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(1) AUBREY O’DAY vs. (12) LISA RINNA

By now, Lisa Rinna’s cleavage — of both chest and thigh/crotch — has been burned on your brains, although feel free to revisit them as part of your research in making this deeply important decision. And even though she has admitted that her cheeks, at least, are man-made, we’re steering clear of discussing anything she may or may not have done to her face. So all that’s left is to examine what she wears when she’s covering things up instead of whipping them out:

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[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

Even with all that fabric, this is a peekaboo moment just waiting to happen, and indeed her nipples are trying to make it so as best they can. On the plus side, you could hang her on a yacht mast and she’d sail you straight to Catalina Island.

Lisa hasn’t been featured enough on the site to have her own archive — yet — but we have also marveled at her lengthy marriage to leopard print and her Joan Collins hair, so drink those in as well.

Conversely, her competitor Aubrey has had a hugely prolific Year of Fuggery that includes this fur monstrosity, this glorified nightie, this multicolored puffball, and… you know what? IT’S ALL BAD. Seriously. All of it. And that archive, somehow, doesn’t even include this:

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[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Aubrey would get better coverage, with a similar aesthetic, if she just gave up and wore a pair of Depends. And I’m not sure what that is around her neck, but I would not be shocked to walk into IKEA this weekend and see it under the name “HJELKN,” on sale for $10 as something you stick on your bathtub to make it less slippery.

It’s a tough call between these two twerps. Maybe seeing them side by side in similar outfits will help ease your furrowed brows.

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[Photos: FlynetOnline.com]

Hmm. Rinna’s might be falling off — and MIGHT be a strapless top tucked into drawstring pants — but Aubrey’s dirty hems ate her feet and the outfit makes her crotch look bloated. I am dumbfounded. It’s like she’s somebody’s grandfather.

(And no, lest anyone be afraid, her left hand has not grown nails on the outside; I just cropped out the friend who is clutching it, because she already has to live with not telling Aubrey to wear something better. Why add to her pain?)

So there you have it: A woman of questionable talent who needs to Put It Away even on the days when she’s tried to do just that, and… a woman of questionable talent who needs to Put It Away even on the days when she’s tried to do just that. Whom to choose?