Go Fug Yourself: Because Fugly Is The New Pretty

Lost In Fug

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Sometimes I forget Heather Graham exists. It's not her fault, really; just that ever since her face was plastered all over Los Angeles for three months promoting that ABC sitcom of hers that then got cancelled practically in the middle of its premiere episode, I haven't come across her in anything except for a cable screening of the second Austin Powers flick -- at which point I paused to pay homage to her giant hairpieces, and then changed the channel to something that didn't involve so many hideous poo jokes.

This was not the way I wanted to be reminded of her:

In The Spy Who Shagged Me, Heather Graham looked about 22 even though she was at least 28 at the time. Now she's got a bit of that stiff Kidman sheen to her skin, like she's been Botoxing herself to the hilt and now it hurts to smile. But maybe that tight, awkward grin is because she just caught a glimpse of herself and realizes how unflattering and kinda musty-looking this dress is. It reminds me of the way people use the phrase "for the mature woman" with a certain inflection that secretly means "super freakin' old lady who smells like denture paste." There is so much going on, and none of it good.

Not to mention, after all that busyness everywhere else, the bottom of the damn thing just hangs there as if someone got too bored to do anything with it. So it's just along for the ride, praying it gets caught in a car door and torn away to freedom. I feel its pain.

World Music Awards: Well Played, Alicia Keys

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blue,
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It's unusual for me to wake up on a Monday feeling chipper. Yet here I am, not only in a good mood, but also feeling relieved and proud and even a tough smug.

Why, you ask? Because my intervention WORKED.

Look how hot Alicia Keys is! Yes, she could use a meatball or three, but some of that might just be the angle of the photograph. But please, celebrate with me: She's wearing a dress that FITS. In an awesome color. With simple but striking makeup. And I want her purse.

But wait. It gets better. Because unlike other awards shows, where she started out strong and then climbed through the looking glass, here Alicia showed actual restraint:

Continue reading World Music Awards: Well Played, Alicia Keys.

MTV Europe Awards Fug: Beyonce

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You know what? Never mind. There is nothing wrong with this.

I mean, just because Planet Spaceball is critically short on air, it doesn't mean it can't have lounge singers.

Your Number One Source Into Manhattan's Fug

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So, obviously, Blake Lively wasn't on set the day we all learned that, per Blair -- and all right thinking people -- tights are not pants:

What next? Is she going to forget that when you're blackmailing someone, you always make a back-up of whatever incendiary materials you're using? Is she going to start acting like Vanessa? Ew.

MTV Europe Awards Fug: Katy Perry

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I'm learning that I must really not be a fan of Katy Perry. Thanks to my fondness for high camp, most crazy costumey outfits end up becoming so-crazy-they're-amazing, a la Posh or Grace Jones or Bjork. I mean, if you'd asked me in the moment, I'd have told you Bjork's swan dress was pure avian insanity, but now I look back upon it fondly and kind of miss it (and almost went as that for Halloween this year, before deciding it's stuck in a relevance netherworld: too recent not to seem passe, but not old enough to be a cunning throwback).

So, my point is, I usually love unabashed weirdness. And yet any time I see Katy Perry in one of her farcical confections, I just roll my eyes and mutter, "Oh, great. AGAIN? WHATEVER."

Let's start with this one:

Are her boobs SUPPOSED to look like giant, evil green eyes glaring back at me from her torso? Is she TRYING to make a play on that old chestnut where a guy stares at a girl's cleavage and she coos, "My eyes are UP HERE"? Or is it just an ugly dress that looks like someone sewed the bodice out of old shoulder pads? I don't know. But I do know that when the skirt if both wrinkled and a size too tight, it's probably not a very well constructed garment.

And this was the normal thing she wore. Behold the on-stage alternative:

Continue reading MTV Europe Awards Fug: Katy Perry.

MTV Europe Awards Fug Carpet: Estelle

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Listen, I know playing around with a roll of Reynolds Wrap probably seems super fun -- but when Estelle tried this on, I'm not exactly sure which part of it she thought fit her.

