At least Janet is confining those insane outfits to her stage show. Bai Ling has no excuse–I imagine she wafts around her fortress of fug wearing caftans made of spanish moss and rhinestones.

    Gwyneth has actually worn a few things I have liked. I think the last thing I liked on Christina Aguilera were her leopard print Christian Louboutin shoes and that has to be at least two years ago.

  127. Jenny

    Even though Christina is technically champion of fug, she is still a pop princess, and as it seems to be with every starlet, poor poor choices are required. BUT Madam Paltrow is an award winning actress, daughter of Blithe Danner, long and lean. There. Is. NO. Excuse.

    Plus GOOP is the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen.

  128. Lori Magno

    Wow, Miss Jackson is crazytastic, but Christina is just always. To quote Dan from the comments above:

    Jackson gets a pass since most of her fug is onstage fug, and therefore tax deductible. Anything that gets one over the man is good by me. ;-)

    Tax deductible = not fug.

    Christina is FUG all the time, everywhere.


    Respectfully submitted,

  129. Lizzie

    Whoa. Janet Jackson vs. Bai Ling was really tough. I had to give it to Bai Ling in the end, though, since I think she dresses pretty fugly in real life whereas Janet Jackson’s sartorial wackitude is mostly for the stage, so at least there’s some sort of REASON.

  130. Kathy

    I had to go for Gwyneth and Janet for the same reason. Xtina and Bai Ling have always presented themselves as what they are. Tarted up fug-masters. It is thier Thing, thier image. Both Gwyn and Janet have gone back and forth between ‘too good’ and ‘too bad’(in the good sense). Stick with one and make it yours!

  131. Hima

    Come on! Please let’s push for a Jackson win. Bai was so disappointing this year. (And fine, I might still be bitter about her win over Sevigny last year). But Janet! She’s wearing a tiny sailor hat! Please vote for the hat!

  132. Katy

    I’m unhappy with the way these votes are going. Janet Jackson TOTALLY wins this just for the yellow jumpsuit alone! Not only is it F.U.G.L.Y….it is SO ill-fitting and unflattering as make her easily mistakable for the Michelin Man (if the Michelin Man were yellow. And studded.). Bai was nowhere NEAR this one piece alone.

    And Xtina vs. Gwyneth…? Don’t get me started. Xtina comes from a sense of fun; she’s SUPPOSED to be wacky. Gwyneth takes herself WAY too seriously as an Icon and totally deserves to be taken down. Come on, people! We can do it if we band together!

  133. weyes

    i canNOT believe g.p. is losing. this is ridonkulous.

  134. Ian W


    Christina is a performer and therefore allowed a little creative freedom. As is Janet…Bai and Gwyneth wear these outfits out in public not on stage.

    Is exactly why I voted for Bai and Gwynnie, but especially for Gwynnie. There is no excuse for the horrors that woman has inflicted upon us over the last year.