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(1) MISCHA BARTON vs (2) LADY GAGA

I’m tired of staring at Lady Gaga’s crotch. So, I leave it to you to go back through our other Fug Madness posts and revisit the nude bodysuit, the Little Red Riding Hood leotard, and the bedazzled panties, because I’d just rather not gawk at Gaga’s gaga today. Instead, let’s take a look at some of what she picks when she’s decided to keep the Bat Cave hidden:

Z100's Jingle Ball 2008 Presented By H&M

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

This is what the tour guides wear when — spectacularly missing the meaning of the name — they lead a group through Superman’s Fortress of Solitude.

And this is what people wear when they want it to look like Molly Ringwald’s character from Pretty In Pink designed their dream Ice Capades wedding dress:

Mischa Barton leaves Mr. Chow after having dinner with a friend

[Photo: Splash News]

Come to think of it, I’m surprised Lady Gaga didn’t buy this off Mischa and turn it into a leotard — after all, there’s a built-in giant arrow pointing DIRECTLY at her favorite body part.

Perhaps Lady Gaga was too busy trying to go incognito.

'The Dome 42' Concert In Mannheim (USA AND OZ ONLY)

Quite the subtle disguise, Lady G. If I did not know it was you, I’d surely have assumed this melodramatic creature before me was a jilted woman from a 1987 Lifetime Television For Women movie, who gets revenge against her kind by eating their husbands for lunch and/or peppering people’s scotch with arsenic. It would be called Hell Hath Her Fury: The Bobbie Jo Hoppenkleiner Story, and the trail of dead bodies (Bonnie Bedelia, Markie Post) would end with Susan Lucci bludgeoning the killer to death with a Dust Buster.

Meanwhile, back at Chez Mischa…

A Time For Heroes Celebrity Carnival - Inside

… our heroine’s career has hit the skids so badly, she’s taken to stapling together an outfit from stolen table linens.

Sad stories, both. Take a tour through their other past offenses, and then, once your stomach has stopped roiling in rebellion, get your revenge with one pointed mouse-click.