The bottom is all shapeless and baggy, and the top is cutting off the circulation to her boobs. She's going to be super bummed when they go numb in about half an hour. I almost want to start a donation jar, but frankly, Estelle will make plenty of money when she becomes the Beautiful Young Face Of Comatose Mammary Syndrome.

6 O'Clock Fug

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Oh, Solange.

Did you REALLY think this was going to beat your sister's bionic hand? Or were you guys getting ready together and you were all, "this is easy. Beyonce is just wearing a cocktail dress! I barely have to exert any effort to draw attention away from her! Thank you, God! Thank you!! Massive stripes and sequins the size of silver dollar pancakes -- together at last!!!" And then you were in the limo, and Beyonce was all, "OH! I forgot!" And took her bionic hand out of her purse and put it on and you were all, "FOILED AGAIN!" I thought so.

PS: Was that really you on Ghost Whisperer last week, or did I have some kind of hallucinatory episode?

A Minor Fug Lift

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housekeeping

Greetings, all. Since it's a Friday, I assume everyone is busy pretending to work and sneaking belts of whiskey in their morning coffees -- just the way it should be.

We just wanted to pop in and say that, no, your eyes do not deceive you: The site had some minor cosmetic surgery overnight, all in the hopes of making it easier and more fun to read for you guys. It was an outpatient procedure -- we just moved the ads over to the right so that they don't flank the text any more, and gave you a few new ways to navigate our archives. Our categories of "Fug Favorites" are more extensive, there are photo links in the sidebar to the collections of posts we feel like spotlighting in a given week, and the "Fug File" feature that appears under the headlines is for grouping posts by trend, or show, or exclamation of fright. So, for instance, if you want to read all the posts about leggings or the Desperate Housewives or which might make one shout, "WTF?!?," then you can. (The two of us are working like crazy to go back through the years and tag and classify all our old stuff so that you'll be able to find it. We are hopped up on Diet Coke and Twinkies and ready to go.) Down the road we're looking at ways to give you extra photos here and there, too. But, one step at a time.

So, it's all very simple. It's not even surgical. It's more like Internet Botox, in that casual Jennifer Aniston sense rather than a Nicole Kidman every-two-seconds-there-seems-to-be-a-newly-paralyzed-muscle-in-her-waxen-face kind of way. But don't worry -- we threw out the rest of our stash, so Intern George won't accidentally dip into it and end up with a frozen forehead. That would be tragic.

All the back-end plumbing should be in good working order, but if it's not, then... it will be. Even Botox has a healing period. (I assume. I mean, it DOES involve a needle.)

Have an awesome weekend.

Sasha Fug

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So, Beyonce looks good, right? Or do I have to call her Sasha Fierce now? Parenthetically, I feel like I also need a professional alter-ego. I plan to force Heather to call me Jennifer Fug on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and alternate Sundays. But, anyway, way to go, Bey -- hey, wait a second:

What is that on her hand?

Continue reading Sasha Fug.

Me & Fug

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"Damn, it's cold. What is wrong with me? I sleep in this thing under a duvet, but I'm wearing it to a party in New York with no coat? In NOVEMBER? I don't think I'm drunk. I'm pretty sure I did not hit my head on the toilet seat, since I haven't drawn any flux capacitors recently. So I must have lost a bet. Which means that in addition to getting pneumonia, unsightly goosebumps, and being unable to sit down all night without a sanitary liner, I am going to owe some asshat on my staff $100. Awesome."

NYFug.com: For Jessica Biel, Serious Style Is a Fashion Failure

This week, at NY Mag.com, we talk about Jessica Biel, and all the random crap she's been wearing out and about of late:

"We all know that clothes don't make the woman. But when you don't have much else to say, what you wear often does the talking for you. So it's unfortunate that Biel's first foray back into the limelight in ages -- an event at the Rome Film Festival -- involved decking herself out in a YSL pantsuit that said, 'Welcome to KFC. Try my grandfather's Original Recipe.'"

And now I want some fried chicken. Get yourself a bucket and head over to NY Mag.com to read the rest and weigh in.

Fug the Cover: Ashley Tisdale

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Wow, I already forgot that A. Tis used to be blonde:

When she went darker, I was all, "A Tis! Stay blonde! It's so cute on you!" but looking at this, I'm like, "A Tis! Those extentions! They appear to be made of straw! Call your Extension Dude immediately! Also, aren't you cold in that? It's NOVEMBER. Put on a SWEATER. PS: you CAN'T get hot abs without working out, no matter what the cover here says." So maybe going back to her natural hair-suit was a wise move. Mea culpa, Ashley. Mea culpa.

The Fug Sessions

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I've been staring at this photo for an hour now. Well, that's not entirely true -- someone on Facebook told me that my childhood home in the UK is for sale so I started Googling it to try and find the listing (but I can't; DO NOT FAIL ME, Google), and then I got sucked into 27 Dresses, which is truly terrible but does at least feature a clothing montage. Otherwise it's all about how Katherine Heigl is plain and overlooked because she has slightly brown hair, and oh my God, she and James Marsden just started singing "Benny and the Jets" at a bar while they received approving nods from all the people inside -- who would, in a real-life dive bar, be more likely to punch one of them in the face and/or roll their eyes and be like, "Dude, SOMEBODY forgot to eat dinner before drinking tequila."

THEN I set my TiVo for Center Stage 2, which a friend notified me is airing this afternoon, and spent some time wishing that a kindly soul would edit together all Peter Gallagher's lines with all Rachel Griffith's bits from Step Up into some sort of uber-reel of douchey dance-school principals with a penchant for intoning their lines and resisting change. So it's been a really eventful morning. Clearly I am deeply busy, with lots of important things on my mind, and so I just don't have TIME to understand crazy Joss Stone and her tie-dyed cardigan.

[Photo: Splash News]

It's like half of her wanted to wear a nightshirt with her new pink maryjanes, and the other part couldn't take off her Weekend Sweater so she tied it in with a shoe of a different color. Which... you know what? The girl usually wanders around barefoot, looking like she just got done running through a meadow in a Massengil commercial. Mismatched shoes at least protect from foot fungus. For her, that's a step in the right direction.

Fug or Fab: Pink

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polls

Heather and I were just saying the other day that we have kind of a soft spot for Pink, although I refuse to spell her name with a "!" in the place of the "i." Punctuation marks are not letters. But her music is great for your cardio. And I like her new hair here:

And overall, I think this might be kind of cute. I'm not sure about the length, especially with the booties, and...there IS a face on it. Why is it so hard to make a decision?

poll by twiigs.com

Fug or Fab: Helena Christensen

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Lord knows I love a sequin, when deployed correctly. And I am not going to tell you that Helena Christensen doesn't have the gams to pull off what is essentially a very fancy gynecological smock.

But, WITH the camera flashes, she looks like someone is playing a game of Plinko on her torso. And without them -- judging by the top -- she just looks naked. Which I guess is great for her, since her most popular credit is probably starring in Chris Isaak's "Wicked Game" video, but I'm not so sure her vagina and boob contours are quite in the vein of what the Accessories Council advocates.

poll by twiigs.com

Lost In Fug

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World Music Awards: Well Played, Alicia Keys

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MTV Europe Awards Fug: Beyonce

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Your Number One Source Into Manhattan's Fug

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MTV Europe Awards Fug: Katy Perry

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MTV Europe Awards Fug Carpet: Estelle

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6 O'Clock Fug

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A Minor Fug Lift

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Sasha Fug

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Me & Fug

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NYFug.com: For Jessica Biel, Serious Style Is a Fashion Failure

Fug the Cover: Ashley Tisdale

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The Fug Sessions

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Fug or Fab: Pink

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Fug or Fab: Helena Christensen

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